I think its safe to say that 2020 will go down in the history books as the unforgettable year of social change. The year that forced us all to adapt to a new 'pandemic' reality; touching all of us in unique ways - lockdown/isolation, restrictions, social distancing, remote learning, telehealth appointments, mandatory mask wearing, over usage of hand sanitiser, travel bans/border closures, a divided state, and panic buying to name a few.
Whilst many things about 2020 were downright shitty both on a personal (it has been the year of plumbing issues for us) and global level (not at all an ideal time for a loo paper shortage), there were many positives to focus upon. The biggest of those for me personally is the shift to a lower gear. Whilst many found the hiatus difficult to navigate, I was thankful that I was ground to a halt. In facing my own set of challenges which at times felt like they came hard and fast, one after the other (random hospitalisation, myriad of medical tests, mastectomy/reconstruction, triple infection, wound opening, rehospitalisation, further surgeries, severe pain, recovery process, Mark hospitalised, pneumonia, abnormal cervical scan, hysterectomy, premature menopause, anemia, and drug detox to name a few) the change of pace allowed time for guilt free much needed rest, recovery, and quality time with my family including our new kitties; the best medicine ever!
I sit here reflecting on the 365 days that have past, feeling a little gobsmacked and relieved; there is certainly no denying it/I was a hot mess, but I got through - we all did!
I have to say that like so many, I am looking forward to closing the book on 2020, and starting 2021 on a blank page and a whole new chapter. As I have said before though, I hold no false hope that everything will magically become 'perfect and covid-19 free' at the striking of the clock at midnight. Life will simply be what it is, until it is something else, and hopefully just as we have already successfully done, we will all continue to put one foot in front of the other to get through the other side!
If this year has taught me anything at all, it is to be genuinely grateful for the smallest of blessings, and to always have hope in a better tomorrow. As the saying goes, what lies ahead is far greater than anything we leave behind, and with a positive mind and an open heart anything is possible!
Whilst my amazing three boys are my pillars of strength, I honestly don’t think I would have gotten through this year as unscathed if it were not for the weekly zoom chats, social media interaction, texts/calls, random goodie drops and the treasured catchups with family and friends that were actually possible. Thank you all for helping me through the shit storm of 2020!
And now for my traditional closing...
Whatever 2021 may have in store, I am praying for it to be filled with an abundance of love, light, and peace for us all!
LOVE that is unconditional and unlimited!
LIGHT that makes the shadows disappear and guides our way!
PEACE of mind that brings a stillness to the soul!
How blessed I am to see the end of another year and welcome in a new one!
Hey there, been a while! Can you believe that this friday (13/11) it will be six whole weeks since my hysterectomy? Six (plus) weeks of being a mega hot mess!
Remember how in an earlier post I mentioned that my haemaglobin levels were up the creek, and I needed to visit GP to figure out what to do next?
Well, on Friday 9th October I did indeed go to GP and had bloods taken...
Then, on Monday 12th October my GP called and said that I didn't need a blood transfusion as my haemoglobin level was steady at 85.
My iron level on the other hand, was so low it was not even registering (yes, despite supplements). Given this, an urgent request for an iron transfusion to be done at the BM hospital was sent.
Still smiling despite feeling like crap!
On Tuesday 13th October, despite my GPs pleas, the BM hospital could not do the infusion for me as I didn't fit the changed covid times eligibility (by 5 freaking points; need to be 80 or under); remembering the hospital administration is in Melton (metro).
Anywho, it was a good thing I was at the docs when they called as even though she couldn't get me on the list, she could fax a new urgent referral to Ballarat.
Another day, another medical waiting room.
Here we were all hopeful they would get me in the following week..., um nup - the urgent wait list was weeks long. Sigh, patience is not my strongest attribute!!!
Whilst waiting ever so 'impatiently' I spent my time resting, resting, oh and yep, resting! Yes, yes, I know that is exactly what I needed to help with recovery!
Mind numbing rest!
