Tashs Treatment Plan

Goal 1: To improve my resistance to stress

Time frame to achieve: 3 to 6 months

Healthy diet

1. Tea/Coffee Reduction

Confession time: Hi, I'm Tash and I am a 'bordom' tea/coffee drinker. I have at least 6-8 cups (well mugs actually) of tea/coffee per day. My first and last cup of tea are made with lite milk and each have a heaped teaspoon of raw sugar, In the others the sugar is reduced to 1/2 a teaspoon. My coffees, of which is usually only ever two per day, are both made with lite milk, and a heaped teaspoon of raw sugar. My morning coffee acts more like a very effective laxative, and the second is to give me a little more 'ooph', or because I'm sick of tea LOL. I will say, that even though I have 6-8 cups, I tend not to drink them all; I get side tracked and forget its there, and then it goes cold ewww! What I have noticed with my cuppas is that sometimes the 'milk' feels 'thick' in my mouth.  This I think is my bodies way of saying it doesn't want the milk.  So, based on lets go with 8 cups per day, that means whilst I may not be eating much, I am having at around 6, lets say 8 teaspoons of raw sugar per day, which equals 128 'wasted' calories, but thats not my focus right now. Oh, I also have a hot chocolate just before bed.  

Did you know that on average?

• A cup of coffee contains 60-200mg caffeine.
• A cup of black tea contains 40-80mg caffeine.
• A cup of cocoa contains 5-40mg of caffeine.

So whats that, 400mg - 920mg of caffine per day.  

With the recommended daily intake being 400mg/d, its all starting to make sense.  Especially considering that caffine can:

• Increase cholesterol 
• Increase risk of peptic ulcers by 72%
• Increase urinary excretion of phosphorus, potassium, magnesium and calcium
• Reduce iron absorption by up to 39% 
• Increase anxiety/insomnia at higher doses
• Impair glucose tolerance when consumed on an empty stomach

Natuopathic Plan:

• Swap two cups of caffinated tea for herbal tea e.g., cinnamon, chamomile, ginger, lemon balm.
• Swap late night cup of tea for sleepy herbal tea blend.
• Aim to drink last coffee of the day before midday.
• Swap one caffinated coffee for a decafe option e.g., 'Before you Speak Adrenal'.

My additions:

• Swap back to almond milk
• Reduce and then eliminate sugar in my teas, or try to embrace stevia
• Swap every second cup of tea for a herbal tea

2.  Try not to skip meals

A healthy diet can support immune function and repair the damage to cells by overproduction of hormones; adrenaline which suppresses the appetite, and cortisol responsible for the cravings.  This makes so much sense considering (1) I regularly skip meals eating only at dinner (family time), and/or once I am in bed and relaxed (which means going to sleep on a full tummy), and/or (2) I comfort eat; which admittedly is no way near the extreme it once was (aka I am no longer bulimic).  

Naturopathic Plan: 

• Choose foods for the mood
• Eat the rainbow
• Add a morning protein smoothie

Something that in the past helped me to reset and start feeling good was having my morning 'green' smoothies, so I am quite excited about restarting those again. I think my kids will be too actually, even Ace who is quite fussy when it comes to foods.

The naturopathic suggestion was to add some ground flaxseed, banana, leafy greens, berries, peanut/any nut butter with the Wellness road brand hemp or pea protein from Coles which is around $10. I love the fact that it is easily obtainable and affordable.

In all honesty, anything extra I can add to my diet during the day will be beneficial. Especially high nutrient dense foods (including omega 3's, protein, fibre, and good fats) as not only will it provide fuel for my body and therefore help with my low energy levels, it will also help to regulate my both my mood and blood sugar levels.

Top Ten Foods For your Mood.

• Spinach: Anxiety-relieving and mood-boosting. Source of magnesium (aids calmness) and folate (helps body to produce mood regulators; serotonin and dopamine).
• Pumpkin Seeds: Source of zinc (lowers anxiety levels), and essential amino acid tryptophan (converted by the body to serotonin). 
• Berries: Source of antioxidants (protect body against stress) and vitamin C (anxiety-relieving). 
• Avocados: Mood booster due to tryptophan, folate, omega-3 fatty acids and B vitamins (stress reducers).
• Tumeric: Antioxidant, anti-inflammatory, and anxiety-relieving.
• Chia & Hemp Seeds: Source of Omega-3s fatty acids (healthy fats that are anxiety-relieving).
• Brazil Nuts: Source of selenium (mood regulator, anti-inflammatory, and anxiety-relieving).
• Dark Chocolate: Anxiety-relieving, Anti-depressent due to phenylalamine (mood regulator).
• Chickpeas: Source of tryptophan, folate and magnesium (stress relievers) and low glycemic carbohydrates (<55).

Eat the Rainbow

Eating two or more, half cup serves of brightly coloured fruits and vegetables per day increases our antioxidant intake, which helps to protect the body against stress and supports immunity and healing by reducing inflammation and cell damage.

• Fruit: blueberries, cherries and other dark berries, apples, pears, dark stone fruit, red and black grapes, figs, papaya, kiwi fruit and pineapple.
• Vegetables: tomatoes, capsicum, beetroot, carrots, pumpkin, sweet potato, radish, artichoke, avocado, broccoli, kale, spinach, cabbage, red and black legumes, onions. 
• Herbs and spices: garlic, turmeric, ginger, cinnamon, fennel seeds, mustard seeds, chili, rosemary, thyme, sage, parsley, coriander, oregano, peppermint. 
• Sources of omega 3: small oily fish (sardines, mackerel, anchovies, herrings), walnuts, flaxseeds, chia seeds.

My additions:

• The items crossed out are things I dont eat because they are gross!

3. Increase Hydration.

Okay, I need to make another confession.  I do not drink anywhere near enough water on a regular basis! Water is essential to life! 50-80% of our bodies are made up of water, so we NEED it for all our chemical processes; digestion, nutrient absorption, movement, excretion, and temperature regulation.

Naturopathic Plan: 

• Increase water intake to 750ml per day before next appointment (12/10/23).
• The aim is to get daily water intake to 2 litres.

