Talents, Virtues, Purpose 2019

So I'm a little bit behind on answering the manifesting questions posted by the lovely Sonja on the Mindset Wellness group page (check it out HERE), but better late than never I say. Also, to be completely honest with you, I've been in complete holiday mode.  Mind you they go back tomorrow, so I have had to haul arse and start to get back into some kind of routine...uniform and shoes ready, schedules printed, books ready, sleep/wake pattern slowly re-established.

Anyway, heres a little recap of what we have covered so far!  Click the LINKS to see what I'm talking about, if you haven't been follow OR for a refresher, if you have!

Day 1 - I Released 2018

Day 2 - Making Magik 2019

Day 3 - Finding My Purpose

And now here we are at Day 4 - Talents + Virtues + Purpose!

What are your talents?

Ok so I'm just going to put it out there that I find this question incredibly difficult. I really don't do well speaking myself up. I think its because I really dislike those who are 'egotistical' (you know those that have their heads so far up their own arse they can't see anything or anyone around them) and a question such as this one means tapping into that place. But, as the point of this is stripping back the layers, here goes...I also totally get that there is an element of ego needed in order to succeed in business...I guess there is a fine line though hey, between selling oneself and selling that which you can provide.

*I am a quick learner

*I am musical (sing & play guitar, dabble on other instruments)

*I am empathic and compassionate

*I am creative/artistic

*I am good at organising things whether that be events or clutter

*I am strong willed (some may say stubborn)

*I can express myself in words

*I have a Certificate of Aromatherapy, Nutrition, & Shiatsu and a Mastership of Reiki.

*I have a Diploma of Remedial Massage and am passionate about using my skill to help others.

*I can make a mountain out of a molehill...so I know normally this is a negative saying and yes I do have a tendency to also veer on that side of things, but I think of the saying more in terms of the ability to make a little stretch. For example. Money! Its amazing how one can survive, thrieve (depending upon your interpretation of the word) with minimal income.

What are your values?

Here's just a few off the top of my head.  I am sure that if I took extra time to really ponder and analyse, that I could come up with more.

*I strongly believe that good manners and good moral standards cost nothing and yet get you a long way in life.

*I believe a warm friendly smile, a firm welcoming handshake and an embracing hug are invalable gestures to share.

*I believe that perfection is a state of mind although still something worth striving for.

*I believe that being true to who you really are is a very important life process.

*I believe in keeping it real, in not hiding your emotions, in showing your truth as you see it.

*I believe in being open minded, and in the willingness to learn new things.

*I believe that knowledge is not power, the way that knowledge is applied in order to obtain wisdom is!

*I believe that respect is not given based purely upon age or status, but something that is earnt. This does not mean however, that rudeness is acceptable until that has been achieved.

*I believe in honesty at all costs as the truth always comes out in the end...integrity!

*I believe that everybody makes mistakes but its how you own them and work to amend them that really matters. I believe in second chances.

*I believe that if it serves to protect yourself and those you love, cutting toxic people from your life is of paramount importance.

*I believe that a positive attitude and an optimistic outlook sure beats the alternative of bleakness.

*I believe that you don't always have to agree in order to get along, but you must find a mutual ground where you can agree to disagree.

What is your purpose?

WOW, what a question!

I believe it is sharing my talents with others, to work towards making a positive change in the world.

What are your current career fantasies?

I want to have a career that helps others to feel whole, to feel truly connected to who they are, to be healthy on all levels mind, body and soul.  To be the lighthouse in their lives...corny hey!

How do these align with your values, your talents and your health/wellness intentions?

I believe that for the most part who I am and what I stand for are all in alignment.

As I have mentioned previously though, giving up smoking and getting myself back to that place that radiates health (albeit a sterotypical image) is high on the agenda so that I actually feel as though I am walking the talk!

What are your personal intentions?

I want to live in a way that I would be proud of my boys to follow in the same footsteps...to lead by example!

What are your professional intentions?

To share my knowledge, experiences and wisdom with others, so that it may lead them to realising their truest potentional.

What are your philanthropic intentions?

Hmmm another tricky question...let me see!

*I guess the biggest one is the fact that I am an organ donor. I know that right now that doesn't mean much, but hopefully when my time of this earth comes to end, it will make a huge difference in someones life.

*I plan to donate massage vouchers to local fundraisers. I struggle with this a little as on one hand it is also for personal gain, in the sense that it advertises my business. In saying that however, it is not purely about gaining anything but also giving and supporting.