In all honesty though, if I could have gotten up without feeling like crappola, I would have. But almost non existent iron levels equals very little oxygen to blood, which equals fatigue, and dizziness, and nausea, and general blahness!
Thank goodness for netflix, social media and my fur babies is all I can say!
Anyway there I was resting away when BAM, massive toothache! So on Thursday 22nd October, I visited the dentist next door. 45 minutes and $350.00 later my tooth was extracted OUCH!
Anywho, the tooth pain finally settled and things were going okay...well as okay as can be considering iron levels blah blah. Then on the morning of Saturday 7th November I woke up to the room spinning at warp speed. Fast forward to Sunday 8th where I ended up in the BM ER diagnosed with Vertigo...eeewwww so sick!
After getting it somewhat under control (another pill to add to my collection FARK ME, thank goodness for probiotics), home I went!
The next day Monday 9th November I had to go into the Woman's hospital to see my breast surgeon.
All is okay and I'm on track for next breast op (liposuction/sculpting/grafting/scar reduction) within the next six months.
And here we are, finally iron infusion day - Tuesday 10th November. Considering I have been looking forward to this day for 4 weeks (longer really) I was ultra bloody nervous; once candula was in I settled down though!
Oooh I forgot to mention that on Tuesday 27th October I had my final Psych appointment with Leah, whereby she revealed that she had nicknamed me 'Trooper'. Have to admit, after writing this, (and thinking back on my year) I think its quite fitting!
Well thats that, now I wait a week or two for the iron to kick in. Have to get bloods taken again around 6-12 weeks and go from there.
I do have to say though, as much as I am still not fully pain free and back on my feet from the hysterectomy, I am hoping that my lapband operation (unflip port and take out fluid) happens sooner rather than later *fingers crossed*..., as I am so sick of spewing after every meal. LOL, that is a turn up for the books coming from the (ex)bullimic huh!
OK thats enough for now, thanks for checking in, LLP Me aka Trooper Tash, not to be mistaken for Tripper hehehe xo
As covid-19 case numbers are low here in regional Victoria, it was declared by those in power, that all kids are to go back to onsite learning.
Today is their first day...
Have to be real with you here, as much as it means I get to have a proper rest, Mark can maybe get stuff done, and the boys get to see their mates, "we" aren't really all that excited about it. Alas, off they went, but there were no happy dances here!
Thankfully the masks hide their distain! Mind you, wearing them all day is not at all appealing, despite being a neccesity for safety.
I know I haven't been working due to having the ops and then the recovery process, but given the whole covid stuff, I would of stopped work anyway to make the boys my priority...I've always said they come first! Therefore, their safety is paramount, and if that means keeping them home and us having to do the schooling, well it is totally worth the lack of rest or work not getting done.
In saying that, it is possible that part of our lack of joy jumping is due to fear. Whilst I don't feel it is totally unwarranted, we currently have no active cases here in regional Vic, so that is a positive and eases the anxiousness. If there were active cases here in Bacchus Marsh we would have certainly reconsidered sending them. Actually, should circumstances change, they'll get their wish and be staying home again. As much as we loved having them home, heres hoping that doesn't happen hey!
And there's another reason we aren't all that thrilled about school returning; we have enjoyed our family time together at home. Not to say we have lived in each others pockets, no siree, we each like our own space and company too much for that. But, the times we've all been together has been special; whether it be schooling, walks, movies and snuggles, or just chit chatting about this, that, and the other.
Whilst I like being involved in their education and knowing exactly what they are learning, it has admittedly been more so when we have not been homeschooling. As I've said before, patience isn't my strongest attribute and Ace tends to procrastinate and give up before actually trying; a pet peeve of mine (I have a long list of those...a whole other blog)!
In saying that though, there were days that were absolute gems, where all the praise and encouragement saw them rise above all challenges. My favourite part of all is watching them put head down and bum up and having those aha moments when they 'get it' and are then filled with a tremendous sense of empowerment, which inspires them to do more.