My additions:

• I have been adding some flavourings into my water to make it a little more enjoyable e.g., lemon slices, diet cordial, and herbal infusion tea.
• I also take my prescribed supplement N-Acetyl-Cysteine (to support liver, blood sugar regulation and addiction) in a glass full of water every morning.
• In swapping out some of cuppa teas for herbal teas, this will also boost my water intake.
• I also add 7 drops of Australian Bush Flower Essence 'Confid' to my water when I go to uni, to help me with my confidence in social situations throughout the day. With each sip I repeat the following affirmation.

I am confident in myself and my abilities, and am making positive changes in my life.

Lifestyle

1. Incorporate some daily self love practices

Naturopathic Plan: 

• Journal for 10 minutes each day writing down the following points: Today I am proud of myself because? Today I felt good when? Today I am grateful for? I love 'blah blah' about myself.  

I'll be honest, I'm resistant to this one, so I've decided to adapt it a bit until I am ready.

My additions:

• I will post my daily gratitude on social media.
• I will be proud of my accomplishments, and not solely focus on the points lost.
• I will graciously accept compliments by simply saying "Thank you".
• I will include a daily affirmation with my morning and night flower essence.

I meet and accept myself where I am and I choose to love myself today.

I meet and accept myself where I am and I am proud of all I achieved today.

2. Increase Movement

Naturopathic Plan: 

• Try incorporating an online yoga class daily such as Yoga with Adriene

This will help to support healthy weight management, insulin resistance and natural endorphin production. 

My additions:

• Instead of doing yoga daily, I will commit to 2 days per week.
• I will do my Lymphodema/Physiotherapy exercises 2 day per week.
• I will go for a walk, do a dance video, or do something else to move 2 days per week. 
• I will have 1 day of rest where anything goes e.g., nothing or something.

I am a little annoyed I waited until the good weather to get back into my walks because., a) theres the sun which I love more when I'm in the shade; b) Its magpie swooping season and the little buggers scare me; and c) my lymphodema is worse for heat, so I yet again self-sabbotaged.  

However, I plan to combat this by doing my Lymphodema/Physiotherapy exercises on the days in between so that way it assists me to remain consistent.

I love dancing; the movement, the freedom, the way it makes me feel.  Sometimes I just dance to whatever of the kids music is playing, or I do a dance workout video.  I especially enjoy the Fitness Marshall, and I do this other Walk Dance one.

I am looking forward to trying 'Boogie Bounce' with Sarah, although after watching the video I wondering if I'll be able to keep up, and are a little iffy on how the bouncing will go with my back.  On the other hand, I have read that boucing is ultra beneficial for lymphodema.  I am also ultra excited that the warmer weather is here which means swimming again, which also helps the lymphodema, and my mental health as I love the water.  Oooh just thought of going to the beach made me feel good.

Photo by Natasha Hurst

My ultimate goal is to get back to the training I was doing pre-surgery e.g., (crossfit, HITT/Tabata, boxing, running). Whilst I may not have always enjoyed doing it, I loved the endorphins it produced and the way I felt for it.  Plus I looked bloody good!

Ooh, I just remembered that I need to buy myself a wirefree sports bra.  I am still wearing the surgical bras I brought three years ago, and lets face it, they are doing nothing for me.  I've put it off for so long because the surgical process isn't finished, but I can't put it off any longer. 

3. Vagal nerve stimulation.

Naturopathic Plan: 

The vagus nerve is the longest nerve in the body. It is the major component of the parasympethetic nervous system or "rest and digest'. It is responsible for digestion, immune response, heart rate and controlling mood. Strengthening the Vagus Nerve can be achieved by the exercises below which help you switch from "flight or flight" to "rest and digest".

• Deep breathing (make sure your stomach expands outwards with each breath).
• Singing humming and chanting.
• Cold exposure (cold burst last 30 seconds of shower). 
• Exercise - walking or yoga is beneficial for brain and mental health.

My additions:

• Lymphodema exercises
• Playing guitar and singing
• Shower daily
• Exercise was spoken about above

Deep breathing is also a part of my Lymphodema exercises which is a bonus.

The vagus nerve is connected to your vocal chords at the back of your throat, which explains why when I'm feeling a bit low, I always gravitate to playng my guitar and singing power ballads. I received the most wonderful comment from Sorgi Stories the other day, and part of what was written said "...Maybe it's in one thing you do for someone. Like when your hands can do it, giving your gift of music to someone who needs it, ...the kind of gift that opens the human heart to itself and heals.That's love.There is a power in the recognition of loving yourself, in loving someone else, that fuels your spirit & soul through challenge...". So, I've decided that on the days I do play and sing, or even just do karaoke in my carport haha, I will record it and share here, in the hopes that I make a difference in your (you reading this) life, as well as mine.

In a household of six, it is not uncommon for the hot water to run out on me so I've pretty much already got the cold exposure covered hahaha. I will however, be mindful to which to cold just before jumping out on the days I do get some hot water.

Health Appointments

• Exercise physiologist
• General Practitioner (Appointment 4/10/23)
• Gynacology (Appointment 17/10/23)
• Naturopath (Appointment 12/10/23)
• Optometry
• Osteopath
• Chiropractic
• Podiatry
• Lapband
• Counselling (Appointment 25/10/23)
• Dental (Appointments 31/10/23 & 1/11/23)
• Lymphodema Clinic (Booked but forgotten when)
• Breast surgeon
• Lymphatic drainage massage
• Womans health clinic (Waiting on appointment)
• Diabetic Nurse

I look at this list and think 'Holy heck, it's alot'.  But, I am so proud of myself for being proactive in my health journey.  I am worthy of the time to attend these sessions, of ensuring that I am doing all that I can to achieve the best possible health outcomes for myself.

I've got a referral to the exercise physiologist so I will give them a call and make the appointment. Actually, I am in two minds about this one.  Maybe for now it would be more beneficial to use it for the osteopath instead until I am ready to increase my activity? Or maybe going will help to blend my Lymphodema/Physio and general exercise better?  I'll think on it a little more.

Before my next Naturopathic consult I need to get my GP to order a blood panel to check my B12, HBA1C, thyroid, and iron. I'm pretty sure it's been 3 months since my last lot of bloods and Diabetic review so I was due to get them done .  I also have to head back for another hoohar burn too.

Since I'm talking about making appointments, I also need to call and book appointments for my eyes, feet, back, and lapband, and ofcourse juggle the time to fit them in.