*I would like to give of my time to a worthwhile cause. When I was on the Relay For Life committee, I felt a real sense of purpose, a part of something worthwhile. I want to feel that again, to feel as though I am helping to make a difference.

*I would like to look at donating blood this year. In the past I haven't been able to due to a blood disorder, but I haven't enquired recently and maybe things have changed...since my tonsillectomy my immunity has improved so maybe it will be possible?!

*I plan to continue to pick up rubbish when I am out and about, rather than just walking past it.

*I plan to repurpose and reduce waste.

Well, thats about all I can think of at this stage, thanks heaps for reading. Be sure to stay tuned xo

Read more "Talents, Virtues, Purpose 2019"

Finding MY purpose...

Day 3's questions posted by Sonja relate to digging deep benealth the "layers of fears and unworthiness", peeling back the layers, being completely honest and real and revealing my true purpose. 

Let the paint stripping process begin!

How do you enjoy spending your free time?

*In nature!  Whether that be pottering in my garden or out in the middle of the bush beside a river bank watching the ripples form and rocks be tumbled.  Or sitting in my back yard beneath our glorious oak tree just listening to the rustle of the leaves in the breeze. Or at the ocean with my feet buried deep into the sand as I watch the waves ebb and flow.

*Reading!  In winter I find so much comfort in being snuggled up in a comfy chair with a good book and cup of herbal tea or hot chocolate!  In the warmer months, laying back in my hammock under the shade of a beautiful tree with a glass of moscato feels my cup immensly.

*Being creative!  Playing my guitar and writing songs and poetry.  Painting/Drawing, making Jewellery, Crocheting/Knitting...anything that makes me feel as though I am creating something beautiful and worthwhile to leave behind.

*Spending quality time with family/friends!  Quality to me is devoting real TIME to that person, not just a rushed visit, but one where we get to fully immerse ourselves in each others company.

*Simply being still and snuggling with my family!

If money wasn't a factor how would you choose to spend your time?

*I would pay for a years rent in advance, buy a 4WD, caravan and all camping essentials and I would pack up my family and tour this great land of ours for 12 months.

*After touring Australia, I would pay for another years rent in advance and tour the world, travelling to all those places that I have only ever seens images of.  I would want to truly experience life in that place...not just purely be a tourist!  First and foremost, I would take my family to NZ so we can immerse ourselves in the Maori culture.

Note:  If I am being completely honest and real here, as much as the lack of finances prevents this from happening, the biggest thing that holds me back is the fact that it means being away from my Mum for so long.  Problem solved...if money isn't an issue, I will pay for her to come with us!  Mind you, she wouldn't leave my Sister (understandably, as that is a factor for me also) and so her little family of four would have to come with us too...maybe in their own 4WD and van though.   Oooooh, another option could be to pay for their airfares to meet up with us in different locations every couple of months!

*Once travelling was out of my system, I would study (Naturopathy, Wholistic Counselling/Wellness Coaching to name a few), write/play/record music, volunteer my time helping somewhere I was truly needed.

When do you feel most ALIVE?

WOW what a tricky question!

I have certainly known I was alive on those days when I would finish training and my heart would be beating at a 100 miles per hour and my blood would be pumping around my body ultra fast LOL!

Seriously though, there are so many different moments that I can recall where I have felt truly alive...

*Moments during motherhood where I am truly and deeply engaged with my awesome boys.

*Work days when I fel like I have deeply connected and made a difference in a clients life.

*Time spent with friends where I have been deeply engrossed in meaningful conversation.

*Times where I have performed my original songs for a small intimate gathering.

Reflecting up on those moments, I believe that I feel most alive when I feel as though I have given something unique of myself to someone, and made a positive and lasting impact upon them.

What are the last five instragram profiles you followed?

1.  Kat John

2.  Rebecca Campbell

3.  Keto And low carb online shop

4.  Tribe Skincare

5.  The Healthy Mummy

What do you LOVE to talk about?

Honestly, I LOVE talking with people about their faith, whether than be religious or spirtual or a combination of both like my own. 

I also LOVE talking about peoples fears, passions, likes/dislikes, what moves them, what makes them tick...all of the types of questions that have been answered in the last couple of blogs.  

What could you talk about ALL day, everyday?

All of the above!

Memories of my Dad!

What are the last five books you bought? Have you read them all?

