Some Days

Note:  I posted this previously but accidentally deleted it...good thing I save my posts phew!

Tuesday, August 27, 2019

Before I posted my last blog post on Saturday, we went out for lunch with Mum.  As it so happened we were early (shock horror), and so took some time to just sit in the sunshine and watch the world go by.  Truth be told, we took the selfie more as a way to say "Look!  I do actually leave the house occasionally!" LOL. 

As you can see, despite all that was lurking under the surface, we wore a mask and put on a smile.  Mind you, being together always gives us something to smile about!

During lunch we laughed and told jokes and spoke about this that and the other, but all the while part of me was holding back the tears.  Perhaps if we had of been in the comfort of home, I may have been more open, but lets face it, no-one wants to ugly cry whilst out in public.  Ain't nobody wanna see that either!

Anyway, once we got home...I finally took the mask off (as you would know if you indeed read my last blog all the way to the end).  Admittedly, I did not completely release as even though I do share a considerable amount of my personal life openly on the social media platform, there are some things best left unshared; whether it be for fear of offending another due to being taken the wrong way, it just being way too raw to disclose so publicly or could even just open up a whole other can of worms.  Whatever the reason, somethings are best left for personal entries and/or face to face conversations.

Whilst I try for the most part to keep the mask on and be a Positive Polly, I know that it's not always real.  Actually, its fake as shit and yet there are times I wish people would reach out, but then when they do I pretend everything is hunky dory anyway, so why would they check in if I'm forever smiling, forever saying "I'm good", and then immediately changing topic of conversation over to them. 

Oops I digressed...where was I?  Oh yeah, the duality of life is that there are both ups and downs, smiles and frowns and everything else fits somewhere in between; that's the raw and unscripted nature of this wonderful roller coaster ride we are strapped into for our short time here!  Sometimes we are throwing our hands up and screaming with glee for more.  Other times we are gripping on for dear life just hoping we don't go crashing down to the ground at 100mph.  And then, there are the lulls which see us steadily cruise along wondering what comes next!  

Must be a song in there somewhere hey?  Well, as it turns out there is!  

Actually, the song was inspired by a comment that my sweet man left on my blog post, over at my facey site (HERE).

He wrote: "Every heart beat is filled with ups and downs.  So too, our lives are filled with smiles and frowns!". - M.V.S

Anyhow, after we finally got up off our butts and got the house all sparkling and smelling Divine plus a few other odd jobs I'd neglected, the plan was for me to just head into bed and watch some mindless TV, whilst Mark ducked down the street to get some fags...yep I need to quit AGAIN, but that's a whole other blog!

Long story short, I picked up the guitar instead and by the time he had gotten home I had composed some music, written a verse, a chorus and had a general idea of what else I wanted to say, but it just wasn't flowing quite right.  After a little help from my poetic husband, whalla new song was created, all in about 30 minutes.

Whilst the main inspiration came from my husbands comment, there were also sparks of inspiration from a text conversation I had with my little sister (Marketta) earlier in the week.  

Talking about Marketta, her breast cancer journey took on another challenge, and today she is in hospital having an operation to hopefully stop her body producing estrogen.  Why?  Because despite the drug she was given to stop her producing it, she still is, and since her cancer is HER2-positive (hormone receptor positive), meaning that the cancer cells grow in response to the estrogen produced, this is the best option she was given in order to decrease the chances of it metastasizing, given its aggressive nature.  In her words "It is what it is, and you do what you've gotta do".

Gotta say, knowing all that she has gone through, is still going through and yet is more worried about her friend who is sadly very unwell, instills an element of guilt for being so down in the dumps.  I know its not a comparisons game, and that we are all allowed to feel whatever it is we feel, but if you really look at the bigger picture, my struggles are a walk in the park really!  In saying such however, they are still very real for me, and some days are worse than others!

Which brings me back to the new song, which just so happens to be called Some Days!

Here are the lyrics....

Some Days

Some days its like my mind won't stop turning

And I'm stuck on the merry-go-round 

Some days its like my heart is yearning

For something it hasn't found

Every heartbeat has its ups and downs

And every life has its smiles and frowns

The best that we can do

Is put one foot before the other

And just push on through

Tomorrows another day

And the sun will come out

Chase the clouds away

I know its easier to say

But just have a little faith

It will be okay

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Some days its like my tears won't stop flowing

I'm sure I'm gonna drown 

Some days its like I'm searching for a corner

In a room that's only round

Every story has a beginning and end

And everybody needs that one true friend 

To help them when they're blue 

To put one foot before the other

And push on through

Tomorrows another day

And the sun will come out

Chase the clouds away

I know its easier to say

But just have a little faith

It will be okay

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Don't give up

Don't give in

Just keep on pushing

I know you're gonna win

Tomorrows another day

And the sun will come out

Chase the clouds away

I know its easier to say

But just have a little faith

It will be okay

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Music composed by Natasha Hurst-Shilling 

Lyrics written by Mark and Natasha Hurst-Shilling

Written on the 24th August 2019

Whilst one could think that the "hey's" were used because I couldn't think of anything else to say, you know a bit like la-la-la's hehehe!  They aren't, well, not entirely anyway.  You see, my hubster and I have this thing where when we want the other to take their head out of the phone, or to stop cleaning like a mad woman...in other words to stop and truly listen!  We start by saying "Hey"!

And you have now reached the end of this blog post.  Thanks heaps for taking the time to read and perhaps watch/listen, as always it means heaps.

This is me hoping that if you have been feeling like I do some days, and did have a listen, that I helped you feel even just a little more better than before!

LLP Tash xo