I am a huge advocate for seeing a trained professional in the field of mental health. Not only does it allow you to express your thoughts and feelings in a nonjudgmental space, but they can also provide beneficial strategies to help reduce stress. That reminds me, I will check with my GP when my mental health plan needs renewing.

I really dislike going to the dentist, but it is so important, especially considering that after years of vomitting, along with the reflux, I have worn the enamel off my teeth.  Since the back to back ops in 2020 I have had so much trouble with my teeth.  One of my major embarrassments is the gap in my smile due to needing to have a tooth removed during covid as I couldn't afford a root canal.  Sadly, I was booked for a root canal for the tooth on the opposite side but now they are saying it can't be saved and they want to remove it.  I am personally not will for that to happen just yet.  I will definiely be asking for a partial dentures or something like that.  They refused the falseys as the rest of my teeth are okay, which on one hand is a bonus, but on the other not so much.

And..., I just realised that I did not add my next lymphodema appointment into our Family Wall App, so I need to call and find out when that is as I dont want to miss it as theres over a six month wait each time.

I also need to make an appointment to see my breast surgeon, but as much as I want the operation to happen, I don't think I'm ready for another one just yet.  Feb/March next year would work, or even July because that's mid-semested break.  If I could find out in time to know whether to enrol in online/blended subjects that would be handy.

Ooh I also need to find somewhere locally that does lymphatic drainage massage. 

I am also waiting on an appointment with a womans health clinic to look at the menopause stuff.  I am hoping that by the time it finally gets booked, I will be managing it alot better with the changes I am implementing.

As usual this post became ultra epic.  If you have made it through reading all this, you are AWESOME and I am so APPRECIATIVE!

Until next time, 

LLP xo Tash

Read more "Tashs Treatment Plan"

Setting Goals...

Writing a wish list is an awesome step.  I am so proud of myself for acknowledging what needs to change in order for me to feel more vitalised and connected with myself (as an already perfect creation, in the image of God).  However, it is only one part of the process, one piece of the puzzle.  Turning those wishes into a reality is the next step.  I am ready, I am willing, and I believe I am worthy of the next step.  Which means, I need to set some goals! 

When I start the goal setting process I ask myself a few questions first.

• Why? 
• What? 
• How? 

The first and second I've already answered, now its times to look at how can I achieve them.  More specifically, to ask myself, what do I need to do to make my wish a reality?

To do this, I use the saying and acronym that Goals should be S.M.A.R.T!! 

• Specific
• Measureable
• Achievable/Attainable
• Realistic/Relevant
• Time Based

You can read more about each of the steps in details HERE, although the goals in that post no longer apply.

There are 31 items on my Vitality Wish List. Hmm, where to start? Lets go with the first item on the list, which is to 'Reduce and deal with stress better', more specifically 'To improve my resistance to stress', remembering that some things are legitimately outside of my control.

Lets talk about stress!

What is stress?  If everyone experiences stress for different reasons, how then does the one word cover it all?  I guess to sum in up, stress is the feeling of discomfort which surfaces when we are faced with something that theatens our optimal wellbeing.

Did you know there are three main types of stress that occurs in our daily lives, that can be experienced in combination with each other?

• Acute e.g., a random event such getting stuck in traffic.
• Acute episodic e.g., recurring uni/work deadlines.
• Chronic e.g., persistent events like health issues, financial struggles. 

Also, although I listed stress under the mind category, did you know that it actualy affects your body, and spirit too?  For example., anxiousness can feel like a knot in my stomach, and/or my mind racing at a hundred miles per hour. Afterwards, I am left with a headache, and perhaps even guilt because I lashed out at those I love, or because I comfort ate a crap tonne of things that I know that isn't good for my body. 

This is an automatic 'Fight or Flight' reponse as a way of self protection; whereby, when faced with 'stress' the body automatically kicks it up a gear or two and floods with stress hormones (e.g., adrenaline and cortisol) to essentially prepare you for battle. Not to say this is a bad thing, in fact it is ultra beneficial in many sitations.  However, if this response is relentless, the body becomes over exposed to the hormones, which can cause disruption of the bodies processes causing inflammation and damage to our cells, aka dis-ease and/or disease.  

With this in mind..., you know how I said I wouldn't go all hell for leather and do them all at once, and slow and steady is the best course of action? This is where things get a bit tricky because of the interconnction.  Given this, there are realistically some things that can be grouped together, which means doing more than one thing at once in a relevant and beneficially healthful way to achieve/attain my goal.  It may make more sense if you can see it on paper.  

Below, in bold is a general stress control tip, and underneath it is a point from my vitality wish list:

Goal 1: To improve my resistance to stress

Mental health counseling or other social support.

- Catch up with friends

- Counselling appointments

- Meet and accept myself where I am 

Healthy diet.

- Improve nutrition

- Hydrate

- Feel healthy and comfortable in my own skin again. 

Regular exercise.

- Move

- Physiotherapy Exercises

- Feel healthy and comfortable in my own skin again. 

Work-life balance.

- Take Medication/Supplements as prescribed. 

- Book in and attend medical appointments. 

- Attend regular naturopathic consultations 

- Keep budgeting/paperwork in check.

- Keep house clean and organised (including outside areas) 

- Routine, Balance, and Consistency 

- Quality family time 

- Intimate connection with my sweet man

Good sleep hygiene. 

- Improve quantity and quality of sleep

- Read or Listen to audio books

Meditation or deep breathing techniques.

- Focus on gratitude

- Daily Affirmations

- Daily Meditation

- Daily Scripture and Prayer

Schedule 'me time' at least once a week.

- Genuinely and graciously savour the time off from work

- Gardening

- Self care

- Feel connected with my local community again

 

Which leaves:

- Reconnect with my purpose

- Look at starting back at work 

- Quit smoking

- Get op ready 

If you look at whats left, even those can be grouped and fit in one of the categories above.  For instance., reconnecting with my purpose blends in with looking at starting back at work, which can be achieved by getting my mental health in check, working on a my work/life balance, and spending time in meditation.  Quitting smoking will enable my body to be more optimally ready for my next op, which can also be achieved with mental preparation and losing some weight, which also falls under the categories of following a healthy diet and exercise.

See what I mean about tricky!

