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Friday, March 8, 2019

A Poem...

Thought I would share a poem I wrote on the 6th of March 2016, as it resonated for me again!

Back Porch, Home

My Happy Place

There are days that this head of mine
Feels like its about to explode
And this weight upon my shoulders 
Is one big massive load
But here within this place
Where the mountains span and river flows
I feel as though I can breathe
And just for a while the burden goes

So now as I sit at home
Contemplating a week of hustle
My mind wanders back to here
To where the leaves would rustle
The soft breeze blowing upon my skin
Warmth of the sun upon my face
I'm here, I'm free, I'm me
This is my happy place


Wellington River, Licola!

Thursday, March 7, 2019

Oh boy!




When I was at the doctors last week, he noticed that I was overdue for my papsmear so he personally booked me in to see one of the senior female doctors.  In my defence I did book in last year and even went to see the quack (best name for said so called professional) AND she put it in the 'too hard to do right now basket'!   This is the same said quack who completely missed Marks diabetic diagnosis as she was too busy giving him a lecture on smoking, without actually asking whether or not he still smoked!


Despite every fibre of my being wanting to cancel, I went.

Long story short abnormalities were found, so now I need to go for another bloody lot of tests!  

Bloody hell!  Not really what I needed when I was already a teeny bit on the anxious side because of the whole breast thing!

I tried to get my appointments for testing on the same day, one after the other, but no can do!  So two seaparate disruptions to my work/study schedule it is.  I shouldn't be so grumpy about it I know, especially when in comparrison to what my sister had to/still does goes through, its really quite minuscule.

On the plus side, part of the tiredness is due to being mildly anaemic...nothing I didn't already know, but it seems that it has caught up with me even more so these days.  I don't know why though as to be honest my life is heaps more smooth sailing and stress free than what it has been.  I mean I've not studied full on like I was for the past 3 months AND I am actually going to bed way earlier than I was too.  Work has probably been a little busier but its only 10 to 15 hours per week...not really even part-time!  It honestly seems so ridiculous that I am so bloody tired!

Anyway, I wasn't going to post about this topic as quite frankly talking about my Yoni issues seems a little like TMI.  BUT, I decided to share as a reminder/prompt to any lovely ladies reading this (if it applies), to please book in and get things tested!


Be sure to get a breast examination while you are there too yeah!

Anyway, I'm over writing about, thinking about and talking about all this stuff so thats it!

Until next time, LLP Tash xo


Wednesday, March 6, 2019

Hello March 2019

March ALREADY, like seriously this year is flying!

Friday 1st March 2019

This week was our contact with Hosanna (we see her every 4 weeks), which ran quite smoothly.  There were a small number of things that she had to be addressed about, but nothing major.  Mind you, it was so hot and we were so buggered that the boys were in their rooms, and I was in mine for most of her stay.

She did mention something interesting though in relation to God though.  Without going into the reason why it was mentioned, it was about her not really wanting to go to church (although 'sometimes' it was okay), because she doesn't feel you need a special place to have a relationship with God.  

I've gotta say that this made me smile, as it is also my belief.  God is everywhere! Not just at church on Sundays!  I also loved the way Mark said 'Hmmm, she really does take after her Mumma huh!'.   Mind you its not even a topic we raised with her, she just decided to share!  

Comes back to that old saying...

Just an addition here though.  In no way am I belittling those who do go to church and I sincerely apologise if it comes across that way.  My gorgeous inlaws go religiously (no pun intended), as do some of my beautiful friends.  I too have even been on occassion and enjoyed it (although there is one church I will never ever return to due to them being very judgemental and hypocritical).  I am even contemplating setting up a Bible Study group here at home that Mark will run, but enough about that, its still just a 'thought'.  

I guess its more that I don't believe anyone should be 'forced' to go AND that those who do go, should walk the talk on a daily, not just in church on Sunday.  Not to say that they have to be 'perfect' examples, but more that they aren't constant hypocritical knob jockeys (oooh so proud of how well I held back there)!

Anyway subject change!

Friday night my bestie Bec popped over.  The next day I sent her this pic and a message asking if she had forgotten something?