The last five books I have bought myself are all text books for school and so yes I have read them all.  I won't list all five, but I will share the two that I enjoyed reading most:

1.  Lindlahr, H. (2010). Nature cure. Miami, FL: Hardpress Publishing.

2.  Beinfield, H & Korngold, E. (1991). Between Heaven and Earth a guide to Chinese Medicine. New York: Ballantine Wellspring.

In regards to books just for personal pleasure, these have all been gifted to me.

1.  The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Manson.  I got this from my Brother In Law as a Kris Kringle present.  As yet I haven't read it.

2.  Light Is The New Black by Rebecca Campbell.  This was a gift from my Sister and sadly I have not read it in its in entirity as yet.  I plan to change that by the end of this month.

3.  Rise Sister Rise by Rebecca Campbell.  As per above, my sister gifted me with this book last year for my birthday, I am still yet to read it.

4.  The Spy by Paulo Coelho.  Mum got me this one and yes I have read it, and like all of Paulo's books, I absolutely loved it!  Oooh that reminds me, I will be spoiling myself and purchasing his new book Hippie.

5.  Working Class Boy by Jimmy Barnes.  My Mum gave me this one for my birthday last year and as yet I haven't read it as I really want to have the sequel on hand first.

Read more "Finding MY purpose..."

Making Magik 2019

The lovely Sonja posed some more questions related to manifesting some self-care for 2019...here goes my answers!

How much relaxation/rest time do you need/want? 

Ok so lets talk SLEEP to start off with. I really want to get more sleep in 2019!  

In order to achieve this, I plan to set the intent of a weekly curfew. I have tried this previously and stuck to it sporadically, but I feel it is something that is ultra important for me to implement consistently. As ideal as a curfew of 10pm - 11pm would be, I am going to be realistic and say "lights out and electronics OFF" by midnight! Yes, ELECTRONICS included which means NO TV, eeekkk!  Some of you are probably thinking "Whoa! Thats late!", and it is, however, it is much earlier than the usual 2am.  

What am I doing up until 2am?  I guess the biggest reason for this is my need to have everything in its place before stopping and resting, you know the washing up to date, the kids school clothes and lunches organised for the day ahead, a million and one other things that realistically can wait.  Let's face it, if its not done before I go to bed the world isn't going to end right? 

Another reason would be study!  This one I am mentally having a little trouble navigating as working days really only means I have nights or weekends to do it and I like leaving my weekends free for my family.   In saying that, I do plan on keeping my Tuesdays as NO WORK days, which means it could be a study day, however, I also want to keep it open to be able to help my sister if she needs it.  Hmmm anyway, I know that having more sleep will assist with productivity so it is more a matter of utilising my time more effectively.  Oh and as a side note, the past two years I have been up until midnight waiting for the results to be released. I really do not need to do this, they will still be there in the morning and considering I've waited 17 days already, whats one more! 

*More Sleep:  Sunday - Thursday curfew of Midnight.  Lights out and all electronics off!

Now onto the relaxation/rest side of things.  I want as much as I can possibly get and still be financially stable!  

These school holdiays I feel as though I haven't scheduled myself enough of a proper work break and I am seriously feeling it! I have had, and do have more days off scheduled but its been sporadic eg. day off today, work again tomorrow and the next day before another couple of days off and so on and so forth.  What I really need, what I want is to have a minimum of an entire week off work!

Why haven't I?  As I listed in my 'release 2018' post, I have a tendency to put others before myself so not to let them down.  As I had time off in July due to going Tasmania, and then time off again in August due to getting sick and recovering from my nose operation, I feel as though I would be letting down my clients if I had more time off again.  Mind you, by not doing so it means that my family misses out on a family holiday.  Oh golly, its always so hard to pleease everybody!  I guess there is that fear also, that if I were to let people down they might get fed up and go elsewhere which could mean less financial stability.  Anyway here is my plan...

*Scheduled Time Off Work:  One week of each of the school holidays throughout the year, and two weeks of the summer school holidays.  Also no work on public holidays!

Oooh something else I really feel I need/want IS a monthly 'lazy' stay in bed and do nothing but watch netflix day!  Perhaps day two of my moontime would be the perfect day for this, afterall the Native Americans have a Moon Lodge for that very purpose!  

*One lazy day per month!

What are your Health & Wellness Goals? 

First and foremost I need to be prophylatic mascestomy operation and recovery ready by the end of this year!  When the oncologist booked me in, she said that the waiting list was approximately 18 months, so I am estimating that the operation will be in May/June 2020.  Mind you, in saying that I have my first appointment on Tuesday 15th January 2019, to get the ball rolling, so it could be earier!