Stay tuned, and in the next post I will go through my plan; this will include both that prescribed by my Naturopath and some things that I have/plan to implement to enhance it.

Thanks for reading, LLP xo Tash 

Read more "Setting Goals..."

Vitality Wish List

So, here comes the self-analysis stuff.  I mean I have been learning the skills, so applying them on myself to get my own s#^+ together seems like the logical step right!?! 

I will say though that I do not believe that in order to help others I need to have it all figured out first; does anyone ever have it all figured out?  I mean just when we think we do something comes up, or we personally change our goal post.  Is life not a constantly evolving process? Anyway, I have experienced firsthand that you can be a work in progress and help others at the same time. Actually, it was the fact I was actively working on myself that helped me inspire and empower others when I was working as a Personal Trainer. Afterall, I am a big believer in leading by example.  

So, I guess in using myself as a ''case study' it is more about reclaiming the me who believed in herself.  To actively take the steps towards feeling worthy of the title I am studying to achieve!  Although, I can proudly say that since I first started writing this post (they take me a while, sometimes days, sometimes weeks), there have already been shifts in that area! 

But I digressed, I do that a lot, imagine being in my head where there a million thoughts all at once and each thought has its own branch, with twigs, and..., get back on track Tash! 

Anyway, since becoming aware of how I felt, or more to the point, since I have actively acknowledged my feelings rather than hiding behind the mask and trying to ignore them (you'd think I would have learnt by now that suppression is not the answer huh!), I've been spending some time taking an aerial view of my life, to gain a broader perspective on what I feel I need to change, or implement in my life to reset, refocus, readjust, and restart again reignited!  I have shared my list below, but before we get there let me tell you a bit more about the process. 

From a naturopathic philosophy view this is known as 'Establishing the conditions of health'; the first step of the naturopathic order whereby you highlight and remove the disturbing factors which when left unaddressed can become obstacles to cure, and as such something that may be acute, ends up becoming chronic or degenerative; in other words, worse than it really needed to be. For example., you have a pebble in your shoe that is making your foot uncomfortable. Instead of removing the pebble you just try to ignore it, and push through the discomfort it is causing. Then, you start to experience pain in your foot, so take off your shoe and notice there is an open wound.  You take the pebble out now right? Nope, you apply some antiseptic and a band aid to the foot, put your shoe back on and keep going. What do you think is going to happen?  Will the wound get better, or will it continue to get worse because what caused the wound in the first place is still in the shoe? You get it right? From a naturopathic point of view, the logical step is to remove the pebble before it becomes a boulder that crushes your being!  In other words, you address the cause (Tolle Totem). 

The pebble, the obstacles, are unique to the individual, although quite commonly include poor diet and lifestyle, excessive stress due numerous reasons such as socio-economic barriers, disruptive coping mechanisms, trauma, toxic exposure, and so on and so forth. Be they in place for an excuse or a reason, or a combination of both,  by acknowledging and removing them  it allows the bodies innate healing ability to be optimally engaged, and the implementation of more healthful regimens and therapeutic interventions to be effective. 

Acknowledgement: This is the first, and dare I say the most important step, as you cannot move from where you are if you do not first acknowledge that change is needed! 

Removing Obstacles: It is one thing to acknowledge that change needs to happen, but another completely to actually 'be ready', 'be willing', or 'believe you are worthy' of doing what needs to be done to change! 

It is worth noting here that acknowledgement and the action of removing obstacles, may not follow one after the other in quick procession.  In fact, acknowledgement alone may be a back and forth process, whereby one 'knows' that is something is not quite right, but does not progress past that point, for days, weeks, even years.  This is similarly the case with being ready to implement change.  Oh, and of course there is the one I actually think is the clincher; believing that you are worthy!  That you are worthy of dedicating the time to work on yourself.  That you are worthy of showing yourself the love you so freely give to others.  That you are worthy of not just settling with your lot in life, that you deserve to walk in pebble free shoes! 

In the past I called the list I'm going to share, My 'Happiness' to do list but the word didn't really fit - you can ready more about why I thought that HERE. The word 'vitality' on the other hand, which in its simplest form refers to universal "life force", fits perfectly!  Why did it take me so long to figure that out, seriously slapping my forehead right now! 

Stimulating vitality, more formally known as the Vis Medicatrix Naturae is the second step of the Naturopathic order. It is about implementing healthful regimens to stimulate and boost the "oomph" that gives us our spark, zest, energy, to not only endure, but to survive and thrive in the process. 

Something I feel needs to be mentioned here, is that although my list is extensive, as my vitality is currently 'low', taking a 'gentle' approach is the best course of action not to overwhelm and cause further dis-ease.  This again reinforces what I spoke of in my previous blog.  Here is a very brief recap for those who have not read it. The "all or nothing" mindset I held to achieve perfection, of which was measured against where I was when not dealing with the myriad of factors present today, was not serving to heal my body, but further dis-stress it. Thus, in order to achieve the 'consistency' I desire, in a way that aids the healing process, I needed to shift my mindset to that of 'something is better than nothing' and embrace a 'slow and steady' approach. 

In embracing the naturopathic philosophy of 'First do no harm (Primum non nocere)' this means utilising the least amount of force in order to promote gentle, safe and long-lasting health and well-being.  Over time, as my vitality increases, adjustments can be made.  In other words, unlike the me who would have written this list and then done a complete overhaul to address them all at once, I will be breaking it down piece by piece and doing what I can, when I can..., with the mindset that small steps each day will be more beneficial overall! 

What you will notice about my list is that it is separated into the categories of mind, body, and spirit to encompass all dimensions of wellness.  Each are intimately and very intentionally intertwined, and as such one can affect the other.  For example.  If you do not put fuel (food) into the car (body), it will not run.  If you do not check the engine (mind), it can lead to problems that make its performance not quite right.  I could go on producing more analogies, but I think you have got it! For me personally (and I know that this is not everyone cuppa of tea), in taking a holistic view we are looking at all the parts of ourselves as one, as “created in the image of God”; of which I have no doubts that great care and dedication were taken to get each part exactly right.  I mean, how fascinating is the human body! 

Something else I should share is that I do not think ‘good health’ is simply an absence of illness. It is the culmination of the physical, mental and spiritual centres of an individual working in harmony together to provide balance.  It is an individual process and as such an individualised integrative approach is needed to provide the diversity of treatment.  In other words, a one size fits all mechanistic approach is not the answer, although I do believe that the scientific knowing of the mechanics does have its place.

