End of Scripture Writing Plan for September...

And just like that a month has passed...

I have to say that I did actually enjoy the readings that I did this month.  I also found them a little confusing and frustrating at times, but I think that is OK as it made me question things more.

Have I completely changed my beliefs? No...I think that will take a bit more than a few chapters and psalms.  However, I am more open to the concept of God (as written in the bible) than I was before and I have been able to relate quite a few things to my own life. I do however still think that a lot of what was covered was very similar to the beliefs I already held, just worded differently.

I have decided that I am not going to do a dedicated plan for October BUT I have inspired Mark to do one, so I will be getting him to read to me each day and we will no doubt have a discussion about it, just like we did with the ones this past month!  I might even blog about it if I get the time to do so, or if its something that I feel worthy of sharing.

I have noticed that I have become more verbal in my communication with God, although lately it has been to tell him that I really do not understand why things are happening the way they are happening and that I would really appreciate being able to see what it is I am supposed to be seeing.  I don't know whether its been my communication or the fact that I have been doing some 'self' help stuff with my quote reflection but I have found my 'attitude' has shifted somewhat...not completely but things aren't getting to me the way they did.  I still don't understand why things have happened the way they have though LOL.

I have also been more vigilant in being thankful for all the positives in my life, truly acknowledging and appreciating them.

Well, that's it for now.  Thanks heaps for following this blog and for taking the time to read my ramblings, for that I am truly thankful ;) xo

Read more "End of Scripture Writing Plan for September..."

Scripture Writing Plan - Day 30

Day 30 - 1 Thessalonians 5: 19 - 24

19.  Quench not the Spirit.

20.  Despise not prophesyings.

21.  Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.

22.  Abstain from all appearance of evil.

23.  And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

24.  Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it.

My Interpretation...

So this is basically saying not to ignore the Holy Spirit.

To not disregard that which is written in the bible and therefore to use the bible as a guide for things that are good.

To keep yourself above reproach from all that goes against that 'good'.

Living by God's words will set you apart from others.

God will be with you through life as long as you are faithful to him.  

Read more "Scripture Writing Plan - Day 30"

Scripture Writing Plan - Days 24 to 29

Day 24, 25, 26, 27, 28 and 29 - Matthew 7: 1 - 29

1.  Judge not, that ye be not judged.

2.  For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

3.  And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

4.  Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?

5.  Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.

6.  Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.

7.  Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:

8.  For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

9.  Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?

10.  Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?

11.  If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?

12.  Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.

13.  Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat:

14.  Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.

15.  Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.

16.  Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?

17.  Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.

18.  A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.

19.  Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.

20.  Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.

21.  Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.

22.  Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?

23.  And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

24.  Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:

25.  And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.

26.  And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand:

27.  And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.

28.  And it came to pass, when Jesus had ended these sayings, the people were astonished at his doctrine:

29.  For he taught them as one having authority, and not as the scribes.

My Interpretation...

This chapter is a sermon from Jesus. This teaching was astonishing to those who did not see him as a man of authority.

I don't think it is saying that we should never judge, but more that we should not judge based upon prejudiced information which is unfavorable or condemnatory. Also, we should not use ourselves as a 'standard' upon which to base our judgement as the ultimate judgement of all comes from God.

Do not give attention to those who do not walk the talk or follow Gods work but be loyal to God through prayer. 

God promises to answer all genuine prayer. Everything we need for spiritual success has been promised to us. God leaves us no excuse for failure.

The Golden Rule of Christianity is 'to do unto others as you wish done to you', so in other words treat people the way you wish to be treated. 

Stay true on your path of Christianity as it is easy to be swayed by the wide array of religious practices and those who proclaim to be of God but are not. You will recognize those who are not loyal to God by the impurity of their actions.

Not everyone who says they are a follower of God will enter Heaven, even though they may have done what they believe to be a good deed. It is a matter of devotion, of truly loving and living in Gods name - having a firm foundation, a relationship with God.