Yet again time has flown and it is now Monday 19th October and the 2nd week of onsite learning for term 4.
The first week went well, although truth be told, from Wednesday they both asked each day to stay home. It took all my strength to be strong and say no! But as much as I would love them home, school is important for them. Also, rest is important for me (there will be a blog coming about that soon) And, I need Marky to get some shit done out in my poor neglected garden!
So with all that in mind, I am going to continue to be strong and deny the requests to stay home and snuggle with Mama. And Mama is going to try really hard not to mope, but instead embrace the time to rest and recouperate!
If you have been paying attention, then you will know that I was going under the knife again for a total hysterecomy with bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy (removal of uterus, cervix, ovaries and fallopian tubes).
Friday 2nd October
PRE-OP
Up at 6.05am and straight into the shower.
Despite taking the time out a couple of days ago (and struggling to do so, I forgot how taxing it was on the arms), I straightened my hair thinking it would be easier to manage when in hospital.
I quickly discovered otherwise - thanks to the boys taunting yesterday morning; 'cock-atoo' head I believe they called me! It turns out that straight hair means brushing to look neat. Whereas, curly just looks the same brushed or not; a jumbled mess. Oh, that was my long winded way of stating that I washed my hair LOL!
At 6.25am, I kissed my boys goodbye (Jazz pulled yet another all nighter...we need to get him back into school routine ASAP. Mind you, he stayed up specifically so he wouldn't miss saying goodbye...naww sweet boy!), wheeled my suitcase out to the car, and at 6.35am we were pulling out the driveway and on the way!
We arrived at Ballarat Base Hospital with plenty enough time to stop briefly and admire the beauty of nature...
And, to say our goodbyes at the door.
Mark struggled not being allowed to come inside with me whereas, I simply went into 'it is what it is' mode! Admittedly, nerves were high!
- Temperature check, and standard Covid-19 questions ✔
- Front desk check-in, and sticker stuck ✔
- Admission granted... I arrived and checked in at the 1st Floor DPU spot on 7.30am ✔
- Admission paperwork with nurse ✔
- Anesthesia doctor check-in ✔
- Sexy surgery outfit provided ✔
- Waiting, waiting, more waitIng ✔
I was finally called and we made what felt like a bloody long walk into the pre-surgery room. Here they popped a bung in my hand and gave me an lovely injection..."equivalent to one and a half glasses of wine"...bye bye nervousness!
The last time I remember looking at the clock it was 8.50am. Not long after that I was in the operating room being shuffled from one bed to another and breathing in a special sleepy time gas!
While I was on the chopping block, Mark was keeping busy, and keeping everyone updated...
POST-OP
When Mark came in to see me after the op, all I remember is feeling FREEZING. Thankfully, my sweet man brought me my R4L blankie and put his beanie on me 'kinda'.
Pic taken at 3.24pm.
Eyes open - 3.59pm
Yay...food and a cuppa!
Hmmm the pic says it all!
Two hours goes really fast, and time was up and he had to leave in what felt like a blink of an eye!
And ofcourse the process wouldn't be complete without Markys facebook update, so here it is!
Update #1
2/10/20
(No cuppa necessary...unless of course you feel like a cuppa; in which case, go make yourself said cuppa and then sit back and enjoy a bit of that cuppa, as you read my rantings and ravings.....not that I actually rant and rave...CRAP!! **spoiler alert** Actually, should I put that asterixed "**spoiler alert **" at the beginning? Hmmm...not sure.
Actually, having looked at this post and the advice that a cuppa ISN'T necessary; I would ACTUALLY recommend a cuppa !! And I kinda HAVE raved on. But, I haven't ranted, as I feel ranting requires a sense of anger; and I'm not angry...just long winded sometimes)
Welcome back to medical madness! Your faithful reporter Mark here, coming to you from the empty confines of our lil love-nest...☹
It is with great joy that I can report that my dear, darling Denigirl has pulled through her hysterectomy with bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy (Removal of cervix, uterus, both fallopian tubes and ovaries) without any major issues...thus far. 😊
My gorgeous Angel is indeed flying high tonight, with many thanks to the inventor of Endone (tm, pty ltd, et al)!!