Anyway, I have once again written an epic novel, and really all I was trying to do is share my list.  So, with no further ado, here it is (Hallelujah I hear your say hehehe)!

Tash's VITALITY Wish List 

MIND

- Reduce and deal with stress better

- Reconnect with my purpose

- Read or Listen to audio books

- Focus on gratitude

- Genuinely and graciously savour the time off from work

- Keep budgeting/paperwork in check. 

- Look at starting back at work 

- Gardening

- Catch up with friends

- Daily Affirmations 

- Counselling appointments 

- Meet and accept myself where I am 

BODY

- Improve quantity and quality of sleep

- Take Medication/Supplements as prescribed. 

- Book in and attend medical appointments. 

- Attend regular naturopathic consultations 

- Improve nutrition

- Hydrate

- Move

- Physiotherapy Exercises

- Feel healthy and comfortable in my own skin again. 

- Quit smoking

- Get op ready 

SPIRIT

- Daily Meditation

- Daily Scripture and Prayer

- Keep house clean and organised (including outside areas) 

- Routine, Balance, and Consistency 

- Quality family time 

- Intimate connection with my sweet man

- Self care

- Feel connected with my local community again

This is it ‘for now’, because as I said earlier, is life not constantly evolving?

“A man’s mind plans his way [as he journeys through life], But the Lord directs his steps and establishes them” (Proverbs 16:9).

Read more "Vitality Wish List"

Putting it out there...

I wasn't ready to dive into this when I first posted as quite honestly for me it feels a bit like a broken record that is stuck on the same part of the song, and Im over it!

Oh, I'm referring to the "valid reasons" I mentioned in the last post. I used quotations here because for so long I haven't acknowledged them as that, because to me they've just been an excuse that I've allowed to control me. There really is a fine line between the two sometimes.  I guess the difference is whether you allow those valid reasons to become excuses, or if you do whatever you can to succeed in spite of them! 

Before I delve into them, I will say here that the reason I've decided to post about it, is because whether I like it or not, they are a major part of the bigger picture. I know, that it is important for me to acknowledge and make peace with it, so that I'm working with and not against it, in order to move forward! 

I will also add here that some days are worse than others but..., and there it is again, the but!

But..., it sucks that on those bad days, of which if I am honest, outweigh the good, I am restricted in so many ways, which makes consistency difficult. Actually, thinking about, I'm restricted on good days too, because if I push too hard then I know a bad one will follow, and so goes the vicious cycle, and the reason I gave up, surrendering to my excuses.  

I guess, I've been thinking in terms of black or white with no shades of grey, I do have a habit of doing that!  It's the all or nothing, and nothing half arsed attitude I've been wired to possess!  A great way to get things done, but not great for maintaining a state of equilibrium, and not a great way of being 'kind' to my overall wellbeing.  This mindset, programming, belief, is something that I am working on, but If I talk about that now I'll digress from getting out what I want to get, so let's come back to it later, or even in another blog! 

Another thing that sucks, is that I feel guilty for feeling this way because I know there are people out there who have endured, are enduring, so much worse, and yet...!  I know, I know, my feelings are mine and so they are valid blah blah, I am sure I wrote about this in a past blog. Actually, I'd better unpack that a bit as the blah blah makes it seem like I'm brushing it off, and I don't want that to be the case. I want to get rid of this unneeded baggage I'm carrying, and in order to do that, I need to be completely honest, real, and raw, as uncomfortable as it may be.  So let me give that another go..., 

I know..., that in feeling guilty about feeling the way I do, I am my own worst critic, and what I really need to do is treat myself with kindness. To acknowledge and accept that what I've been through, what I'm currently going through, is real.  As such, I have the right to feel whatever I am feeling, regardless of what others have been through, or are going through, relative to my own experience. In feeling what I'm feeling, it doesn't mean I'm ungrateful or more worthy to express it than another, it just simply means I'm human! Realistically, I can be grateful for an abundance of things in my life, and still suffer from my "valid reasons", as they are not mutually exclusive. So essentially, in feeling (gosh, I've used that word alot) that I don't have a right to complain about my circumstances, I've been invidating my feelings (there it is again)! 

So, here I am, giving myself permission to "feel", what I "feel", when I "feel" it, without "feeling" guilty, for "feeling" the way I "feel", in light of others' suffering that I hold empathy and compassion for.  Everyone has challenges, everyone faces adversity, it is just different for each if us! My challenges, my difficulties are mine and that makes them valid. Fullstop. Exclamation mark! 

My first step in no longer allowing them to control me, is to talk, well write about them in this very public forum. So here goes (in no particular order), let's start with what's been going on for me since the mastectomy,  hysterectomy..., and last foob surgery actually, as it's been since the latter that things have spiralled, which fits within the past 18 month timeline.  

Major epiphany moment right now! I mean, I just realised that after the last operation, life was crazy for one reason or another, and the emotions of that busyness were all over the shop!  Put simply, I didn't have, or more correctly, I didn't prioritise the proper time needed for me to heal. I just simply sucked it up and endured through it!  *Boom - mind blown* 

I digressed, where was I? Oh yeah, what I've been dealing with... 

Pain: This is something I face constantly, just on differing extremes.  

Type 1: The worst of it is the post-mastectomy/reconstruction neuralgia.  The best way I can describe it is this: Imagine having a hot poker randomly stuck into your side just under the armpit and then dragged along the border of your breasts; or perhaps having it randomly jabbed into your chest or nipple and twisted; or, and this is probably my least favourite, having that hot poker jabbed into your inner thigh and pulled slowly upwards towards the groin.  It's not fun, that's for sure, and I have a high pain threshold! 

Type 2: A few months ago, after I researched and presented my doc with my theory, and asked for antibody tests to prove it, we discovered that at some stage I had shingles.  The reason for investigating this, random pain in my left shoulder blade, which had been happening for a while but I'd ignored.  This also starts with the hot poker, but then feels more like I have bugs biting me under the skin, which then gets so itchy I could claw my skin apart. 

