Goodbye 2017...

As I sit here on my back veranda watching my boys ride on their scooters, making vlogs for their YouTube accounts with rap music playing in the background (omgoodness...if they play this same song again for the fifth time, I may just have to blame the lyrics for my insanity LOL), I thought it would be a good time to write a goodbye 2017 blog.

What a year it has been!  Not the best, not the worst, just simply what it was!  

Jan - Ace became a teenager, we went on a family camping trip into the bush for 8 days, we celebrated Keanas 4th birthday and Kohdens 1st birthday - and what a year it was for him!

Feb - Ace started high school, Jazz started his last year of primary school, we went back to court and also celebrated our friends Nicole and Anthony's engagement.

Mar - My tonsil saga was finally over, Ace went to Phillip Island, We fare welled our friends who travelled this beautiful country of ours for six months - oh how we wish to do the same one day!

Apr - Family holiday to Tasmania and we lost our precious Tatt who was our family pet for 13 years - oh how I miss him every single day.

May - Life went on despite depression being hard to bare

Jun -  Jazz turned 12 and Ace got sick which saw us spend two weeks in hospital - we are so very blessed to have him with us today.

July - I got pneumonia, Jazz got severe tonsillitis and Ace was incredibly ill so the boys were home schooled by Marky for the month.

Aug - Boys went back to school, I landed on my feet and we went back to court for two full weeks.

Sept - We watched Jazz in his Grade 6 production.

Oct - Jazz went to Canberra.

Nov - We spent another 2 weeks in court.

Dec - Jazz had his tonsils out, performed in his last primary school concert, graduated from Primary School.  Ace finished his first year of high school.  I finished my first year of Uni.  We won the court case we had been fighting.

Of course there is so much more not mentioned...like hospital trips for Mums chemo and Mark's prostatitis bouts, date nights, family outings...ups, downs, smiles, frowns and everything in between!

Do I hold any high hopes for 2018?  Nope!

It will be what it is, until it is something different!

Kind of seems cynical doesn't it?  Perhaps even a little lack lustered.  Maybe its because I'm feeling a little off colour at the moment, or maybe its because I am at peace with my life right now...a bit of both I think.  

Of course I have hopes that I plan to manifest into reality this coming year, but in all honestly I have also learnt that things change along the way...whether its because life throws us a curve ball or because we change the goal posts...either way, things change!  

I haven't always done that well with change in the past and tried to control things way too much, seeing me come unstuck. This year, I am going to choose to just allow things to be what they are.  In doing that, I can then then choose the way I react to them!  As simple as that!

So as I sit here now, reflecting...what I can say with my hand placed firmly upon my heart, is that I feel so utterly and truly blessed that I have my family here with me today, that Mum is still a big part of our lives, that my little sister and her family are happy and healthy, that I have friendships that I cherish dearly, that I have an extended family that accepts me and my boys as part of theirs and lastly...that I get to see the end of 2017 and the start of 2018.

So from me to you on this last day of the year.  Whatever it is that you choose 2018 to be, I hope it is filled with an abundance of love, light and peace!

LOVE of yourself and of others!

LIGHT that ignites the spark within and sets your soul on fire!

PEACE within your heart and all around you!

Love, Light and Peace from me to you!

Read more "Goodbye 2017..."

Welcome to Hell!

OK so its a year late but better late than never LOL!  I've had this sitting waiting to be edited and posted for a while but just never gotten around to it.  I had planned on adding some vlogs that I took along the way but in all honesty...I can't be bothered and just want this posted so I don't have anything pending!

I thought it was time for me to blog and update you all on how I've been going since the op!

The day before...6th December 2016

Lets just say that I was in crazy OCD mode so that all i's were dotted and t's were crossed before I had my surgery.  I had even recorded a video for my baby boys telling them how wonderful they are and how proud of them I am.  I am so glad that it wasn't needed for the purpose in which I recorded it...yes silly I know but surgery isn't a small thing and after my last one (my lungs collapsed) we were a wee bit worried.