Her answer.."I forgot 2 things...to message to say I was home safe, and my bra, you're so cute!".  I love the fact that she remembered she forgot to message and mentioned that before the obvious.  Gosh I love her to pieces, she always makes my heart smile.   Not to say it has always been a rosey friendship, what friendships/relationships ever are, BUT we have stuck by each other and gotten through and for that I feel so ultra blessed!

Oh, and her bra was off because it was bloody hot on Friday and well, you know!

Saturday 2nd March 2019

Morning...


Afternoon...

The boys had their mates over and we went down the pool to cool off.  I never used to like the local pool much, I think it was because I was so self conscious.  F&$k that!  These days bikini and all, I'm in there!  It's always an added bonus when you get to catch up with friends down there too!  Oh and YES I jumped in again and again - Fear be gone!

Photo taken by the gorgeous (inside and out) Lisa :)

Evening...

That night we had 5 teenage boys at home...


Actually most mornings and afternoons we have 5 teenage boys hanging out here, which I think is pretty darn awesome! I love watching the way they interact, whether its egging each other on, stirring one another, or offering encouragment and support. Even on those days where they bicker with each other, there is something truly special in the bonds they have, its more than just being mates, its a brotherhood. One that I hope they keep always!


Sunday 3rd March 2019

Mr Acey accidently turned the aircon from cool to heat and so five teenage boys in a hot house equaled too many pairs of cranky panks, with mind being the biggest of them all SO a trip for the dip it was!


I really didn't want to have to come home, but given it was a school night we had a routine to follow.  At least we felt much more refreshed to tackle the Sunday night getting ready for Monday chores!

Anyway that's it...hope you come back again and read the next blog!

Last days of Feb 2019

So I have to tell ya, I am feeling so incredibly drained at the moment.  I am tired from the moment I wake up, to the moment I fall into bed, and it is taking its toll well and truly!


Whilst things at home for the most part are clean and organised (including our nutrition), I feel like its a constant game of chasing my tail to keep on top of it all.

It is moments like this, when I feel like I do now, that I really feel like calling it quits on study.  I mean, it hasn't even begun for the year yet and this is how I'm feeling.  I've only managed 1 module of the Mental First Aid Course and its been a quiet work week SO, why am I so bloody tired!  I thought that once 'that time of the month' had buggered off, so would the tiredness, but nup, not so lucky!

Calling it quits on study is just the icing on the cake.  The cake, is how the heck am I going to handle having an op where I am out of action for months!  Bloody hell, if it is like this now with me actually up and functioning, albeit not at full capacity due to this constant lethargy...htf?!?

I WONT quit study though, nor pull out of the op...BUT sometimes the thought pops up!


So yes okay, I know that I can be a bit of a perfectionist, but I have also mellowed alot these past few years.  For example, instead of the dishes being washed, dried and put away immediately, I am okay if they are washed and air drying.  Also, as long as the washing is sorted and folded, I'm okay with it in the laundry waiting to be put away.  See, mellowed...a little!  It's also not like I don't have help, but you know how it is, its just not the same...well my main issue is, it takes so long to do a simple job and then I have to pick up the pieces. Ok, so the house won't fall down around me if the bins are not emptied by the end of the day, or the floors didn't get around to being vacuumed and mopped BUT it sure makes me feel more relaxed!


Anyway, I did absolutely no exercise at all this week, not even crazy dancing - the zero fucks or water kind, and you know what I don't really give a toss!  I AM TIRED AND CRANKY!

Anywho...

We had Jazz's ILP meeting with the school this week, and as was to be expected he got a glowing review.  If effort and dedication was graded upon he would get dux everytime.  Lately he has been asking questions about the GDD, about why he is different!  I don't like labels, so told him I prefer unique, not different.  We spent time focusing upon all the things that he was really good at, the things that make him who he is as a person, rather than those that define a condition!  Some weeks are easier than others, but its like that with all kids! 

I also finally managed to talk to one of the teachers about some extra supports for Ace.  He is keen to go all the way through highschool - Year 12/VCAL, but if he doesn't get some extra supports in place now, that may change!  I am hoping they actually listened and will do something!


What else can I tell ya...