Before being permitted to exit stage right, we need to wait to see if ALL nasties were cut out and have a meaningful discussion with the pros!😁
Anywho, I'm knackered...been an exhausting day...both physically and mentally.
Toodle-pip!!😊❤
Saturday 3rd October
Good morning...despite very little sleep I'm doing okay!
I had to call the Doc in during the night as I was itching like a mad woman, and stressing that they accidentally gave me penicillin. Nope, turns out it was just because they used a woollen type kylie and still had the surgical plastic on me like WTAF eewww!
On top of that, the poor lady across from me had 'another' heart attack, and so there were people running from all directions and beeping galore.
Also, being woken every hour for observations makes it hard to sleep.
During this mornings rounds my Gynocology surgeon and team confirmed that they found a cyst on my left ovary. We believe this is the reason I ended up in hospital on Aceys birthday, even though the CT scans and internal ultrasounds didn't find it. Oh, and surprise surprise, its (rare) symptoms are some of the problems I've been having like; severe lower back pain, irregular bowel motions, heavy abnormal periods, and bleeding during sex.
Also, on Wednesday last week I got a call from my GP to tell me that my papsmear results weren't good. This was confirmed during the operation. Since my burn and scrape operation last year the pre-cancerous squamous cells have regrown and changed into cancerous cells. HPV was also detected.
Anyway..., they assured me that they successfully removed EVERYTHING!
Given family history, they also went up into the bladder to check for abnormalities. Thankfully it is all clear!
At this moment, there is no need for systemic treatment (e.g chemotherapy, radiation) as it was caught early and now it is all gone - thank f#^% for that!!!
I have an appointment to discuss things in more depth in 6 weeks time. Things such as; whether I need ongoing vaginal smears, whether they/I/we want a PET/Bone scan.
Because they did the op laprascopically (only 4 little incisions) they took everything out via the vagina. But, because I'm 'little' (sorry to those who find it TMI) they had to cut and stitch (dissolvable); let me just say "burnies".
My cathetar was taken out this morning, I had a lovely shower, and bloods were taken (oh another thing to discuss is menopause parameters. I will be taking herbal route before even contemplating pharmaceutical Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), if at all)! They are measuring my wees today and then doing an ultra sound of my bladder to check I'm voiding ok.
If all is good, it is looking like home either late today or tomorrow...
I am hoping for today, as I know I will actually sleep at home! Something you may not know about me, is that I have a phobia about people standing over me, watching me sleep. So yeah, being in a room full of strangers, with nurses coming in and out constantly equals NO SLEEP!
Okay, this is your favorite medical reporter Mark, coming to you from the bedside of my beautiful bride.
I've gotta keep things real. That's just how I roll...So, despite feeling so very blessed 🙏 (yeah, yeah... I know. Technically its a high five and not prayer hands, sue me! 😁), Im still finding it hard to get my head round a few things 🥺 so I'm gunna just yak. Been told I've got the gift of the gab!!
So the Gynocology surgeon and team confirmed that they've successfully removed all the nasty bits 🙌! My darling Denigirl has an appointment to have a yarn about "things" with the head honcho in 6 weeks time 🤔.
Despite not having a great sleep due to various reasons but mostly an itchy kylie...my beautiful bride is feeling hunky dory 😁..... so much so infact, that Imma toss her over ma shoulder and take her home. Home is the best place for her to get proper rest and I can be there at her beck and call...besides, it gives me a genuine excuse to wear my skimpy nurses' outfit!! 👨⚕️
Sunday4th October
Photo taken at 6.21pm 2/10/20
Here's Markys update for today which covers everything nicely.
Update3
4/10/20
Yup...it's me again! Hopefully, this will be my final update for a while!
So, the girl has been given the green light to come home...but with conditions!