So what exactly does this mean in relation to my health and wellness goals?

As much as I have made peace with my weight, in order to be considered 'healthy' enough for the operation, I NEED to lose weight!  How much?  Well, if we go by the BMI it says for my height of 172cm, I need to be between 53.5kgs and 71kg.  Given that as of today I am 92.4kg, that means a minimum loss of 21.4kg.  To be completely honest with you, I think the BMI weight is unrealistic.  Yes I have been there before and so it is totally achieveable, but I also know that me, striving for such would be the complete opposite of 'healthy'.  Perhaps I'm not giving myself enough credit not to go off the rails, but you know that saying 'once an addict, always an addict!", it was quoted for a reason!  This is me being a realist!

So how much do I WANT to lose?  Whilst I'm content where I am (so much so I wore a bikini to the beach last week because I liked it and quite honestly if someone didn't like what they saw then they could look the heck away!), I would probably feel more comfortable in some of my clothes and lets face it, be healthier around the 80 - 85kg mark.  So, thats what?  Hmmm, lets say 10kgs, and anything else is a bonus!

*To Loose 10 kilos!

It is all very well and good to state that I want to lose weight, but that alone won't make it happen!  

Here's the plan:

Movement...

*Tuesday evenings - Bootscooting

*Thursday evenings - Water Dancing (aka Water Aerobics)

*Evening bike ride/walk Monday & Wednesday

*Gym training - I don't really have any exact goals for this one, to be completely honest I'm in a something is better than nothing frame of mind and so even if I manage to do a workout once per week, I would be happy with that.  If I were to go gung-ho, a minimum of 3 workouts per week would be ideal.

Nutrition...

*Eat Clean

*No Skipping Meals

*Reduce/Eliminate processed sugar

Confession Time:  For January 2019, this is not really high on my 'HAVE to do' radar.  Come February however, when school goes back and life is back to what I consider normal routine, then that will change.  In saying that though, it doesn't mean I am being a gluttonous sloth, it simply means I am in a 'relaxed mode'!

Actually thinking about it, I may be consuming food, but not a great deal is staying in...REMINDER TO SELF - Book a lapband appointment and double check it hasn't slipped!  Might not be a bad idea to have some fluid taken out either!

On the wellness side of things my goals are:
*Meditate every morning and night
*Spend time daily doing stretching
*Consciously practice mindfulness...the art of being fully present in each moment that is 'now'.
*Continue my affirmations
*Book myself in for monthly massages/body work
*Read books that interest me...NOT text books

Which relationships do you intend to devote more love, energy & quality time to? 

The first answer IS and always will be MY FAMILY!

*Proper date night with my husband once every 3 months!

Whilst we get alone time together on a fortnightly basis when the boys are at their Dads, most of the time we end up pottering around the house/garden and/or lazying around doing not much of anything.  As much as neither of us are huge socialites, I really think it would be nice to actually go out and make memories together...outside of the confines of our home!  

I am ultra excited that on the 2nd of Feburary we are going to the wedding of Marks cousin and so we have organised a baby sitter (the boys Dad didn't want to 'babysit' them on his birthday weekend - seriously he's a total selfish wanker sometimes), and booked the Queen Spa Suite for the night - Oooh la la la!

*More quality time with the boys!

I'm not sure how the conversation started but on NYE Jazz came out with the fact that he had never riden a camel and that he wanted to...SO, the first family wishlist item for 2019 is Camel Riding!  The whole 'IN EGYPT' part of the wish is something that may be a little trickier to manage LOL!  Before THAT can happen I need to finalise my Australian Citizenship...so close, just need the money to do it AND then get all four of us passports, again it comes down to money!

I would also really love to take them to watch a musical theatre show, or live production of some sort - like a musical concert!

*Make more memories with my extended family!

It is so sad to think that weeks and months can fly by without us making the effort to catch up, before I know it the kids will be teenagers and I will have missed all the exciting stages of their lives - not to say teenagers aren't exciting LOL.  Ideally I'd love to organise a monthly family dinner, but realistically every 2 months to just catch up and hang out with each other would be wonderful.

*Friendships - more catch ups!