Ok, so what I haven't shared, is that for the past couple of weeks I've been getting pain in my right boob (the side the biopsy was done).  It was coming and going, but this past week its been more consistent and on Wednesday I discovered a lump under my armpit.  Needless to say that on Thursday I went to the doctors and I am booked in for all the usual tests (ultrasound, mammogram, tomosynthesis) on Friday 8th.  They also took some bloods too.  I have admittedly been a little anxious about it all, but not overly stressed as I'm getting them chopped anyway.  I also think it could be swollen glands from being run down, and having low iron, hence the lethargy!  Better to be over cautious though!


Anyway one final thing...


Have you checked recently?

Week 3 of Feb 2019

Okay so here it is, week 3 of February in the life of me...


Monday 18th 

I woke up and thought..."I need to call the breast care nurse this week to find out what's going on with my appointment". On my first work break I checked my phone and wouldn't ya know it, I'd missed a call from the hospital. So, I called back and discovered that they had me in their system TWICE; my name now and my old married name from like 20 years ago.  Basically they were calling to see if I was indeed the same person, which I am!  I can't remember way back then why I was even at the Royal Womans hmmm possibly the PCOS/T2DM/CFS! Anywho, I asked about my surgical appointment explaining the shamozzle of it all and they apologised saying they had lost my initial referral in their system (I'm thinking maybe because of the reason they rang in the first place), but I would get an appointment letter in the mail within a month. First tick off my to-do-list for the week!

I finished work at 7pm and then pretty much went straight to bed, aka no proper 'exercise' for the day.

Tuesday morning - the 19th

I had a lazy start to the day with a big sleep in.  This meant I didn't get to see the boys off, which I don't like doing as I like being able to wave them goodbye.  They did come in and give me a kiss though, something I am ultra thankful for.  

I also missed going to my husbands medical appointment which I am not happy with myself, or him about (he felt I needed the rest more which is why he didn't wake me up - sweet yes but also ggrrr).  This meant that everything that needed to be addressed wasn't, which meant another appointment for him on Friday AND also another on Saturday as we ran out of time in the first one!  Lessons learnt for next time: A)  Make sure I wake up OR B)  Write a note of things for him to address, actually I should just do B anyway!

The rest of our Tuesday was spent in the kitchen whipping up all of this...


Chocolate Cashew Cups - Raspberry Muffins - Cheesy Broccoli Muffins - Apricot & Almond Balls - Zucchini Breakfast Muffins - Lemon & Coconut Bliss Balls - Raw Peanut Butter Bars - Banana and Pear Muffins - Iced Cinnamon Scrolls - Passionfruit Muffins - Choc Cherry Slice - Blueberry Chia Muffins - Mini Chia and Orange Muffins - Kids Naughty Muffins (not a THM recipe) - Bacon, Corn and Cheese Loaf and Hidden Veg Bolognaise, Stewed Cinnamon Apples & Deviled Sausages.

Also made a couple of others not shown...Mince and Bean Taco mix, Minestrone Soup and Frozen Yoghurt Berry & Macadamia Bars
.

Why so much? 

Mostly because with working part time and study soon to start I wanted to eliminate the excuse of not having time to put together a healthy snack/lunch, and also because I kind of found myself enjoying making things from scratch that my family and the kids friends were enjoying...shock horror! 

There has been a downfall though (although one could look at it as an upside), and that is the fact that all this cooking has made me completely lose my appetite, I am so over the sight and smell of food...funny how that works hey! I have been trying to stay on track though and get in as much as my body will allow, which is certainly no where near the 6 meals and 1600 calories I'm supposed to consume.

Oh, I had a question asked about how much it costs me for the weekly meals. Its a bit tricky to work out as I discovered when doing my big pantry overhaul that I had quite a bit of the staples on hand (herbs, spices, flour, nuts, cans, you get the drift...Aldi is amazing for all of those things). But, on average I'd say around $250 per week for the 4 of us, for all our meals on plan plus the kids 'not so healthy' stuff, oh and extra household tidbits.  I'd like to reduce that down more though as it is over budget, it doesn't help that I've been using Coles Online - as convenient as it is, Aldi is way more affordable.  I just don't like actually going out of the house and shopping...who has time for that!

Exercise wise, other than dancing around like crazy people in the kitchen most of the day, I again didn't do a proper scheduled workout.

