A Rant...

I am really really freaking annoyed at the fact that so many people that I know who have lapbands  and have had awesome results are now back into triple figures because their bands have stuffed up. 

OK I get that the reason for getting the band in the first place is because we couldn't do it on our own but some of these people that I am annoyed with have gone on to become Personal Trainers and so have learnt the tools they need to make a difference and yet instead of making the change they are whinging and making pathetic excuses. 

Seriously, quit sooking that your 'band is broken', stop shoving shit into your mouth and get up off your arse and move it.

I get that its hard...I have had my band stuff up (mostly from my own actions) and also suffered (suffering) depression BUT I chose to change my life, I chose to be healthy and I chose to not make excuses.

Now before you say oh but your band isn't broken blah blah blah....No, its not but it is also not doing all the work for me, I have learnt that you can't rely on the band to do it all you have to help it along by exercising and eating right!

With or without the band its a choice that you make....you either do it or you don't and if you don't then you stay FAT - simple! 

Don't get me wrong, I am far from perfect, I have days when I am lazy, I have days when I choose to just mope around feeling sorry for myself, I have days when I eat crap....BUT it is NOT everyday, I don't allow it to be my reality.  You choose who, what and where you want to be.....if you don't like something then CHANGE IT!! 

Only YOU can make it happen!! The question is....how badly do you want it? 

When my first band stuffed up I went off the rails in a big way and put on a stack of weight and even now I am 10kg from my goal of a healthy BMI (due to going off the rails WITH a working band - its easy to cheat) and yes it SUCKS, and yes it gets me down BUT rather than allow it to consume me I choose to STOP it before it got out of control!  I don't want to get any bigger than I am, I don't want to be that fat person again and so I have promised myself that it wont happen and it wont!

Do you want to be Fat?  Do you want that huge bowl of pasta more than a healthy weight? Is that block of chocolate worth going up a dress size for? Do you want to be the one everyone looks at with pitty?

I do not mean to offend anyone with this post and if I have then there is obviously some truth in what I have said for it to have made an impact or else you wouldn't have given it a second thought.

I can remember a time when I would of been offended and hurt but still continued to make excuses rather than listen to what was being said because it was too hard.  But isn't it hard enough living with self hate and disgust everyday?  I much prefer the path of Healthy Nutrition and Exercise and yes somedays it is bloody hard but I can now look in the mirror and say "Yeah, you're alright".  Can you?

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Day 7, Week 4..SUNDAY

So as you know from the last post I have been feeling rather BLAH the past couple of weeks and as a result have been emotional eating and then feeling quilty because of it and so then of course eating my guilt....you know what I'm saying  - that vicious cycle of self sabbotage!

Anyway, I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and she said to me "Why don't you just allow yourself to feel this way and accept that feeding the soul is part of that experience"...WELL talk about a light bulb moment! 

So long story short I have done just that.  I have allowed myself to feel the way I have been feeling without feeling guilty for it.  Why do I have to be so positive and cheery all the time?  Why can't I have a shitty week and admitt that yes its a shitty week?  Why can't I eat foods that make me feel warm and comforted?  Why can't I take a week off Gym ifI need to? 

I CAN!!!!!!!!!!! and I can do it WITHOUT the GUILT!

And now here I am....warts and all but comfortable with that fact!

So whilst I am not feeling 100%  I am feeling more postive about turning this situation around and heading back to the land of positive change and empowerment!  I won't lie to you, I am exhausted and stressed but its my own fault because I am so particular about stuff and also because I continue to take on more and more because the more I do the more important and fulfilled I feel......Is that why??  Could I feel like that without doing anything?

Hmmmm,  I think that I will leave the rest for another blog as that has just opened another can of worms entirely and I could delete it but I have decided not too as its obviously an important part of this process, but for now it can just wait!

Ok anyway there are postive steps being taken!!

So on another note, this week I have had a couple of Gigs and I just want to say that MUSIC has been my saving grace - it has been the one thing that has lifted my spirits each and everytime.  I LOVE performing, I LOVE writing, I LOVE singing.

I was rehearsing the other night and out of the blue I realised how totally blessed am I to be able to do what I do! What a gift it is to be able to sing and play guitar and express myself in song.  I LOVE that MUSIC is part of who I am! =)

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Day 2, Week 4 - Melbourne Cup Day

An update which is unfortunately not a positive one...

I quite often hold off on posting blogs like this one because as I have mentioned previously I 'try' to always be positive but today I decided too bad - I am human and that means I too have days where I just feel like shit and today I am going to admitt it rather than try to hide it - I FEEL LIKE SHIT!! 

I have no motivation to do anything (its 10:30am and I am still in bed), my house looks like a bomb has hit it, I have washing piled up and I just simply can't be stuffed doing any of it!  I just want to stay here under the covers and hide away!

This feeling started last week, Week 3 which I have to sadly say was a complete write off as yes I did succumb to the pressure of emotional/comfort eating which has only made me feel like a big fat lump of poo and I have a pimple to show for it - which is a rare occurance!

Even my tummy was against me last week and was so bloated that I looked pregnant!! I mean come on, I didnt even look pregnant when I was bloody pregnant....oh well the joys of being female, thank goddness its finally gone down now that my moontime has arrived - late as usual!

*Sigh*, On top of feeling like this my boys have been sick, especially little Jazz who has even had me up at all hours of the morning making a mad dash to the emergency department - Asthma SUCKS!  So lack of sleep has not been helpful and yes its showing - I look like crap!

Anyway, I plan on turning this feeling around as much as possible today by firstly getting up out of this bed and cleaning my house, doing my washing, going shopping, getting my self organised for the remainder of the week ahead and then study and life! 

I am feeling so bombarded with everything at the moment, I can't believe that its nearly the end of the year.  I am so far behing on my school work its not funny (life takes over - I now have 10 clients on top of my job at the paper which has also increased in hours and ofcourse family and friends too) and I want to finish by the end of the year so that means I cannot afford to be a slack arse like I am right now!  School has been really good and are putting on intensive module workshops everyday over November/December so that people who are behind can catch up but that means I need to shuffle my life around so that my mornings are free.

I don't mean to complain about it because its great that business is good its just tough juggling it all, adnd yes its what I choose to do but sometimes I wish I could just pick 1 thing to focus on and stick to it.  Photography/Journalism, Music, PT, Massage, Nutrition.  I know, I know it won't happen - I'm too passionate about all of them and as a friend of mine said to me a couple of weeks ago - I'm not someone who is just one thing, I'm all of them, they are all me.

PAUSE....

I just got a phone call from Jimi the Music Man to do some Jammin' with him, what an awesome opportunity - OK this is the motivation I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and get my life in order!!  Time to get out of bed.

Thanks for listening to me ramble! xox

Read more "Day 2, Week 4 - Melbourne Cup Day"