The Bigger Picture!

It occurred to me that in order for you to fully understand the bigger picture with regards to my weight loss journey, that I will need to share some background information with you. So here goes...

If I were to pin point an exact time in my life when my weight became an issue, I would have to say that it started at '11' years old (Grade 5 - 1985) and then continued from there, increasing in intensity each year until it became a full blown obsession to the point of me becoming bulimic in my late teens early 20's.

In 1995 I fell head over heels in love and so my focus changed and my obsession came to a halt, however as a consequence I started gaining weight at first just a little and then before I knew it it had ballooned out of control and my health was suffering. In 1998 I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and a multitude of other illnesses from PCOS, Type 2 Diabetes, Insomnia and an Immune Deficiency Disorder.

It wasn't until I was told that I was "TOO FAT" to have a baby that I started to try and change my reality rather than just sitting on my butt feeling sorry for myself. I tried one diet after another and even resorted back to throwing up after eating but nothing worked and in the end I just didn't have enough will power to continue. A friend of mine suggested Lapband Surgery and so I decided that desperate times called for drastic measures (or however the saying goes).

At my initial appointment my weight was 122kg, 1 year later in FEB 2001 my Pre Op Weight was 127.5kg - Size 24-26. I can remember waking up after the operation and being disappointed that I wasn't 'Skinny'. I had thought that the hard work would all be behind me but that was so far from the truth.

I don't remember a lot of the ins and outs of the journey from 2001 - 2003 as my life changed dramatically. I wont go into all the details but one of the biggest changes was the fact that I decided to leave my husband for what I thought were greener pastures. After that decision I began living what some might call the rock'n'roll lifestyle.

Due to many factors I believe that this time in my life was one of self punishment and destruction and somewhere along the line my bulimia returned, although having the band meant that I no longer needed to force the food to come back up as I discovered that if I over ate even just a little, it would come up on its own (so to speak).

In 2 years I lost 56.5kg and in Feb 2003 I weighed 71kg (Size 12-14).

In May 2003 I fell pregnant. All I could think of was that I was only 2kg away from my goal of 69kg and now I was going to get fat all over again. I was sick throughout the entire pregnancy and had all fluid removed from my band as I was struggling to get in enough food (and keep it in when I did get it in) to give the baby the nutrients it needed to grow. During this time my body was also in detox mode as I made the choice to quit the destructive lifestyle I was leading.

In June 2003 my port twisted and so I needed to have an operation to untwist it, as I was pregnant it was done under a local anesthetic which was horrible, not only could I hear what was going on but I could also feel them poking around on the inside. During the procedure my blood pressure dropped dramatically and caused a few problems that we thankfully resolved.

I gave birth to a healthy 6lb 90z little boy 'Ace Riley' in Jan 2004. And although my weight went up to 76kg (Size 14), I was happier than ever and believe that it is because of him that I am here today - he brought me back into the light.

Only 9 months later I fell pregnant yet again. This time the pregnancy was relatively healthy apart from a lot of back pain due to the baby being in the posterior position despite doing all the right things to try to fix it, and so I ended up spending the last couple of months on complete bed rest (very hard to do with a 9 month old baby). Jazz MacKenzie was born in Jun 2005. My weight after giving birth was 81kg (Size 14-16), but I was happy and healthy.

In 2006 I once again started having my lapband adjustments which is always a bit of trial and error in order to get the right amount of fill. I can recall having to drink only milk at one stage due to my stomach burning from so much acid and also being rushed into the emergency room as I started vomiting blood - not good at all. But it was able to be fixed and I got back on track again getting my weight down to 74kg (Size 14).

By August 2008 my weight was back up to 81kg (Size 14-16), this was my Pre-Op weight for my Tummy Tuck in which 3kg of skin was removed. I had a really hard time recovering from this operation due to low blood pressure, low iron levels (anemia) and an infection where the drainage tubes were. 3 months later my body was healed enough for life to get back to normal but the operation changed me more emotionally and mentally than it did physically and so the journey once again became an obsession.

My weight was all I could think about. I would count every calorie that went in my mouth then I would try to work out long and fast I would have to walk on the treadmill in order to burn it off. Most days I was on Zero Calories but the days where I allowed myself to keep food (and drink) in, rather than be purged I averaged approx. 800 calories.

On top of the calorie counting, I weighed myself 'constantly'. Before and after going to the toilet, Before and after purging and I will admit as disgusting as this is that on occasion I even went as far as purging into a plastic bag so that I could weigh the contents.

It wasn't until reading an article about Katie Holmes with my best friend "Jhanine", and also half joking that a person could live on a packet of Delites for 4 days that I realised I was displaying Anorexic behaviour. Even, then it didn't change anything and by June 2009 I managed to get back down to 71kg (Size 10-12) but couldn't enjoy it as I was too sick.

Some of the health problems were; Tooth / Gums problems, IBS, Low iron levels, Irregular Moontime, Vomiting blood due to esophagus damage and Electrolyte imbalance to name a few. Not to mention what I was actually doing to my stomach and to the lapband. By August 2009 I was no longer able to function normally and my kids were suffering because of it and so I finally asked for help.

Its funny how things work out really because if I hadn't of mentioned anything the fact that I had some major problems with my lapband would of gone undetected. An x-ray taken close to a year earlier showed Band Erosion/Slippage/Dilation and so long story short it needed to be taken out ASAP. All the fluid was taken out on the spot as a buffer so to speak, until I could be operated on.

It is amazing how quickly you can go from not eating to doing nothing but eat and so in Sept 2009 (just over a month) I put on 11kg taking my Pre Op Weight to 82kg (Size 14-16). At first they didn't know if I was going to be re-banded straight away or made to wait for my stomach to heal but thankfully despite the damage in which I was told I was very lucky to still be alive, I got a new 'larger' band put in.

5 Months later and umteen adjustments later (one of which landed me in the emergency room again) I am finally starting to feel as though we might be getting somewhere with regards to restriction. At the start of Jan 2010 I weighed in at 86.6kg (Size 16) and so in just 2.5 weeks I managed to loose .9kg.

And that brings us back to the present moment and the next phase of my journey! I will be putting together a video soon to show some Before and After photo's.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this epic tale. I was going to put it in point form so that it was brief, but I felt that it wouldn't accurately describe the events that took place to get me where I am now.