Wednesday 20th 

Another big work day and I again finished at 7pm, which meant...you guessed it, no exercise!

Oooh I got my hospital letter in the mail and am booked to see the breast surgeon on the 13th of May.  Whilst we were kinda hoping for sooner, it works out that the date actually aligns with my surgical date calculations...well we are hoping anyway!

Thursday 21st 

Quiet work day which allowed me to get back into the kitchen to prep a few other meals. 

That night I again rode my bike to and from aqua aerobics (or water dancing as it has fondly been named).  Not sure I will be doing that too many more times though, as it was dark on the way home and that made me feel a little uneasy; must add 'get bike light' to our wishlists.  Aqua was good, although I did struggle to push as hard as I feel I could have.

Another ooohhh is that before heading back into my 3rd and final year of the Bachelor of Complementary Medicine degree in March, I decided to take on a little side course in Mental First Aid.  My manual arrived today and I am super keen to get started and work towards accreditation.  Mental Health issues affect so many people in different ways and I am passionate about being able to build upon and learn new skills that will help to make a difference in peoples lives.


Oh, I have to share something we found hilarious tonight.  So I'd already prepped and started cooking our dinner, following the recipe for 4 people, but we ended up with an extra mouth (I should of known better as we usually have an extra), so I just divided it figuring that we also had dessert so it would be ok.  


The boys reaction when they came to the table and saw it was hilarious, with them enquiring as to whether this was just a "snack".  To add to that, during our prayer time, Mark also gave thanks for the "snack".  For me personally, it was more than enough and I was full after the 3rd mouthful LOL.

TGI Friday 22nd.  

I had a quiet work day finishing off with Mum, who then shouted us out to lunch at Stoneys.  I went completely off plan and had Beef Lasagna, salad and chips, which was DELICIOUS and it all stayed down WINNING!   

From there we went to the doctors for my darling husband who on top of his diabetes giving him grief, had another bout of prostatitis and a toothache, and so desperately needed some antibiotics and pain relief.

That evening we dropped the boys off at their Dads, popped in quickly to visit Mum to pick up the vape she had for us and then it was home.

Friday night we had a visit from the gorgeous Bec which is always awesome.

And the rest of the night I backed up my photos from my phone to the computer.  I had like 6000 photos on my phone which for me is like a WOW moment.  I'm usually one of those who clears her phone every week.  Admittedly, it was only my photos I hadn't done in a while.  My emails and text messages get cleared or filed daily.

Saturday 23rd 

After the docs it was a kidfree cruisy day with Mark pottering in the shed and me moving photos from computer to hard drive. 

Around 1.30am we decided to have a little nip of 'fake' baileys before heading off to bed.  

Not long after Mark said that he felt like he needed to be sick so got up to head inside to the loo (we were ofcourse sitting outside on the back patio).  He made it into the back door and that was it, he went down.  Somehow I managed to half catch him, thus preventing him from hitting his head on the concrete.  Talk about being shit scared, but somehow I kept it together...check for a pulse, get him into a more comfortable position and call the ambulance - all whilst calming talking to him, trying to bring him too.  As I was doing this, my CPR training kept running through my head.  Have I mentioned how scared I was? I seriously thought I had lost him.  As I said, he came too and so I got the lady on the phone to keep talking to him while I ran inside to open the front door for the ambulance...I was so scared to leave him incase he passed out again.  By the time the ambulance arrived he was more alert and able to sit up on a chair.  They did all their tests and turns out it was a diabetic hypo (low sugar), as well as a reaction between the small amount of grog with the medication.  He had something to eat/drink and was back to his cheeky self again just like that.  We went to bed and he slept like a log, with me staying awake to check he was still breathing every 5 minutes.  


I have told him that if he EVER does that to me again, when he comes too I will knock him out myself.  Frecking heck maybe the ambos should of checked my vitals!

Sunday 24th 

I was still in shock and the tiredness had hit like a tonne of bricks.  But we pushed through and picked up the shopping and got ready for the week ahead.  The boys got home at 3.30pm.

Ace came home with oil burns on his hand/arm from the deep fryer, why he was allowed to use it unsupervised is beyond me.  Aloe Vera to the rescue!

And thats that, week 3 of Feb in the life of me and mine, done and dusted!