Read more "Scripture Writing Plan - Days 24 to 29"

Balance...

How Funny that the 'catch up' (I am 5 days behind eek) comes just when we reach THAT word...yes I am referring to BALANCE!

September 24 - Balance

'Just as nature needs balance, people need balance'.

'A human being is multidimensional. A human doing however is more like a drawn line than a faceted gem'.

So what exactly is a balanced life anyway?

Is it a life that has a even mix of work, rest and play? (Now I feel like a Mars Bar LOL). 

A balance of internal and external influences? 

Or is it more of feeling that you aren't being pulled more towards one element of your life than the other? and not necessarily about dedicating the exact same amount of portions of time to each?

I think that it varies for each individual.

For me personally I believe balance is about having harmony within and being free from the need to control or 'handle' anything in life - accepting everything 'just is'.  I think that if we balance the internal there will be nothing to handle on the outside as the external is just a reflection of the internal. 

And that right there...

Is the reason I find balance so hard to maintain as my 'external' over powers the 'internal'. 

I am working on it though and realising that 'things' don't have to be perfectly symmetrical or alphabetised in order for me to be able to 'breathe' and 'function' - I can still do that even if things aren't aesthetically perfect.  

The scheduling side of things however...what can I say, I thrive on routine!  Unfortunately though, lately life has been throwing curve balls at me that have pretty much turned my structure upside down...but again - I'm still alive!  Admittedly feeling a little frazzled, but nothing a little OCD cleaning and organisation frenzy won't fix.

Read more "Balance..."

Confusion / Doing it all...

September 23 - Confusion / Doing it all...

'When I bring myself to a situation, that is the best I have to offer'.

Today's meditation spoke of the confusion we face in having to be someone different for varying situations.  For instance; the skills we need to communicate in our working lives, do not serve a purpose when dealing with our children.  And the skills we need to communicate with our children are not helpful when dealing with our partners (although that could be debatable at times) and our friends.

We play so many roles in our day to day lives that some days it's confusing figuring out who we are without playing a role.

I think, we are the culmination of all of our roles - we just have to learn to adapt ourselves to each.  The confusion I believe comes from trying to separate 'ourselves' from them.  

We are all of our life experiences from one moment to the next.

Just 'role' with it but integrity is essential!

Read more "Confusion / Doing it all..."

Gardening News...

We haven't really had much time at all to get out in the garden this week but we did achieve the following...

Mum brought me some potted colour so I moved my 'rock art' in the garden bed along the back patio and planted them in there.  They look so pretty, what a shame they will die off completely because they are only annuals.

We finished the front section under the mulberry tree.  Looks so bare compared to the greenery of the weeds LOL.

The biggest achievement has been getting the bike shed and kids outside toys all organised.  We gave the boys the incentive of going to the movies to watch 'Secret Life Of Pets' if they helped us to get it done - amazing what a little incentive achieves.  The movie was very funny and we even went out and had a family dinner before hand - very special family time.

Anyway back to the bike shed...

We were ruthless and managed to cull a heap of bikes that were no longer needed - the boys are going to sell them in their 'garage sale' along with all the toys I got rid off when I cleaned out and moved their toy room.  Oh my was that a big job!  Mind you; I had to clean the sun room, move my office from the alcove to the sun room, dismantle the bunks that were no longer needed in the Toy room, sort through all the boxes of toys, dismantle the shelves, rebuild the shelves in the alcove and then move all the sorted boxes to the shelves AND the old toyroom became the perfect room for a craft room (until it becomes Hosanna's room anyway).  So worth it though, it was like a cleanse/purge process and now our home is feeling wonderful.  

Before / After

But enough about that this post is about our garden!

Mark is going to build us a proper bike rack to make it easier to get our bikes in and out.

The rest of the crap in the before photo was all stuff Mark pulled out from the back of the shed.  He is going to build a rack to put his timber on and we are getting rid of the car parts and some of the laser light we found.  Eventually he is going to build himself a lean too out the front of the shed.  Lot's of little projects on our to do list...now we just need time to do it.