Type 3: Then ofcourse there's my lower back, which seems to have a mind of its own and every now and then will decide to just not play nice. I have MRI results from the last time I even up in hospital, and basically it's nerve compression, bulging discs, degeneration. I can't even begin to describe what the actual back pain feels like, but I can say that in combination with it, I experience what feels like the bones in my hoohar are broken, hmm out of place.  I have no other words.  I do see an awesome chiropractor which helps.  However,  I don't make myself a priority to have regular maintenance, which means it's always just about fixing the problem to get me back on my feet. The weight gain ofcourse, does not help! I'll talk more about the last two things in another post! 

Type 4: For a while now (not long after the hysterectomy actually and that was in August 2020), I've been experiencing phantom ovary pain, which considering my ovaries were removed is odd to say the least.  This feels like someone punching me deep in the lower left side of my gut and then squeezing and twisting, letting go, and then doing it again when I least expect it.  I have had tests for it, and one finding was diverticulitis, and another revealed that I've torn a deep abdominal muscle; how is anyone's guess! My gallbladder, pancreas, and liver were all clear when I was last tested in Jan 2020 after the random episode that landed me in hospital on Aces 16th, although in my recent Naturopathic appointment, this was an area that was highlighted to be supported. So who knows! 

I think that's about it for the pain, other than the fact that my bung knee has been making its presence known again.  Once again the weight gain doesn't help! Anyway, on my good days the pains there but lingers in the background like a creepy stalker.  On my worst days, I have all types all at once, and there's not nearly enough cuss words to help ease it! 

The 'general' solution given: A crap tonne of a myriad of medication for months on end, all with the same side effect of weight gain, and sedation ranging from "here but not here' and 'goodnight, I'll see you in a couple of days'.  The good news however is that I am no longer taking any pain meds what so ever.  I will admit though, there's a part of me that isn't convinced it's a good thing, as the downfall of that is somedays the pain is ultra intense to the point of unbearable.  Pain isn't your friend, despite all the claims it is! Anyway, the damage of taking them for as long as I did is hard to reverse, and the whole addiction and withdrawal stuff isn't much fun either.  Oh, you wanna know something ironic.  I deal with all these types of pain with nary a complaint, but if I get the smallest injury e.g. broken toe, or paper cut, you'll hear about haha! 

Lymphedema: I never understood how truly painful and debilitating this is, until experiencing it.  Some days I feel like my arms and legs are going to explode, and trying to move them is like lifting blocks of concrete. There's the cankles, and  calves bigger than my thighs, which means somedays not even my socks will fit, let alone the clothing I wore only a day or two ago. And walking only a few steps can feel like a marathon.  My hands on somedays can't even hold a pen, and are so sore and swollen that I can't hold my husbands hand.  If I play guitar, piano, paint, write or even type for a long period, then my hands are out of action for at least a couple of days due to the swelling.  This one is something I'm struggling with the most I think, because I really miss working, and I need my hands to do it. I do like digging in my elbows but I need to build up to that part haha!  

Oh and talking about elbows, very recently, I've gotten bloody psoriasis!  I've dealt with that in the past on my scalp, but never anywhere else.  With the scalp it happened whenever the water source would change.  But the elbows I don't know!  I'm going to make a herbal cream, and look into it a bit more before it gets worse, but I digressed, again! 

I have a Lymphodema specialist, and recently received my compression stockings from the SWEP program; I'm still waiting on the ones for my arms and hands.  They are great and definitely help, but it is like running a marathon just to get them on and off.  Not only that, my lymphoedema is worse for heat, which means I need to wear them in summer and I am not looking forward to that, especially considering the menopausal hot flushes. Oh did I mention that the more I 'move' the worse it gets?  And yet, physical activity, and weight loss are things that will also make it better!  And there in lies another reason I just gave up and allowed it to control me! 

Menopause: I really don't even know where to begin with this one. Let's see, hot flushes day and night, restless legs, mood swings, no libido whatsoever, dry skin, coarse hair, random chin blemishes, weigh gain. As I can't do Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) and am limited with herbal options, I've really done nothing to support myself through it.  Oh I did try a pharmacological medication was technically for depression and nerve pain, but also helps dilate blood vessels which helps to reduce hot flushes BUT that was a major NO!  I woke up one morning and my eyes were BULGING out of my head.  Imagine like a wide eyed stare!  It freaked me out.  Doc suggested stopping the meds and then trying again in a few days, which I did and yeah same thing happened so f*@^ that! 

Abnormal vaginal cells: So even though I've had everything removed, given my history I still need to have regular 'vault' smears.  I thought the regular ones were uncomfortable, give me one of those any day. Anyway, test came back as abnormal cells present. So for the past 5 months, every 2 weeks I've been going in and having treatment which burns like a freaking mofo.  To be honest the worst of it is when it's happening, and after that it's more uncomfortable/stingy when sitting and walking for the next few days.  

Lapband Leak:  My band is fooboocachooed!  In fact, there was a mention of removal, which scares the crap out of me and yet its actually not doing anything for me so why not remove it.  I'm not surgery ready yet in both body and mind, but this is something I'll address more down the track. There is alot of resentment around the fact that it isnt working anymore. And yet, I had no fluid it in for so long because I didnt want to rely on it.  Maybe thats the resentment, I wanted it as my back up plan.  Oh well, its not so yeah!  I will be honest, I asked for the sleeve or bypass, but sadly as a public patient, the wait is huge, and I have a lot of scarring, and well, there were alot of brickwalls. 

Insulin Resistance: That is exactly as it says, a resistance to the hormone insulin, which helps to control the amount of glucose (sugar) in the blood, and because the body cells don't respond to the glucose 'normally', it accumulates in the blood, and in my case lead type 2 diabetes, oh and weight gain, and a myriad of other symptoms such as skin conditions (the psoriasis is making more sense), vision disturbance (aka my glasses becoming a permanent fixture these days), vaginal disturbance (hmmm, hello burning fortnightly), concentration issues, memory loss, and so on and so forth!  

What doesn't help this fact, is my lack of consistency in eating; be it eating crap (although in all truth this isnt a major factor; although I will admit that there is still room for adjustment and improvement), or skipping meals; or a combination of both.  Truthfully, it's the skipping meals that is my worst habit, and yet again I've entered starvation mode.  This is, because I don't regularly give my body the fuel it needs to adequately function, the brain triggers a reponse to store the food I consume, rather than using it for energy as a protective mechanism against starvation! 

