Weight or Body Composition?

SO...I hopped on the scales Friday 30 August 2013 for my monthly weigh in AND the results are: 

Weight UP by 1.3kg

Body Fat DOWN by 2.0% 

Skeletal Muscle UP by .8%

I will be honest and tell you I am really disappointed with the weight results despite knowing that the body composition results are really good.

Anyway, after beating myself up with a whole heap of mental crap including self sabotaging my nutrition (hence the reason there is a gap in my Daily Food Album), and then speaking to my trainer who said exactly what I knew he would say (because I would say the same thing to my clients) - 'WHO CARES ABOUT THE WEIGHT - BODY FAT & MUSCLE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING!'.....

WEIGHT? or BODY COMPOSITION?

Ofcourse I would choose 'OR THIS?'

I have decided to just keep on, keeping on and working towards my goal step and one day at a time.

I am hoping that by doing the hard work with my training and nutrition that eventually it will all have to even out and the weight will in fact come down because it is really hard to ignore the 'weight' when most of my life has been focused around that very thing - it is still a HUGE roadblock for me - Who will I be if I do not have my weight to define me? that is a whole other blog in itself.

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R U OK??

The R U OK? Foundation is a not-for-profit organisation dedicated to encouraging all people to regularly and meaningfully ask 'are you ok?' to support those struggling with life.

How many of you when asked this question will answer with the generic...'I'm FINE' or 'All Good' but really the truth of the matter is that you are NOT OK.

I decided that today I would open up and share...

As I write this in my head are self limiting thoughts about being a failure...

I am currently unwell (throat/ear/chest/lung infection which has triggered acute asthma) and as a result of having to 'rest' I 

have let so many people down this week and I really dislike doing that as it then opens up more concerns about running a successful business and so on.

Lately I also feel like I am constantly chasing my tail with regards to my health and fitness journey. 

Despite putting on a brave face and just pushing through, my injuries (knee, shoulder/back) are so goddamn f*#&ing frustrating to me. It feels like its always one thing after another and it is really taking its toll.

The other thing that really gets to me is that I can quit smoking just by saying that's its I'm doing it.....why can't I find the same resolve with my food? I know I am scared of going down a destructive path of anorexia/bulimia again and balance is something that I am yet to master but I quite often feel like such a hypocrite and that's not something I pride myself upon.

Anyway I just thought I would share a few things, if I kept going I could fill a journal today but all in all it could be worse. 

Despite sharing this please know that I am not depressed or in a negative head place I just simply wanted to open up and say that regardless of my smile and positive outlook in life someday's I'm not OK and could really just do with venting. 

I am one of the lucky ones who can find solace in meditation and positive affirmations and am also blessed to have an awesome group of friends and family and for that I am truly thankful.

Thank you for taking the time to read. I hope you are ok?  

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