And as I have said at the end of all my other garden posts...stay tuned for more garden updates!

Oh an additional little note:

I can't say that I love gardening, but I am finding the process very rewarding.  So much so, that maybe I am actually enjoying it.  Let's just hope my black thumb has turned green!

Read more "Gardening News..."

Confusion...

September 22 - Confusion...

Today's meditation basically spoke about us having way too many voices in our heads and it drowning out the sound of our own knowing.

Our confusion in life comes from trying to please others, rather than doing what feels right for us.

How amazing it would feel to live in a way that the opinions of others didn't matter, that only 'our own 'opinion was in our heads.

Unfortunately I think it is such an ingrained part of human nature that the voices will always be there , like the little good and evil cartoon character things LOL.

On a more serious note though, Mark and I have court AGAIN tomorrow - urgh!  We have so many thoughts running around in our heads about it all that some days the whole thing is just way too overwhelming and confusing to deal with.

I know that I will have to deal with these little guys on my shoulder tomorrow...the one of the left reminding me of Karma and The three fold law AND the one on the right telling me to be ruthless and go for blood.  I know which I would like to listen to, but unfortunately I also know which one will win.  Far out, sometimes I wish I was an evil cruel hearted bitch with no conscious just like the other party in this matter BUT alas, I'm not! 

Read more "Confusion..."

Meditation - September 19th to 22nd...

September 19 - Being Present To The Moment

'I rejoice in the moment of total oneness. For in that moment, I am truly myself both within and beyond.'

Reminder

The bird stops amidst the chaos

But it takes no notice of the hustle and bustle
In which the human race endures

Its attention focused only upon the sweet nectar

Which is before it

The beauty of nature

So often neglected

This was written on the 6th of Feb 2009 in the courtyard of an eclectic little cafe here in Bacchus Marsh called ‘Baby Black’.

How wonderful it is when we fully immerse ourselves in the NOW moment, completely surrendering to the magical moment that it is.  Experiencing a oneness with our Higher Power and the process of the universe.

So often, I find myself doing something but thinking about something else in the process and have to give myself a gentle reminder to 'BE PRESENT' to 'FOCUS ON THE NOW'. 

What a difference it makes to the task at hand when I do that.  Not only does it get my full undivided attention but I also find that I feel more at peace, still within. Even if it may feel arduous, mundane, trivial but I am thankful for it, thankful for the amazing opportunity to be experiencing it and living it at the moment in time.

September 20 - Control / Courage

'I always thought it true courage to suffer.  Now I see that just being alive is a special kind of bravery'.

This meditation spoke of having courage to let go of our need for control.

I struggle with this one A LOT but this year I have had to surrender to it and guess what...I'm still here, my world hasn't fallen down around me!

I have learn't that facing my feelings and not being strong and staying in control of the moment as scary as it can be at the time, isn't always a sign of weakness but in fact of true courage.   

September 21 - Clarity

'Clarity is the counterbalance of profound thoughts' - Luc de Clapiers

How often do you 'know' but not express for fear of not fitting in with society?  For being thought of as odd, or weird?

I know that I am guilty of doing this, of keeping my mouth shut so not to be questioned about 'how I knew'?  'where I heard it from?'...it's awkward to try and explain that it was just an internal knowing, a clarity of my own instinctual thoughts.

I believe all of us have a level of 'knowing', some are just more in touch with it than others.  Maybe they decided to shut it off for the reason mentioned above.

There was a time I allowed myself to be more open to my own 'clarity' but it got to much to deal with so I shut off the tap.  Recently though I have allowed it to once again flow and more often than not I express it, although only with those I know I can trust and that are open to it.

'My 'gut' is usually never wrong' - these are words that my close friends and family have heard me say quite often and more often than not, it's not.

Stop seeking the answers from outside of yourself and have faith in your own internal knowing and clarity...you know, and you know you know!