  

When I finally had everything sorted and sat down for a nice hot cuppa I spilt the whole thing on my knee - OUCH it stung like a mofo and I broke my cup just to add salt to the wound.  My lap was so red and hot that we thought a trip to the ED was on the cards but luckily it cooled down thanks to cold face washers and some aloe vera to take out the sting.  The only thing that kept going through my head was how my Mum had done the same thing when we weren't speaking and ended up with severe burns AND I wasn't there for her :( - enough dwelling on that though main thing is, I am now and have been right there through all the hurdles of this past year.

So, when I was finlly game enough (it took a little while), I had my last cuppa and a bite to eat just before midnight.

My bag all packed complete with Jazzs teddy bear & I found out in hospital that Ace had put his one in my bag too.  My boys are seriously the sweetest ever!

Day 1 - Sugery Day

Wednesday 7th December 2016

The morning of surgery ran fairly smoothly although the boys were reluctant to go to school as they wanted to come with me but we assured them I would see them later that night.

We got to the hospital just before 10am and then just anxiously and nervously waited until I was called at 12.30pm.

When I got up to go in, I dropped everything on the floor, forgot to give Mark a kiss goodbye so turned back to do that and grabbed my bag which I had also forgotten and through all the anxiousness ended up with my purse on me which I was supposed to leave with Mark. Did the mention the nurse rolled her eyes at me...uh huh...luckily by the end of check in (answering the same questions I had been asked in the pre op appointments, signing my life away, peeing in a jar, getting fitted for sexy stocking and changing into my gown) she warmed up and gave me a smile.

She then took me in settled me on a bed and it was more waiting AND getting up to pee which was only nerves as there was only a drop or two each time LOL.

Finally a couple of other nurses came and wheeled me down closer to the operating room where I waited some more.  Spewing I missed the end of the movie I was watching...it was just getting to the good parts.

The same nurse I had for pre-op came in and put my bung in and I also had a lovely visit from my friend Renee who was working in recovery that day.  The anathesetist then came and ran me through a few things like the antibiotic they were going to give me via IV which he needed to scurry off and change as it was penicillin and Im allergic to it eekk..lucky he spoke to me.  Then he came back and squeezed a little something into my drip to make me sleepy.

Not long after that they wheeled me into the operating room, I shuffled from one bed to the other and then woke up in the recovery.  I feel so blessed that my sweet friend was my recovery nurse as she took extra good care of me and more so because she didn't post an ebarrassing photo on facey - which she had contemplated LOL.  I felt pretty good considering other than not being able to swallow so I stupidly didn't get a top up of morphine before going to the ward - big mistake it wore off quickly and boy did I know about it.

I still had issues swallowing and so pain relief wasn't able to be given as in maternity (the surgical ward was full) I really only had the option of oral meds.  I had a couple of nurses come in and give me a pep talk about pushing through the pain to swallow which got me upset enough to start bawling.  When they finally realised that I was trying to swallow but physically couldn't they gave me a morphine jab in the leg - thank f_%k for that.

They rang the surgeon and he suggested an icypole placed deep into the throat...gag city - but it worked.  What a relief to be able to swallow again not only to get pain meds in but also because every time I tried to drink I would cough and that meant a bloody goopy mess eeewww!

Mum, Mark and the boys came to visit for a little while but because I wasnt that crash hot they left me to rest.

My dinner night one was 2 cans of coke and cordial flavoured ice chips.

To say that I had a rough night is an understatement.  Low blood pressure and heaps of pain is not fun...add to that needing to pee every 30 minutes which was a challenge with the drip in.

Day 2...8th December 2016

The surgeon was supposed to come and see me first thing in the morning but as I was on the maternity ward...forgot about me.  The nurse called him and at first they werent going to let me come home.  As I lived close by, Mark would be there to watch me, and I managed to get my breaky of soggy cornflakes, cold toast with marmalade (ouch) and cold tea down they said it was ok BUT I had to see the surgeon at his rooms first.

