June 2019 - Part 1

June already can you believe it!  AND I'm actually writing this post 'in June' and not two months down the track *high fives to little miss smug me*

It's winter here in the southern hemisphere, and its absolutely bloody freezing!  As much as Autumn is my fav of all the months, I really dislike that it turns into winter.  I know, I know, we need the seasons to change yadda yadda, but seriously people my fingers are like ice blocks as I am typing this right now brrrrrr!

Saturday 1st

I spent the day studying...OMG this assessment (Public Health Part C) is seriously doing my head in!

I did take a break for a little while when Mum popped in...she brought over some homemade vegetable soup and chow mien...bonus no cooking for me tonight.  

Sunday 2nd

Refer to yesterday!

Although I did remember to take time out to call my Step Dad for his birthday.  He is currently on a lake somewhere up towards South Australia but plans on escaping the cold and heading North asap...lucky bastard!

Wednesday 5th

Tonight I attended my first BRA (Breast Reconstruction Awareness) meeting. There were about 15 other woman in similar situations who sat and listened and looked while 5 woman who have already gone through the surgery shared their "show and tell".   It was good and I will go again.  

I don't think I've shared my decision yet,  which the BRA meeting helped further cement.

So here is what I've decided...

A) I'm not keeping my nipples, but will have a reconstruction and tattooing. 

I'm not doing this for cosmetic reasons, and so the whole waiting another year for the risk reduction surgery to start wasn't appealing at all.  

B) I'm going with the option of using tissue from my own thighs.  Whilst a HUGE operation it feels more 'right' for me.  One of the biggest factors was that because it will be my own tissue it means my boobs will change with me, and given my weight fluctuates like a yoyo I like that idea.

Saturday 8th

So I've been in a shit of a headspace and struggling to just put one foot in front of the other at the moment...all while TRYING to write an assessment worth 40% of my subject grade eeekkk.  I mean on Tuesday I spent the day crying...that ugly crying type, you know what I mean?

Anyway...reason for the funk was because on Monday 3rd June, I quit smoking! I lasted a whole 5 days without anyway BUT caved in the wee hours of this morning.

Mind you, in saying that I have had 5 smokes in 6 days, which in comparrison to the 150 I would of had in that time, is not too shabby! 

As much as I don't like to admit it, my mood isn't as low, and I'm talking it was LOW despite all my hippy trippy witchy tricks (oils, herbs, affirmations etc).  

And would you believe it, the essay I had been struggling to write is now finished. 

Anyway, I'm not beating myself up because it was a good effort, I just need to keep trying...I've done it before, I CAN do it again!

It probably didn't help that on top of withdrawals and detoxing it was also TTOTM.  OMG I am so having that NovaSure thing done, I can't handle it anymore, my uterus is seriously trying to kill me.

Tonight I helped one of my study buddies proof her assessment...yes I know, more study but as I always say "we are all in this together" and so helping each other through is all part of it.

Sunday 9th 

With hand on my heart I can honestly say that despite all my struggles, despite those moments where it feels that it is just all too much to deal with, I feel so blessed to be breathing. And so today, I took some time out to just simply BREATHE.

I also had a lovely surprise visit from my bestie, who gave me a gorgeous present that I cherish just as much as her friendship.

I also feel honoured that another friend reached out, and that I managed to push my own shit aside to be there to catch her (well..to be here ro give a hug and lend a listening ear).

And lastly, I managed to finish my final assessment of the semester (a video presentation which took me like 100 takes eeekkk I'd prefer singing to talking any day) and am now on a study break until August...one semester to go and degree number one will be complete...you freaking ripper.

Both boys flew the coup tonight and stayed at their mates places so my sweet man and I got Pizza and Pasta and went to bed and stuffed our faces while watching movies.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday...

I pretty much stayed in bed and watched movies for the entire 3 days...

I was supposed to go and see the breast surgeon on Wednesday 12th but I got a message on Friday last week (yes the day I caved and had a smoke) that it had been rescheduled to the 17th of July.

Thursday 13th

Back to work...as much as I love what I do, after having a few days off I really struggled to get back into the swing of things.

Friday 14th

Mark helped a friend of ours move her office, the boys had a student free day and slept in then cleaned their rooms and packed for the weekend, and I worked and then cleaned.

That evening we met up with Glenn at the optus shop so I could help him with a new mobile and internet plan.

After wards we all went to LaPorcetta for dinner, then Mark and I said our farewells and went shopping for Hosannas (June 12th) and Jazz's (June 19th) birthday presents.

When we got home, Ace rang for help to set up Glenn's new phone and while he was doing that Jazz and I played silly games on Facebook messenger and had a good laugh.

Saturday 15th

More shopping...ewww I really dislike shopping, but we got it all done!  And, we even did all the wrapping.

Sunday 16th

I sit here today with a feeling that I can only verbalise as 'contentedness'...and this quote, these words are spot on!

Both perfection and blessings are a state of mind, based purely upon ones own perception of such.

I am perfectly imperfect and for that I am truly blessed!

Monday 17th

And here we are...TODAY, the moment of now...

As I said earlier I'm sitting here typing away with icicles for fingers.  It doesn't help that I am sitting outside because I'm having a smoke!   

I know! I Know!  It is something that will be reduced and stopped again very soon.  I think I will be able to handle it better this time...next time, at least I hope so.

Today was a good day...I worked and Mark did as much as he could around the house with a sore back.  He hurt it Friday and it progressively got worse over the weekend, hopefully it will come right.

Tonight we watched a movie called 'Gifted', well worth watching.

I also gave Mark his injection...good thing I don't see the needle go in.  I simply place it on his arm, press the button, wait for the two clicks and that's that!

I WILL POST A PIC TOMORROW WHEN ACE SENDS IT TO ME

Tomorrow is my day off.  I initially took Tuesdays off to help my sister, then when I got sick and had my nose op and got back on my feet, I kept it as a study day.  As I'm on study break until August (have I already said WHOO HOO LOL), tomorrow will be spent catching up on things that didn't get done today aka changing linen and lots of washing, I might even be a good wife and give my man a massage...it would be better than the 'there ya go that will do ya' basic rub in of deep blue I've done.

Its been quite an experience updating my blog these past couple of days, reliving if all really makes you think "WOW...all of that and yet, here we are"...doing A-Okay.  We may not be financially wealthy but we've got a shit tonne of love and things to be thankful for...kinda makes me feel like one of the wealthiest people out!  Oh bloody hell, even I gag on the corny shit I write sometimes.

Anyway catch ya really soon, thanks again for reading my ramblings.

Ooohhh tomorrow afternoon is also HAIR day, so be sure to stay tuned for a before and after pic!