"If we are present in the moment, have the courage to let go of our need to control, clarity will be gained". - Natasha Hurst 2016

Read more "Meditation - September 19th to 22nd..."

Scripture Writing Plan - Days 18 to 23

Day 18, 19, 20, 21, 22 and 23 - Colossians 3: 1 - 25

1.  If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God.

2.  Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.

3.  For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.

4.  When Christ, who is our life, shall appear, then shall ye also appear with him in glory.

5.  Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry:

6.  For which things' sake the wrath of God cometh on the children of disobedience:

7.  In the which ye also walked some time, when ye lived in them.

8.  But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth.

9.  Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds;

10.  And have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him:

11.  Where there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcision nor uncircumcision, Barbarian, Scythian, bond nor free: but Christ is all, and in all.

12.  Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;

13.  Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

14.  And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.

15.  And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.

16.  Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.

17.  And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.

18.  Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

19.  Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

20.  Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.

21.  Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

22.  Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eye service, as men pleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God;

23.  And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;

24.  Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.

25.  But he that doeth wrong shall receive for the wrong which he hath done: and there is no respect of persons.

My Interpretation

If we choose to release our old unfaithful sinner selves and be born again as Jesus was, who is now God's 'right hand man', we should put our affections in God and not in trivial meaningless pursuits.  

To be Godly in our behaviours and not act as we may have done in the past as that life is now dead to us.  

That if we surrender to God, when the day comes that Jesus once again walks among us we too will be reborn to walk alongside him - Like a Christian Zombie Apocolypse!

To not associate with those who live against God's laws (as you too lived before); for they will face the wrath of God and not be recognized when time comes for them to stand before him.  

To completely surrender yourself to God, living and abiding by the rules that pleases God.

To surround ourselves with those who have faith in God without discrimination and to form a mass consciousness of belief through song, prayer, thought and deed.

To forgive those who have also been born again of their past mistakes, as God has forgiven them.

To give thanks and praise to God in all that we do, loving ourselves as he loves us.

To be a family on a united front being loving and faithful to each other.

Obviously this was written in a time when slaves where common and it was telling them to obey their master in the same way as if they do God.  If we think of it as us working, basically it is about working to please God and not our boss, that our reward for hard work will be acknowledged and rewarded by God.

The last line is a reminder that there is no discrimination when it comes to Gods judgment.  If you do wrong and break laws then there will be consequences for actions regardless of your societal stature.

Read more "Scripture Writing Plan - Days 18 to 23"

Scripture Writing Plan - Day 15, 16, 17

I'm a little behind in posting but I have actually been reading the verses each day...

Day 15 - 2 Timothy 1: 6 - 8

6. Wherefore I put thee in remembrance that thou stir up the gift of God, which is in thee by the putting on of my hands.

7. For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

8. Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me his prisoner: but be thou partaker of the afflictions of the gospel according to the power of God;

Day 16 - 2 Timothy 1: 9 - 11

9. Who hath saved us, and called us with an holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began,

10. But is now made manifest by the appearing of our Saviour Jesus Christ, who hath abolished death, and hath brought life and immortality to light through the gospel:

11. Where unto I am appointed a preacher, and an apostle, and a teacher of the Gentiles.

Day 17 - 2 Timothy 1: 12 - 14

12. For the which cause I also suffer these things: nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day.

13. Hold fast the form of sound words, which thou hast heard of me, in faith and love which is in Christ Jesus.

14. That good thing which was committed unto thee keep by the Holy Ghost which dwelleth in us.

My Interpretation 

So again I needed to read the previous verses and do a little research to know what this chapter was all about.

This is the second letter written by Paul (an apostle of Jesus Christ, a messenger of God) to his dear friend and helper Timothy. Timothy, his mother and also his grandmother believed in the gospel of Christ and became Christians upon meeting Paul. After hearing good things about Timothy, Paul asked him to join his team, which Timothy did and he was appointed to lead a church of his own.

