November 2019

Month 11 of 12, almost at the finish line OMGOODNESS, I am SO not ready for this month or the month that follows EEEKK!

Friday 1st November 2019

Anxiety is off the charts at the moment, head and heart are both racing!  Decisions and choices so hard to decide!  Trying to just breathe and let it go.  To give it to God, the universe to deal with for me, to just trust the process...but it is easier said than done.  I KNOW that whatever way it goes it WILL all work out, but it doesn't make this moment of now any easier!  I think the anxiousness is compounded due to me despising feeling this way.  I mean, what gives me the right to feel like this when I know what my sister is currently facing, when I know that there are others out there fighting wars of there own.  I have so many blessings in my life, so much to be thankful for and so feeling this way makes me feel ungrateful!  But, for me right now, the fog is real and I am struggling to see that guiding light!  As the saying goes, this too shall pass, I know that this is true...for now though I need to just sit with this feeling, to acknowledge it for what it is *sigh*  I don't wanna adult today!

Saturday 2nd

Sending out social media wishes to my Mum today for her birthday.  

Moon and back xo 

Sunday 3rd 

So usually its the house I focus on when I'm in one of my overwhelmed 'moods', but as the front garden has been giving me the 'jimmy britz' that's where I spent a good part of my weekend.  It was nice to spend time with my sweetman just pottering about the garden, rain and all!  As sore as our old bodies are feeling right now, the heads are much clearer and so its worth it.  Just like laundry it is a never ending process, with other sections still needing attention...good thing I find gardening so rewarding and cleansing...the fresh air is always a bonus too.

Tuesday 5th

Melbourne Cup Day

Well we didn't have a win on the cup (to be fair we didn't put a bet on), but we did have a win both inside and out in the back garden!  House is all sparkling and garden is all weeded.  The to-do-list is slowly coming down...still lots to do though, slowly but surely! 

Sometimes it feels like there no growth, no change, but if you plant the seeds and keep on watering, before you know it, growth and change happen...sometimes you just need to clear the weeds to see it!

Thursday 7th 

His smile says it all...although very sore, he finally got some relief AND a hospital date (December 12th) which is awesome!  No simple fix which isn't ideal, but together we can navigate our way through.  Seriously love this man so much, even if he does make me worry!

So, after my last pre-op appointment I received a call letting me know that they still had another test to do, in which case I now had a choice of dates.  So, for the past week I've been weighing up the options between having my op on December 16th, or on a Monday (not sure of which one) in Feb 2020.  I have been driving myself and everyone else somewhat crazy going over and over the pros and cons for each.  On one hand getting it over and done with is ultra appealing, but on the other, despite knowing we could make it special regardless, spending Christmas and Aces birthday out of action isn't at all appealing. But then again, on the flip side, the fear that changes could occur in that time isn't good either...and so the overthinking continues.  Anyway today divine intervention stepped in and as we were notified that Mark will be in hospital on December 12th...I called my liason nurse and let them know I would take Feb so that I can look after my man and ensure he is on his feet ready for the task of looking after me.  So with that, even though there is no date set in stone, I am at peace with the choice...more time for i dotting and t crossing sounds good to me!

Saturday 9th

Yep, its ultra early but since we had one of those rare days where we were all home and not doing anything, we decided to break the Dec 1st tradition and set up the Christmas tree early!

As per previous years the question of "has the tree shrunk"? was asked!  The answer yet again, was "No, you've just grown"!   So much so in fact that neither of them needed us to lift them up to put the star on top!

Sunday 10th 

Today I took some time to sit and look up at the magnificence of our old oak, just breathing in the fresh air and the stillness.  Of course that is not all I did...work in the garden is never ending, so I also pottered about and ticked a few things off the list.  Feeling pretty darn proud of all our efforts that's for sure!

Friday 15th

The boys were meant to be at Glenn's this weekend BUT they decided not to go as they heard (after already having suspicions) that he has been seeing Jo again.  For those who don't know who that is, it is the ex girlfriend that got jealous of Ace hugging his father and so hit him hard enough to knock off the bed!  Two weeks after that happened, Ace ended up in hospital with a burst appendix.  Not only did she hit Ace, but she also continued to 'tickle' Jazz, even though he told her she made him feel uncomfortable!  Anyway, when Glenn found out that the boys didn't want to go on the weekend, he asked me if it was because of me.  Like um, hello WTF kind of question is that!?!  I told him that it was definitely not my decision, but the fact that the boys feel like he has "dogged' him.  In other words, their father should be loyal to them, and not be with someone who hurt them!  I also told him that if he wanted to fix it, he should arrange to meet up with the boys over the weekend.

Given they didn't got to Glenn's, both boys went to Empire (Jazz's first ever time and he absolutely LOVED it), and so Mark and I decided to make a start on some Christmas shopping.

As I was shopping I noticed a rash on my hips...figured it was the seams rubbing on my skin!

Saturday 16th

This weekend was the Strawberries and Cherries weekend.

NOTE:  Next year we need to remember that Friday is locals night and you get two for one rides!

Today we went to the market with Mum in the morning, and then went down later in the afternoon/evening and had pizza in the park before watching the fireworks.  

Oh I almost forget, we also went on the crazy dance ride!  How the fudge I could almost forget that is beyond me, because I seriously thought my life was going to end then and there.  WHY?  Well, Mark and I both squeezed into the same car, as we have done in other years, although this year was admittedly a little more snug.  Anyway, so the bar clicked shut and off we went, having a ball UNTIL the bar popped out and was unlocked.  OMG I do not think I have every held on so tight in my life and was so bloody happy to climb out alive when the ride finally came to an end.  EEEEKKKK SCARY SHIT!!!

Sunday 17th

Today we again went to the Strawberries and Cherries Festival.  We were also joined by Mia, Will, Zac, James, Damo and Jess.  It was such an amazing day with fish and chips in the park, showbags and rides (Yes, Mark and I were brave and once again went on the crazy dance, this time though we sat in individual cars).   I have to say though, that the most memorable part of all was definitely the bus ride...OMG sidesplitting fun times with Damo calling out the bus window LOL!

As much as our weekend was awesome, there was one major disappointment...sadly, Glenn didn't bother making an effort to see the boys!

Monday 25th

Some days are better than others and today was a good one!

This is me feeling proud of myself after doing 30 minutes of crazy moves to the Dance Marshall.

Saturday 30th  

Today I went and watched my niece Keana's dance performance and was proud beyond words.