Around noon I was finally seen and he said that considering the state of my tonsils (huge and pussy were his words) I was doing Ok and could go home as long as I rested, took regular pain meds, gargled with Hydrogen Peroxide, took my throat numbing gel and drank lots of coke.

Day 3...My 42nd birthday - 9th December 2016

I woke up to streamers and balloons on the ceiling, the boys gave me their gifts and then a special treat of painting my nails.

Mum came over and we did the whole cake thing which saw us laughing as blowing out the candles wasn't exactly easy.

One of my beautiful friends dropped off flowers and a card and another came and visited and we sat and she chatted LOL.

I was also showered with messages of love on facey which really made me feel special.

Day 4....Exhausted!

On Day 5 - 11th Decenber 2016, I posted this on instagram...

Quote  is spot on - OUCH!  Still can't talk properly, eating and drinking is torture, wake up to swallow tabs (endure pain to reduce pain), gargle with peroxide and numbing gel, then drift back into lalaland...REPEAT process!  Remind me again that this will be better in the long run  #notfun #f/%*ingpainful #tonsellectomy #ouch #operationrecovery #patience #postop #update

Day 7 - Exactly 1 week since surgery - a whole 7 days and unfortunately it still felt like hell.

I did finally manage to get a half descent sleep though but that meant missing my 3 hourly pain doage which left me wondering if sleep was really worth it.

I had planned on updating more often but days have all seemed to blurr together in my drug induced state.

Friday 16th - I went and saw the specialist and he said...

I started this blog on Thursday 29th of December 2016 and things then were getting better.  The biggest improvements were that the pain had reduced and I had been able to cut back on my pain meds, I could almost talk properly and I was able to do more with less rest breaks.  Next appointment with Surgeon in Feb to talk about the next step.

Ok, Ok, I know I've been slack in finishing this as its now May 18th...holy shit time flies quick.

Anyway having my tonsils out has definitely been the best thing I could of done.

As I type this now ready to hit the 'publish' button, its December 31st 2017 and funnily enough I have a bloody sore throat.  My first proper one since recovering from this op.  In comparrison to what I used to experience, its a walk in the park and I know I will bounce back again without the need for medical intervention. WOW, how things have changed!

Read more "Welcome to Hell!"

3 Simple Steps - Continued!

I'm a little late in posting this but alas, I shall post it anyway!

So as my first 3 simple steps went so well, with improvements definitely noticed, I figured "Why change what ain't broke", so have kept them as my numero uno for the week and have added to them.  Check out my previous post HERE to know what else was on the list ;).

#2.  STUDY TIME...

When I started my course I had grand intentions of setting aside two full days a week, purely so I could focus on my uni work.  This went swimmingly for a few weeks, then something came up and it reduced down to one day, then something else came up and I found myself having to stay up late to get it done.  Which is OK every now and again, but not a great way to ensure that I am also getting adequate rest.  Hence adding that in last week!

Anyway, this week I have decided that I need to schedule in that time again (at a reasonable hour) because, just as work and family is important to me, so is study!  Me pursuing this option, is an investment into my future, our future!   The dishes, the washing, the list that is never ending, can wait!  Or better yet, I can delegate jobs to others so that I can have the time needed for me, to have my head down and bum up studying.  So easy to say in theory!  Am I the only one who gets the 'guilts' about taking time out to study?  Whether it be because I feel like I'm neglecting the house work, the kids, hubby, family, friends, those little feelings of guilt, of neglect, have a way of creeping in.  They need to stop! So, I have been constantly reminding myself that "I am worthy of ME time", and in this case, 'me time' equals learning about things that resonate with my entire being, that will enable me to pursue my dream career.

#3 MOVEMENT...