At the time of writing this letter Paul was imprisoned for his beliefs.

Anyway that's enough of a history lesson...here's my interpretation.

Paul is telling Timothy not to give up on his Christian life.  He is urging him to be strong in what he believes in and to continue to preach the Gospel, as like a harvest that is planted his hard work will pay off and he shall be rewarded. He is seeking him to ask for Gods guidance so he can understand what must be done.

Paul is reminding him of his saviour Jesus and his suffering to pay for his sins. He is telling Timothy he too may need to suffer for Christ as he himself is, but that his faith will not be taken away. 

God will be his salvation and those who remain loyal will rule with him.

Read more "Scripture Writing Plan - Day 15, 16, 17"

Some big news...

Sooooo...

As of November 2016, I will be a university student again, studying a Bachelor of Naturopathy.

I am so excited and nervous all at the same time.

Excited because it's something I am passionate about and it blends in well with my massage modality and because I love learning new things.

Nervous because I can remember how stressful studying was in the past and my life hasn't exactly been smooth sailing of late AND I've chosen to take it on part-time for the next...wait for it...8 years!  I will be 50 when I graduate - Holy Heck it still spins me out!  Mark took great pleasure tonight in telling me that Ace will be 21 the year I finish...um hello, not helpful LOL!

I discussed it and thought about it and discussed it and thought about it and figured, why not!

Actually I have been doing that for nearly a year now.  I was all set to start in March this year but hit a wall with the funding stuff because I'm still not an Australian Citizen (that will change soon).  Anyway I got around to following it up a couple of months ago and after a lot of nightmarish document follow up, I was approved...synchronicity at work I think.  As they say timing is everything, if I had of started when I was supposed to with everything on my plate the way it has been - I wouldn't of coped.  Whilst things haven't completely settled down I am dealing with it all and know that I have an amazing support  network behind me.

My health was a big factor to consider but I told the university all about it and I can get support for exemptions for when they finally book me in to have my op.

The 8 year thing was scary as it seems like a lifetime away but look at how fast time flies AND there is an option for me to take on additional subjects if I want to fast track.  But doing it part time allows me to still be able to work and support my family.

I chose to start in November as my first lot of exams won't be until the end of February 2017 which means I can get my baby boy settled into high school.  By then we should also have some clear direction about the court case (unless of course a certain someone keeps pulling out all the stops to stall things to suit herself),  and in the meantime I can do some enabling workbooks as a refresher.

Another good thing is that for the first year I will be able to do most of the course work online.  After that though I will need to travel into the big smoke for 12 hours a week.   It won't be too much of a hassle though as the university is pretty much right near Melbourne Central Station.

So anyway I figured why not...time to do something now that will benefit me in the future no point putting my life on hold for what if's and maybes...will worry about all that stuff when the time comes to worry about it.

I have been thinking though that I really do need to quit smoking OR maybe I will be the one to invent a naturopathic remedy that truly works ;)  In all seriousness though I quite often feel like a hypocrite,  but at least I admit it and am aware of it I guess and am actually trying to do something about it.  Enough about that though.

So yeah...that's my big news.  I'm looking forward to a new chapter being written.

So excited! So nervous!  Omgoodness the butterflies keep making me need to pee LOL!

Read more "Some big news..."

Daily Meditation Catch up...

I have sat and read my daily meditations and reflected upon each as I go about my day, but just not gotten a chance to sit and write a blog - so here is a quick catch up!

September 16 - Being Obsessed...

'As our addictions progress, our values regress'.

My daily meditation book is written for woman who do too much, so today's meditation reflected upon on us wanting more recognition, more power, more money, more acceptance and the fact that we lose touch with our morality and spirituality in our obsession to obtain them. 

I believe this to be true of all kinds of addictions and not just work...they are formed of our need for something. Be it the above mentioned or an escape from reality. 