Haemaglobin levels are quite low (around 85 but should be 120), so first condition is that we need to take supplements. Next, we need to visit our G.P. to check that the levels have actually increased. If they haven't increased, then we'll need a blood transfusion.
All in all , she's not doing too bad. A bit lethargic, a little dizzy, tummy a little distended, but better at home than she was in hospital. She actually got some half decent sleep!
Anywho, better boot off...m'lady desires a cuppa...aaand I DID promise to be at her beck and call. What IS a beck? I know someone can beckon...is that what it means...she becks and I call. Or is it she becks AND calls? Dang! I've done it again...prattling away!!
See ya's!
Well, that's its folks. I am pretty drugged up and ultra tired so I am gonna love you and leave you.
I will finish by saying this...even though I am ultra blessed, smile on cue, push through the pain to get stuff done, and say I am doing okay...I am ultra freaking weary and have moments where I feel fragile....so, if I disappear for a while, please come find me as I may need your help to pull me put of the darkness, and sometimes even my pride prevents me from crying out.
If you made it all the way to the end of this post, you rock!
Thanks heaps for your support, friendship and love xo
If you read my last post you would know that due to my upcoming operation (THIS FRIDAY), I was um'ming and arh'ring over whether to stay enrolled in my two subjects and just do what I can do, when I can do it. Or, to withdraw from the subjects and just pay the price (both literally and figuratively) given it was post census!
To say that I agonized over the decision is an understatement; limbo is really not a good place for me mentally!
After seeking advice, deliberating more, getting more confused, spending a couple of days in bed unable to function due to indecision, I finally made a choice and WITHDREW FROM SUBJECTS!
I'm not going to deny that I am absolutely bummed about the "fail", and worried about how it will affect my overall grade point average, BUT I still believe that given my track record with recovery I've made the right choice.
As I have letters from my GP stating it be in my best interest to drop out, I plan on applying for 'special consideration' to get a refund (approx $3000). Maybe if thats approved, they may wipe the WF also?!? Wishful thinking perhaps, but doesn't cost anything to hope!
So there was a little bit of a jump between my 'Dam good day' on August 20th to 'Fathers Day 2020' on September 6th, and today is September the 18th so I thought I would quickly fill in the gaps.
Now let me see...
Remote Learning...
Our weekdays have been spent mostly doing remote learning with the boys.
Depite the funny face, and the fingers up in the background (cheeky shits), there has really only been one or two days that can be put in the 'this sucks balls' basket.
Even though we haven't been working to proper school time schedule, nor following the time table of subjects as they would be doing at school, the boys have managed to 'pretty much' stay on top of their work. I actually believe that during this time they have probably achieved and learnt more than they would have at school; Ace more so than Jazz as he doesn't get the one on one, someone sitting beside him the whole day helping and encouraging (like Mark and I have done), support at school.
Today is the last day of term 3 (18/9/20)...let the two weeks of school holidays begin!
As the restrictions have eased for Covid-19 in the regional areas, they are due to go back to onsite learning for Term 4 (date to be confirmed). You would think we would all be jumping for joy hey, but no! Although they miss their friends and crave the social aspect, both the boys would quite happily do another term of remote learning. Us too, although them going back to school will give me more study time! If it wasn't for the fact that Ace will be doing VCAL next year, we would have seriously contemplated moving into homeschooling. Oh well, at least having the remote learning aspect, we can say we did it, and loved it!
Uni Study...
I take Tuesdays off from being a 'teacher', to be a 'student'.
My day looks a bit like this - minus the boring household chores, eating and elimination stuff!
Hahaha despite THAT face, I actually really enjoy the whole day.
I'm loving the subjects, and foraging (wildcrafting) in my own garden is ultra awesome! Do you like my fancy plant pressing setup LOL!?!
I will be honest with you, it is full on!!! I am trying really hard not to stress over it, but...
Stuff all really...