Idle and stagnation are two words I don't gel with very well and yet despite all my busy-ness (mostly family, work and study), movement ends up being a missing factor, which then leads to idle stagnation.  Something as simple as pottering about my garden pulling out weeds, taking a slow leisurely stroll around the block, yoga or simple stretches is all I am aiming for this week...just to move and keep my energy, blood, vital fluids and my mind moving.

So, as I mentioned at the start of this blog, I'm a little late posting this, which means I can confess that I ran a little off the rails and, until yesterday it had been 5 days since my last smoothie.  I've also had a couple of late nights studying in preparation for this weeks exams.  I won't find out my results until the end of Decemeber (waiting sucks!!), but I am pretty confident that I passed.  I was aiming for HD's (High Distinctions) but I don't think I will get there.  Oh well, at the end of the day all I really need is a P (pass) and the certificate to hang up on the wall.

Other than that though, considering the fact that my little man had an adnotonsillectomy last week which saw us spend a sleepless night in hospital and him being a little more clingly and understandably wanting extra 'Mumma love',  I did not un-achor completely.  

Pretty proud of that!

Read more "3 Simple Steps - Continued!"

3 Simple Steps...

As is the case with synchronicity, the lovely Danyel Waters set a little challenge called the #3stepstoabetterme which I have decided to take on as a little kick start to ticking things off my happiness self-check list.

Here is a list of 3 things I am going to make a priority for myself this week, in actual fact not only this week but also beyond that.

1. Daily Green Smoothie 

So, I allowed life to get the way of my having my daily smoothies and my body has been craving them for the past couple of weeks...yep lots of excuses and not enough action!

So anyway, I know that my body has been craving them because irregularities have yet again occured...yes peeps I'm taking about 💩, or im my case the lack thereof, which sees my tummy distended and my energy levels plummet.  Whilst this could also be due to not getting in many calories due to having my lapband tightened and so what goes in, most often than not has been pretty much immediately regurgitated - gross image sorry! I know from personal experience that green smoothies are the bomb and help me feel better about myself!

2. Proper Rest 

I really struggle with this as I feel lazy when I rest when there is still so much to do. So instead I push through like a crazy woman until its done and then instead of only needing a short break I need a week to get back on my feet because I'm drained completely. Which means all the shit I had done builds up again and the cycle continues. But not this week...nope, I am taking time to rest! Partly because of my little slip on the weekend that has buggered my knee and ankle but also because I need to do it, for me, so that I don't end up down and out when the stakes are highest!

Something awesome that happened and which is a very rare occurance for me, is last night I was asleep by 10pm (WOW!  Anyone who truly knows me would be shocked at this, as being up until the early hours of the morning is my norm).  Not only did I fall asleep early but I slept all the way through until 9.30am.  So thankful for my sweetman for getting the kids up and ready and allowing me the sleep that it seems I desperately needed.  Now to keep that trend happening.  11pm is my stop work and just veg out curfew!

3. Choose my battles  

For instance today, its the fact that my insta feed is not symmertical anymore, to the point I was going to delete a heap of stuff and readd it (well in all honesty I tried to balance it bit it was stressing me out) I know it seems trivial but to me it is huge...same as my pantry being alphabetised and having dinner on the table by a precise time and not one minute over, the kids wearing the right days jocks - which I am convinced they don't just because they know it drives me crazy 😜. 

So anyway the point being that this week I'm just going to let it be what it is. The world will not end because my insta feed isn't perfectly balanced - white quote, 2 coloured pictures, black quote...I mean does anyone even really pay attention? The answer I need from you btw is NO...never noticed 😉.

So there you have it, the 3 Simple Steps I plan to do this week to lead to a better me!  What about you?  You willing to change 3 little things this week that will help you feel better about yourself? 

I have already started to think about my list for next week.  I know! I know!  One day at a time, but I feel motivated and inspired again and its a great feeling!

Oh be sure to check out Danyel's facebook page too...you can find it HERE!

Read more "3 Simple Steps..."