Whatever the addiction or the reason for it, we get so involved with 'it' that somewhere along the line we lose a part of our self. Although in saying that, I also think that if we are able to recognize and overcome our addiction, we gain a lesson that we wouldn't otherwise learn if it wasn't for our addiction - but of course we first have to acknowledge that we are in fact obsessed with something - this I think is a tough reality to face.

I am no stranger to addiction. I actually think that I become addicted to something quite easily and fully immerse myself in it...an addictive personality type, I think its called.

The older I get though; or maybe its from the experience of overcoming my addictions in the past, I seem to be able to step back easier and recognize my patterns before I am at the point where it skyrockets and everything falls apart at the seems around me.

I am so thankful for overcoming the addictions that could of seen me found in a gutter somewhere - Ace was definitely the miracle I needed at that time.

Although no longer drugs, alcohol and sex, I still have obsessions / addictions although they don't run my life like the other three things used to.  I am in control of them...other than one, SMOKING!

I am obsessive compulsive about my house being in order....although I have gotten better.  Today for example a friend came over and I had dishes on my sink and folded washing on my table.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I can very easily go down the path of eating disorder hell and become manic about my training.  

AND...more recently my gardening has become an obsession - I just want it finished.

Before that it was my jewellery making and knitting but the garden has taken over.

Oh...maybe I'm a little blog crazy at the moment too but hey better to get all these ramblings on a page and not left in my head right!

September 17 - Gifts / Worrying

'The unplanned and uncontrollable gifts we receive add colour to the tapestry of living'.

What a beautiful sentence...

Today's meditation was about the fact that worrying does no good other than to feed the worry.  Releasing ourselves of the burden however, will allow us to see the 'gifts' presented within the situation.

September 18 - Guilt

'Giving out of guilt is like sharing an apple full of worms.  We have to take care of ourselves before we can clearly and cleanly give to others'.

The meditation today spoke of putting my own needs first without feeling a sense of quilt or selfishness.

This is something I struggle with A LOT!

I found a quote that said 'Putting yourself first isn't selfish, Thinking about yourself constantly is' and it really resonates with me.

I am far from selfish, in fact I think I need to learn to be a little more selfish as I tend to always put others above myself.  Be it, home or work life.  I will add a side note here though, and say that the times I have been 'selfish' have ended up with shit hitting the fan big time, so maybe I have become over cautious.

Since I have been unwell however, I have pulled back on 'giving' so much to others (other than my family) and putting my own mental and physical well being first.  It has been more out of necessity than instinct but still a change that I have made.  I still push the boundaries on occasion as you may have read about in previous blog posts, but I am getting better at saying no and not pushing my limits.

Before and after doing so though I find that I need to rationalize my decisions over and over again as it constantly plays on my mind.  My counsellor has actually said that she doesn't know why I keep seeing her when I have already thought of every possible scenario and outcome and chosen the best path - yes I am an over thinker!   Anyway even when making my decisions to put myself first my boys well being comes first.  This I don't think is that much of a bad thing though despite people telling me that one day they will be grown up and leave home and making decisions to suit themselves.  Omgoodness I don't even want to think about that.

So anyway, I guess it comes down to trusting that I know what is best for me and running with it without feeling guilty about it.

Read more "Daily Meditation Catch up..."

Weekend Gardening...

If you have missed my other Garden Posts you can view the last one HERE.  It also has links to the other ones too.

We finally got to get back out into the garden this weekend and completed a few sections that we had half done which feels amazing!

Saturday 17th September...

I planted two lavenders in here, as well as some Agis, Spider Plants and spread out the succulents.

Kind of feels crazy to remove Agis just to replant them again but they were a bit wild.

This hole in the fence was a space that people would walk past and throw their rubbish in. Hopefully they will think twice now there's and Agi there.  I also ended up putting a couple of the succulent cutting in there too.

Mum gave me a heap of these yellow flowering roadside plants so I thought they would look good here along the path.