I'm not going to lie, there is part of me that wants to berate and belittle myself for being in this place again when I freaking know better, but that isn't what's going to help, being unkind to myself is what got me here.  So instead I'm just going to acknowledge it, forgive myself, and love myself enough to turn it around. 

Oh, wanna know something else that impacts metabolic conditions massively? STRESS!!! 

Unfortunately, there are things that are stressing me out massively which I am unable to control. The biggest one, is the lack of finances because since July I havent gotten a payment from centrelink and despite trying to fix it, I keep getting the same message of "...We are still working on it, cases can take longer if complex or if its a busy period", add to that the fact that Marks boss still owes him money, but hasnt paid it yet, which isnt the first time and despite the promise it wouldnt happen again, here we are not able to pay rent when he's out living it up at the Casino - WTAF!  All I can say, is I am so thankful for my kids, but in saying that having to borrow money from them makes me feel like the biggest failure as a parent ever!  It is so easy to say why dont you restart your massage business, or go get a part-time job, but the truth is, its not that easy right now, and it sucks, but I am working on it, it just wont happen as quickly as I'd like, and that also sucks!

Ofcourse there are other stressors too, like uni for instance, but those are normal, and those I can deal with easily enough.  Its more so the lack of finances, Marks declining health, my health and my high expectation for perfection that has the biggest impact.

You know, if a friend of mine, or let's say a client because that's going to be the case soon enough, came to me with all of these things, I know without any hesitation I would say... 

"Holy heck girl, you are amazing!  I mean, just dealing with one of those things is awesome, but to be experiencing them all at once, and on top of it all you are studying, running a household of 6 to 8, and caring for your husband and family at the same time, like WOW.  You are a freaking super woman!" 

Why then, have I been so bloody hard on myself!?! 

I had an EFT tapping session yesterday that was AH-MAZING!  Actually, I had my first last week before I started blogging again, and the shift has been phenomenal. So, as briefly as I can manage here's the revalation! 

Remember how I said I have an all or nothing, and nothing half arsed attitude, but at the same time, struggle with the fact I lack consistency? In a nut shell: Good days equals giving it all I've got, which sees me pushing to the extreme, this inturn results in the Bad days which leaves me frustrated and feeling like a failure, and so rather than do it half arsed, I choose nothing at all! Although they are valid, all of the things I listed above isn't the 'reason' for my lack of consistency. The reason, is my mindset, my level of self expectation, my desire for perfection!  But, I've been measuring my level of self expectation against the pre-sugury me, the me who didn't have all these other 'valid reasons' in her life. Yes, there were other things I was dealing with, but looking back on them now, they were not the same calibre, AND I had already put in the hard yards to get where I was. So essentially, I was trying to go from point A to point Z, without all the steps in between, and in doing so, set myself up for failure!

I have now realised, that I am better off finding a middle ground so that I can maintain consistency, because something is better than nothing! BOOM - Mic Drop!

And..., I have also realised why the Australian Bush Flower Essence "Confid", that my Naturopath choose for me, actually does make sense!

In case you dont know, Flower Essences are a vibrational energetic liquid plant medicine which addresses emotional and spiritual imbalances by stimulating the bodies innate ability to return to a state of optimal balance.  They are made by steeping fresh flower blossoms in water, thereby imprinting the water with the plants energetic patterning.  Flower Essences may be prescribed as a single essence to target a specific area of need, or as a blend which addresses several areas at once, dependent upon the presenting signs/symptoms and outcome desired.  There is different brand and types of essences, and each of the flowers relates to a different emotion.

It is a dream of mine to purchase a flower essence kit, so that I can prepare blends for others to help them on an energetic level, oooohhh maybe I can add certain flowers to my garden too so that I can make my own essenses.  

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Here we go again!

Okay, so its been 2 years and 3 months since I've done a deep and meaningful blog post on the life and times of Tash, so I hope you are ready for it.  Maybe it would be best for you to go and make yourself a cuppa first!

I will be completely honest, I have been riding a pendulum about whether to post this or not as quite honestly it feels like a dark portal from the past has engulfed me and and I am once again fighting the demons I overcome way back when..., but here I am!

I would have loved to get on here and tell you that everything is all hunky dory, but truth be told, I have lost the 'spark' I once had for life!  Maybe its with our households odd socks haha!

I don't know exactly when and why my spark for life fizzled. Although, I do know that for months now, dare I say at least 18 of them, I have allowed myself to be defeated by things that I can't control rather than focusing on things I can. As a result, I am no longer in that place where I was proud of the person I worked my arse off to become, the one who was comfortable in her own skin, the one who felt happy on all levels of her being; mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, essentially!

Not to say I'm not happy, I mean why wouldn't I be, I have an amazing husband and fantastic kids, a great family, awesome friends, and I'm following my dreams to become a Naturopath, but...

And there it is, the 'but ...'! 

Its that but ..., that has me feeling frustrated, angry, overwhelmed, sad, lonely, and exhausted beyond words!

There are days I have no get up and go what so ever...,

There are days where I don't shower and so I'm still in the clothes I was wearing a few days ago...,

There are days where my house is less than the standard that I personally like to maintain...,

There are days where the thought of going out and having to talk to people outside of my bubble sends me into a panic...,

There are days where I can cry at the drop of a hat...,

There are days where I am an emotionless cold hearted b*...,

And there are days where dark thoughts creep in and scare the absolute crap out of me...!

So yeah, how's that for real hey eekkk!  

I guess if I were to sum it up, I feel like I've just been enduring life, and not fully living or embracing it!

Look, I know there are valid reasons for it. Afterall, I have my husband, friends, counsellor, naturopath etc, who all remind me to acknowledge the trauma my body has been through as a valid reason!  Plus, I am a chronic overthinker who has done a shizzle tonne of self analysis to ensure that I wasn't just hiding behind excuses!  Although admittedly some excuses do exist, but I'll leave them for another time or else this blog will end up even more epic than it's already going to be.

For those who have been following along, in all truth a big part of the reason for my 'current feels' does relate to the after effects of the mastectomy/hysterectomy. Although I feel if I continue on this topic I'll digress and end up down a whole other rabbit hole, so for now let's leave this one here too!  I mean, the fact that this is a factor, annoys me to no end, and yes I know PTSD is real!  But like I said let's leave this here for now!

