No answers = answers

Hey ya'll,

I thought I would pop in and give you a brief (hahaha who are we kidding, like seriously not gonna happen!) update on whats been going on in the life of moi.  

GASTRO/COLONOSCOPY

10th February 2020

I mentioned in a previous blog (HERE) that I was going for a gastro/colonoscopy to see if they could answer the mysterious question of:

'What is causing this lower left abdominal pain and the 'IBS' type symptomology I have been experiencing' since January 2nd?  

Lets just say preparation was not fun to say the least!  But, my wonderful family did help lighten the mood by making lots of poop related jokes, at my expense ofcourse!  Jazz was especially funny as he just couldn't figure out how the camera could fit up my bum LOL.

And here I was thinking it smelt okay so couldn't be THAT bad...WRONG, unless you enjoy drinking straight triple concentrated sugary lemon cordial that is *YUCK*

One litre of goopy mix in an hour and omgoodness my poor tummy was so full.  By the last sachet mix, I was well and truly in struggle town.

Thankfully, the actual procedure was a breeze in comparison, all due to a special milky substance that sent me off to la la land.  I was in full form too, even waved and said goodnight to every nurse in the room LOL.  What is a bit freaky though is that I cannot remember going from the recovery room to the sitting room where I had a cup of tea made just the way I like it.  Which makes me think they must have asked and I answered.  I wonder what else I said *shudders at the thought*.

My Gut

Up my butt!

How cool are these pics of the insides of me...never thought you'd ever see THAT side of me did ya huh!

RESULTS

Gastrocope results showed that I do indeed have reflex/heartburn (ummm derrr), which is due to a pouch in my lapband (well s%£+).  This has caused a fundic gland (I think that's its name) polyp.  Well actually, it is caused due do to a push back reaction to the heartburn medication that I have been taking.  It is definitely time to go back onto my Iberogast I do believe, which is a natural alternative to the proton pump inhibitors (eg. Pantoprazole).

Colonscopy results revealed rectal polyps, which were removed and sent off for testing.  Thankfully, they were BENIGN *phew*.  Due to finding them, I now need to be checked every 5 years.

THERE'S ALWAYS A BUT...

Speaking of butts, even though those things were discovered, the specialist sadly informed me that they are NOT the answers we were indeed searching for.  Which means that next week I am off for a HIDA scan whereby I will be intravenously injected with radioactive tracer so they can view my liver, gallbladder, bile ducts, and small intestine. Maybe that will answer THE question, or maybe not!

To be completely real with you, my gut (no pun intended) believes that it is indeed bowel endometriosis.  But, ofcourse the one specialist I am STILL waiting on, is the gynecologist!  And I just repeated myself as I said it HERE too!

LAPBAND SURGEON

Oh, next week (on the same day as HIDA scan...one at 9.45am in Williamstown, and the other at 11.00am in St.Albans) I will be seeing the lapband surgeon to address the flipped port mentioned previously HERE, which could, maybe, also correct the pouch (Read HERE to find out what a pouch is...yes, its not the first time) - oh please let it be that easy!  If it doesn't fix it that way my options are: 

a) Remove the band.

This scares the absolute shit out of me!

Recently I've been reading back on some of my old blog posts, which considering the 'weight' related content, could be quite dangerous for someone on the wagon  from an eating disorder (always will be)...same applies for looking back on photographs,  hmmm actually they are quite possibly the biggest of triggers.  Anyway, they've got me thinking about how different my life is now in comparison to the weight obsessed version of old.  Don't get me wrong, I still have moments nowadays where I worry about how I look, especially if I see photos where I look huge, or running into someone I haven't seen in a while...you know the whole I've put on weight since they last saw me thing. 

However, I have found the ability to quickly remind myself that my weight does not define me.  And as much as I don't like to admitt it perhaps there is an element of having someone in my life who doesn't see me for my size, and as a rssult has helped me see all the other little things that add up to make me uniquely me, regardless of what size I am.

Just to remind myself...

I am fun and quirky and love with passion beyond words.

I am determined, stubborn and driven.

I am organised and structured but also love to just fly by the seat of my pants every now and then.

I am creative and arty and see the beauty in things others find mundane.

I am positive,  optimistic and love my bifocal rose coloured glasses, half glass full mentality.

I have amazing people in my life who offer friendship, love and support.

There are so many things that make me ME; my weight is only the vechile in which holds it all.

So as I was saying, I am scared.  Scared of possibly ending uo back in both ends of the scale morbidly obese, or anorexic.  

b) Replace band with sleeve or bypass.  Nottle is leaning more towards the sleeve with me as apparently I'm not heavy enough for bypass (oh gosh still makes me shake my head and giggle in disbelief).  I've gotta say, I'm not actually opposed to option b, problem however. is that there is a 5+ year public waiting list.  Alternatively I can take out private health insurance which would probably see it happen within  year, but  I think we would struggle to fit into the budget. Then again we used to find money for smokes, which reminds me...

I am 60 days smokefree as of today 13th February 2020.

BREAST SURGERY

And the biggest news of all is that I got THE call today and (drum roll please)...

My BREAST SURGERY date has been set for Monday 24th February 2020...only 10 days away...holy frogballs, now it's real I'm packing my dacks eeekkk!

The above could obviously depend upon the results of my HIDA scan (although my inflammatory markers, blood sugar and vitals are all good for take off), so even though part of me is hoping it will hold the answers we are looking for, the other part does not want to miss this surgery date as my lumpy bits in my lumps have grown (still waiting on that call I mentioned HERE about the follow up diagnostics) and along with it my anxiety.

Ohhhh and talking about the surgery date, guess who is due to get her nightmare of a monthly visitor a few days before...blergh!  So, given how bloody horrible (literally) TTOTM is for me, I totally went against something I believe in and visited my GP for a magic pill to stop it; just during surgery and initial recovery, remembering that for the reconstruction they are taking muscle, skin, fat and blod vessels from my inner thighs (from groin down towards knee).  I certainly do not need that mess!

PLUMBING

Oooh that reminds me...the plumbing drama mentioned HERE still has not been resolved.  Thankfully however, after calling the real estate agent and explaining the fact that I am going for a huge op, and as such will NEED indoor plumbing, 15 days later 'some' progress has been made.  So okay sure we don't have plumbing inside again yet, but its a start!

NO ANSWER = ANSWER

Huh?

I mentioned in my last blog (HERE) that I had been a negative nelly and planned to do the work to turn my frown upside down.  The past few days I have spent very slowly (apart from my toilet dashes) pottering about in my garden, and as I have mentioned previously in my 'gardening' posts (see labels at bottom of page) I find it very meditative and cleansing.  Also, the fresh air and vitamin D from the sunshine helps me to think more clearly.  Which led me to the revelation that all these tests that are not providing us with an answer to our looming question, are actually giving us an answer.  They are telling us everything that the pain/symptomology are not!  Which in of itself is pretty insightful and makes the original daunting list of possibilities less daunting.  A huge thankyou to my little sis Marketta for helpin me find a different perspective!

Well thats it for now I think.  Until next time, sending LLP to you xo Tash.