How beautiful is my pig face succulent flower...she was loving the sunshine today after all the rain we've had over the past week OH and some of my seeds are starting to shoot up.

Sunday 18th September..

We finally got to plant our three Grevillea's and our Wattle along here today.  

It doesn't look like we did much but Mark moved three wheelbarrows full of soil from here over to the vegetable patch and then had to find a place for another two on top of that.  Would love to say we don't have to move anymore dirt but unfortunately, we do.   *Sigh - feeling as though we are never going to finish the back section*

Salad patch is all done.  The spring onion that was already growing was very tasty in tonight's dinner!  

Vegetable patch all done.  We planted the Corn and Beans along the back fence and the Watermelon is along the front - whilst I know its not a vegetable, Ace picked it out so it went in.

And lastly, while Mark was moving the dirt from the back fence; I got busy in the front yard pulling out weeds and making a garden bed under the Mulberry Tree.  I planted three little plants that I picked up for $1 each at the local nursery in here.  I also added a rock border to the back but unfortunately ran out of light before I could take a picture.  Hopefully I will get a chance to finish this section off tomorrow, in between work and taking Mum to her appointment.

ADDITIONAL NOTE:

We still have SO much to do that it is all a little overwhelming.  The thing that keeps up going is looking back on all the progress pics and the fact that it is really starting to take shape.  I cannot wait until it's all done and we can sit out in the garden watching the kids play in their pool and then light the fire when night falls and sit back watching the flames with a nice cold drink in hand.  Who knows, there may even be a special occasion worthy of celebrating in our beautiful garden.

Read more "Weekend Gardening..."

Feelings...

September 15 - Feelings

'It is fighting our feelings that causes our suffering, not our feelings.'

Feelings are quite simply our reaction to different situations in our lives, be it something that makes us happy or sad. Quite often we will label those feelings in the positive or negative bracket, but in reality they just are...not good, not bad, just simply the way in which we emotionally respond to situations in our lives. 

I know there are shitty moments in life, far out I myself certainly have my fair share of them, and I also know friends and family who are dealing with situations that just don't seem fair. Going even deeper, take a look at the news, there is certainly a lot of crap happening in the world. However, I believe that the way we deal with it all is what makes the positive and negative come into play. 

We can accept and acknowledge how each of life's situations make us feel and work out ways to change them if we don't like our current state, which are all positive steps. Or, we can avoid, ignore and pretend that we don't feel the way we do, which leans more towards a negative approach.

For me personally, talking about and expressing how I feel hasn't always been easy, its only really been in the past couple of years that I've felt its OK not to be OK, rather than always automatically just taking a 'you'll be right, dust yourself off and just keep going' attitude, hoping that what was getting me down would just magically disappear because of my 'sunny disposition'.

Let me tell you though, for me it doesn't work that way. Yes of course you can still be ultra thankful and grateful for the positives in your life and regardless of what you are going through I believe there is always one - even if it is that you are still here and yes I have had moments where I felt that wasn't a positive at all. But if you don't acknowledge what is getting you down in the first place it will keep coming back to bite you on the arse. This doesn't mean that you unpack and stay there in the doom and gloom, it just simply means to allow yourself to 'feel', to emotionally respond to all of life's situations so that you can figure out what you want to change and then change it.

Everything we feel is a learning experience, all part of the journey towards our end goal. The lows are a reminder to steer is in the right direction; the highs are a little boost to motivate us to keep on going.

Coming off the back of RU OK? and Suicide Prevention Day I decided to post this little reminder on my instagram and facebook sites and thought I would share here too.

Things aren't always black and white. Behind a smile someone may be going through something no one knows anything about, something they can't control it, something they feel they can't change. 

Never assume that people are strong enough to get through on their own or have a great support network and so don't need your help, you may be the person they reach out to. 

We are all in this together in one way or another. 

To those feeling like there is no way out - reach out, there is always a silver lining, sunshine behind the clouds, someone who cares, someone feeling the same way.

Read more "Feelings..."