So what am I ready to talk about?  Hmm, the fact that I am sitting here feeling uncomfortable in my own skin and thus, hiding away under my security blanket, aka my trusted oodie because of it! I am over feeling this way! 

I am also sick of this sad sack that I've become! I used to be such a becon of positivity, determined to focus on the silver lining.  So much so that it was on the verge of unhealthy positivity; yes that is actually a thing!  I feel like I've lost that optimism and it has instead been replaced by cynicism, seeing me focusing on the negative aspects of life.

Anyway as the saying goes, if you don't like it, change it. And if you can't change it, change the way you look at it blah blah!

So, it's time for me to do what is in my power to regain control of my life, or at least try to look at those I can't control from a different lense.

Easier said than done let me tell you!  As I said  before, there are 'reasons' outside of my control that are going to make this journey incredibly freaking frustrating, and dare I say, even almost impossible at times.

However, I am digging deep to find that fire that used to burn bright, the one that fueled the girl who kept getting up nomatter how many times she was knocked down.  The one who despite being told she'd never have full control of leg again, did personal training sessions one legged to build the strength to run again and prove them wrong!

Yes that's right folks, I am embarking on a journey to unshed the layers that have buried the healthier, happier me.

I will say though, I must have been so much braver in the past, because the thought of documenting my journey in a public forum, is freaking the absolute crap out of me! Hence the pendulum ride eeekkk!

Let's unpack that a bit shall we?

Why am I so fearful of sharing this journey at this stage of my life? Especially when I have reached a point where quite honestly, unless I value someone as a person, their opinion means diddly squat to me!  I shall not cast my pearls before swine (Mathew 7:6).  In other words, I won't let the opinions of those I don't value affect me as my judgement comes from my creator alone (James 4:12)!

I know without a shadow of a doubt that those I value, aren't going to be judging me.  Hell, they'll be the ones screaming for blue murder on the sidelines telling me I've got this!  I mean afterall, they are my sanity and becons of light even on the days they drive be bonkers, go figure huh!

So what gives?

Honestly, I believe its because I am disgusted in myself, and feeling utterly ashamed! How the actual fudgsticle stick did I get here AGAIN when I promised myself I wouldn't!

And yes I know, there are reasons but that doesn't erase the shame I feel.  And yes, self love, compassion, and forgiveness is all part of this journey.

What I definitely don't want is the focus of this journey to be all about my weight, because it's more than just a number on the scales. And yet, at the same time it always seems to come back to that and it annoys me immensely!

I have sidestepped around this topic time and time again because I know it's a major 'destruction mode' trigger for me.  Infact one of my past triggers was due to my body dysmorphia after the tuck tummy.

However, I can't keep avoid it! Because the more I do, the more defeated I feel.

So here I am!

I decided to share this post in the hopes that with you standing on the sidelines, or perhaps even walking along side me, that it will continue to motivate me to forge ahead with healthy dedication, even when the climb seems too much to bare, and the potholes on my path look more like giant caverns that will swallow me whole.

I have faith that I will endure as God shall renew my strength; I will fly like an eagle, I will run and not be weary, and I shall walk and not be faint" (Isiah 40:31).

I won't guarantee a daily post, but I will be posting updates to share my deepest and innermost thoughts and feelings about the journey ahead!

Much Love, Light and Peace.

Tash!

XOX

P.S.  I took the oodie off to capture these today!  The snake skin leggins are actually quite appropriate hey, considering the whole shedding layers spiel!

Read more "Here we go again!"

Yes, I am still here!

It has been so long since I blogged I don't even know where to begin.  I mean it has been 2 years and 3 months since my last post, where did that time go!?

Whilst I didn't officially blog I did do instagram posts, so if you have time on your hands and want to check it out you can find me at instagram.com/tashhurst

Before I start with the NOW, I figured I would give you a brief summary, so here goes!

2021
June - Jazz turned 16
July - We got told we had to move out of the home we had known for the past 11 years, as it was being torn to the ground.
Aug - The move began, and on the 14th of August at 9am we got the keys to our new home at NO9K.  We were, and still are so thankful for the help we had with the move.
Sept - Ace did a trial run with a carpenter.
Oct - Health update: Broken toe, post mastectomy and phantom ovary pain, torn rotator cuff, hoohar out of place, thus back out, found suspicious lumps in foobs and started the process of investigation again!
Nov - Ace finished up Year 11 and decided he was done with school so started working as a chippie.
Dec - Epic NYE party!

2022
Jan - Ace turned 18, I had a nerve block in my back, but it didn't stop us having an epic time with good friends.
Feb - Foob stuff continued, Jazz started his VET in Horticulture, Ace officially started his Building and Construction apprenticeship. Shit hit the fan helping friends, Louis moved in.
Mar - Op scheduled, and then cancelled.
Apr - Hurst girls trip to Ballarat, Mum had op and then I had my op happened. Glenn moved out (yes you read that right, he moved in sometime in late 2021 as he was in  bad place and well you know...). 
May - Kids got covid
June - Deb meeting, Jazz got a job on Fridays as well as school holidays, Mark got a part time job with local scrapper. Jazz turned 17
July - I had another nerve block in my back.
Aug - Jazz and Simone did their Deb
Sept - Mum got a dog, Tobe.
Oct - Mark turned 50.
Nov - Life = crazy end of year wrap up
Dec - Jazz got a WEC award, Ace got his Ps

2023
Jan - Samantha (Aces Girlfriend) officially moved in, Ace turned 19
Feb - Jazz started year 12, Ace started 2nd year of his apprenticeship
Mar - Jazz took up soccer
Apr - Mark and I celebrated 5 years of marriage.
May - We celebrated the life of my beautiful Yaya Sister Donna; f*$& I miss her!  
June - Jazz turned 18
July - Mark got covid, then I got covid.
Aug - I started going to campus for Uni one day a week, Jazz finished soccer.
September - Mid-semester exams, Celebrated Georgias 18th, which was ultra spesh!

And here we are, almost at the end of September and ready to head into month 10 of 12 for 2023!

I'm going to leave this here for now..., I'll be back again soon, I promise it won't be another 2 years and 3 months ;)

Read more "Yes, I am still here!"