March 2014....

I've been struggling lately with the fact that I have allowed myself to get to the point where I am once again uncomfortable in my own skin. After reflecting back upon old photos for inspiration and some motivation to help me to continue with my journey, I have put together a little collage of me at my heaviest (127.5kg), at my lightest (71kg) and me now (88kg) and realise that despite taking a little bit of a backward leap I am still far from the girl I was way back when and closer to the me I once again want to be, although this time happy, healthy and fit - perspective is a wonderful thing.Whilst I use the scale number I have also come to learn that body composition is so important in the overall transformation and so should I not ever reach my lowest weight again but reduce body fat % and increase skeletal muscle % and LOOK LIKE ONE HOT MUMMA I will be over the moon.

Personally there are a lot of things going on in my life that totally and utterly suck right now but I can choose to allow it to break me or I can stand strong and prove that with positivity and an abundance of amazing support we can beat all odds - I choose the latter!!!

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Feb 2014...

NON SCALE GOAL...

The sizes on these labels are irrelevant to me as the jeans themselves are my old faithfuls and to once again be able to wear them comfortable will be amazing.

I have to say that for the first time in ages I am very nervous about posting these photos but I do so in the hopes that whilst motivating me to work towards the achievement it also helps to inspire you.

FEB FAST...

No processed foods (no sugar, no breads, no lactose, none of the crap).

The first week I experienced a bit of lethargy in the mid afternoon but this was gone by the end of the second week. I noticed that I woke up feeling more refreshed however this could have had something to do with going to sleep earlier. My skin got clearer, my movements more regular (more information than you required haha), I didn't have as many cravings as I thought and the scales moved by 4.2kg in 4 weeks.

I'm still a long way off where I want to be but not where I was and I am proud of myself for giving it my all and not giving in to temptation.

I wasn't going to post these photos due to being embarrassed that I let myself get back to the point of being uncomfortable in my skin (despite contributing factors other than just poor nutrition) and also because I have been having a few self doubt issues about training others when I 'look' the way I do; but as I have said before there is no one that can be more critical than I am of myself and there is always some one out there that wishes they were where you are and so I decided to be brave and openly share my journey in its entirety. This is me...yes I am proud of the changes I made over the past month but no I am still not comfortable in my own skin BUT I am determined to get to a point where I am. 

I have had people say to me that they can't do it and my reply is that you need to get a point where staying the same is no longer an option then you will find the drive needed to move forward one step at a time to change. 

Looking in the mirror everyday and not liking what you see is far harder than eliminating processed foods and training hard for an hour a day - YOU CAN DO IT, you just need to REALLY WANT TO.

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Jan 2014...

In my last blog post for 2013 I revealed that my weight had crept up to 91.1kg! Over the christmas holidays however due to excessive eating, drinking and laziness this went up to 92.2kg and old feelings of being uncomfortable in my own skin once again resurfaced. It was after watching the first episode of The Biggest Loser and bawling my eyes out due the emotions of being obese still being so raw to me, that I vowed to never ever go back to that place of self hatred and loathing. 

I am dedicated to being the best that I can be despite the 'cbf' days and the injuries and the roadblocks that appear along the way. I may not reach that place where I think I want to be but I won't ever give up fighting for it.

It seems that this year I am being tested...

Whilst attempting to side step obstacles in the construction zone otherwise known as my backyard (Gym / Massage Room Renovation), I (re)dislocated my knee and as a result threw out my back. Add to this a persistent headache, rotator cuff troubles and lung problems and you get one very crabby and frustrated Tash.

Before and After - it looks brand new :)

 OUCH - I see the surgeon in April

Despite the adversities of my injuries I have still gone to training and even though it is incredibly frustrating not being able to do the crazy push yourself to the limit stuff that I usually would be doing I refuse to let this roadblock stop me completely. 

I have still been able to do my Pull ups although not consistently due to my shoulder being a pain in my arse (scans revealed adhesions and tendonitis / bursitis) and have made good progress. I have been working on my balance, stretching as much as possible and still doing whatever I can with some outside of the square thinking. So despite my frustration I am still going forward - just not as I had originally intended.

As a believer that everything happens for a reason I am using this time as lesson in patience, persistence and dedication (my 2014 mantras) and trying as much as possible to find positives.....one of them being that it will help me to better assist those experiencing the same road blocks.

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Long Over Due Update

**So I started this at the start of the year so its a wee bit late**

I am sure I start most of my blogs in the same way but I'll say it anyway.....HOLY CRAP where did time go? 

2013 was a tough year on many levels but on others it was also rewarding and full of many blessings and it is those positives that I chose to focus upon as I headed into 2014 with a realistic view knowing that life is not supposed to be smooth sailing but indeed full of challenges to help you grow. 

I did initially plan on writing a blog recollecting the toils and triumphs however after processing all the collective parts I was still unable to express them in a manner that made sense to me let alone anyone else. 

The best summary I could manage is that life is simply a series of choices, we can make the right or the wrong ones and each of those has an impact on everything else around us. You live, you make mistakes, you learn and you keep on living as best you can. I cannot erase the past, just as you cannot remove the creases from a folded piece of paper nor remove the holes in wood once a nail has been hit into it, but the future can be written to ensure the same mistakes are not made and that each step forward is a step towards the highest version of yourself possible. 

I would like to thank each of you who touched my life in some way during 2013 whether that be to teach me a valuable lesson or to hold my hand as I traversed the darkness. You are all written within the chapters of my life's journey and I look forward to turning the pages one by one as I take each step into the unknown.

“If you want to see a rainbow you have to learn to see the rain.” 

― Paulo Coelho, Aleph

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