So, other than those two things, plus the normal day to day stuff like household chores, physio exercises and the odd walk out in nature (the last two are ones which I need to ensure happens more often, I've been a bit slack), as we have been in lockdown due to the Covid-19 restrictions there really isn't a great deal to share, as we've done stuff all really!
New Specks...
On August 26th, Ace and I went and got our eyes checked. Wasn't that an interesting experience when wearing a mask that fogs up the optometry lenses - FAK!
Ace didn't require a prescription just yet but I did, and so on the 3rd of September I picked up my new 'reading only' specks!
Ace picked them out for me :) Not fancy CK's or anything but for $45.00 (throught the VAS), I'm not complaining!
Over did it...
So after spending the day before fathers day, and also fathers day out in the garden (c'mon the weather was absolutely glorious), on Monday 7th September, I ended up paying for it!
When the f@&% will I learn that just because I can doesn't mean I should! Actually, I think the pain I felt was the icing on the cake.
Needless to say that the other half of the backyard and the front yard remains looking shabby!
Food glorious food...
I ended up getting another box of both Hello Fresh and Dinnerly so dinners have been one less thing for us to think about. As per last time, Hello Fresh wins hands down for taste.
Pictured below is pork tacos with pickled onion and crushed peanuts.
Dinnerly however, is much more affordable...this time around the meals have been a little nicer.
Picture below is Haloumi San Choy Bay with crushed cashews.
I love that Mark and the boys have been working together on Tuesday nights to make dinner!
What else...
Like I said earlier there really isn't a great deal to share. Oh wait...so as of yesterday (17/9/20) regional victoria moved steps on the road out and so that means we are now free to leave home 'just because'. It also means that elective surgery reopened AND...
Hospital booked...
As I was category 2 (within 90 days), I was one of the first to be offered a spot, which is - Friday 2nd October. Yep, in two weeks time, 15 days I will be having a Hysterecomy with bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy! Goodbye cervical cancer cells!
What was I saying before about trying not to stress about uni stuff...eeeekkk, maybe I should drop out before concensus, BUT I have already done so much it just seems like a waste of time. I might just get the doc to fill in some forms so I can get an extension...that should work? Hmmmm, I will think it over! They said I should expect to be in hospital for about 4 days. Which means that if the boys do go back to school for start of term 4 on the 5th October I won't be home. And if they do a staggered start and they don't go back straight away I wont be able to do remote learning with them...so many thought racing in my head. It's okay, I will sort it all out!
Anyway, depite all the racing thoughts I'm glad it is happening sooner rather than later. Not only because of the trouble I've been having but also because it means that I can rest and recover and get back on my feet enough to be okay for the next foob op, which should be at the end of the year or early 2021. Oh, and hopefully in between the two, the lapband operation can happen.
So much for getting back to work anytime soon though. Not that I'm ultra keen to be in such close proximity with people with the whole covid-19 thing. Money would be good though...
Covid-19...
Well since its been mentioned a few times I thought I would share a bit more about it.
I personally have really enjoyed the lockdown phase! I love how the world has slowed down allowing me to catch my breath and just take time to get back on my feet.
Vader reminding me to take time to smell the roses...camillias!
And Simba reminding me to take time to bask in the glory of the sunlight!
It has also given us a heap of quality family time together, which is always a blessing.
The worst part for us has been not physically being able to see those we love...family, friends!
Actually, because metro is still in lockdown I still can't visit Mum!
Funniest thing though, I sent her a message today saying "I miss you". Her response, "Why? I'm not dead"!
Hahahaha trust her to put it into perspective!
She's right though, we talk every night on the phone, text throughtout the day and have a family video call once a week. How blessed we are to have modern technology...imagine if we were in lockdown without that stuff - now 'that' would be hard!
Anyway, I think that's it...so much for a quick gap filling post LOL!
I will leave you with another pic of my furbabies.
Look how much they have grown! WOW!
I will try and pop up another post before heading into hospital, and ofcourse will keep you updated also. Thanks heaps for reading my ramblings all the way to the end.