This year I plan to make the effort to catch up with those friends I didn't manage to see in 2018.  I always feel so bad that I say I would love to catch up, but then it doesn't happen.  Admittedly, its a two way street but its time to actually show those people how much they really mean to me by making more of an effort and actually investing my time into nurturing the friendship.  I know that with work, study and a once a month limitation (which is something else I need to work on viewing differently and perhaps even adding to this list.  Mind you, until I know that the whole saga is completely over, self protection and preservation is paramount...cryptic I know, if you want to know what I'm talking about shoot me a message) it can be tricky to juggle it all.

Under the same heading, is nurturing the friendships that the boys have.  It's great that they have a close circle of friends they see at school and one or two that come here regulary, but I would really love for them to have a close circle and an extended one.

Are there any talents/gifts/hobbies you want to develop?

*Learn to play the piano
*Spend more time playing the guitar and learning new songs
*Set up vegetable, herb and salad gardens
*Make some herbal therapeutic preparations eg. creams, ointments, syrups

Personal interests to explore?

*I'd really like to attend at least one linedancing social event.

Courses/classes you'd like to take?

*Line Dancing/Water Aerobics
*My main focus is completeing my third and final year of my Bachelors Degree in Complementary Medicine, however there are lots of other courses I would love to do eg. Medicinal Cannabis certificate course.

Any upgrades to your home/office?

*New bed...King Size
*Shuffle around the lounge room/sitting room, so that we can create one big gaming room for the boys rather than them taking up two spaces.

Any people in your life who you want to help?

*I want to increase my massage client base by 5 - 10 people this year (regular and rotating).
*I will continue to help fellow uni students, as we are all working towards the same goal of completing the degree.
*I think it goes without saying that I want to help those that I love and care about in anyway that I can.

Any charities to support?

*Young Pink Sisters - A non for profit charity organisation that raises money for young women with breast cancer in Australia (diagnosed under the age of 50 and Australian citizens) to help pay for their medical treatment and associated costs.

Read more "Making Magik 2019"

I released 2018...

During yesterdays roadtrip I used the time to 'Release 2018' by answering a few questions posed by the lovely Sonja of Sonja Ljavroska - Balanced Health and Wellness.

The best things that happened in my life in 2018 include:

*Marrying my sweet man (seriously so blessed, how did I get to be so bloody lucky)!

*Bonding with my Sister (& nephew)
*Successfully completing my 2nd year of university (whoo hoo only 1 year of 'this' degree to go)!

*Watching my son breeze through his first year of high school despite his challenges (we also found out he will have an aide all throughout highschool - bonus)!

The toughest things that happened in my life in 2018 include:

*My Sister being diagnosed with breast cancer and not being able to help as much as I would of liked. 

*Waiting on the diagnostic results of my own lumpy bits. 

*Pneumonia and Nose Operation 

*Our fridge breaking down and not having it fixed for several weeks (bar fridge was a saviour but doesn't fit much LOL)!

*Water leak drama.

The lessons I learnt about myself and life this year include:

*My body heals much quicker now that my tonsils are removed, although I need to allow it time to rest and recover.

*Loving yourself is way better than torturing yourself. 

*I worry way too much about not letting other people down. 

*When it comes to the big C, my optimism is tarnished.
*I miss photography (although not the associated stress of major shoots)!

This year I discovered I really want:

*My boys to stay in high school for as long as possible. 

*Balance (work, study, family, friends)

*To start training again

What I need to let go of to live the way I REALLY want include:

*My addiction to cigarettes 

*Putting my own desires on hold to please others. 

*My need for everything to be OCD ordered 

*Overthinking and analysing

The experience, transformation, or accomplishment I am most proud of in 2018 is:
*Organising a wedding in 8 weeks without any bridezilla moments!

My favourite memories from 2018 include:

*Family camping trip off the grid in the Aussie bush for 2 weeks. 

*Our wedding day

*Family holiday to Tasmania 

*Line dancing with my hubby 

*Snuggle time with my boys 

*Catch ups with friends (movies, water dancing, pub, visits)

Note:  I actually found some of these quite challenging to answer.  I'm sure that if I were to ponder them for longer I would come up with more...but there I go with the over analysing and over thinking.

Read more "I released 2018..."

I'm not superwoman...wait, really?

The past week and a bit (since court) has been a roller coaster of emotions and unfortunately my blog has suffered which totally sucks as it was my sanity, my way of getting everything out of my head to be better able to deal with it all.  In all honesty though, I just didn't have the energy or know what words to use to clearly express what I was feeling.  Well there were some words but it would of been an entire blog of only profanities...f$*#^+% c!@# b#$%@ h*#% s#$^!!!!

I will admit that I was feeling a sense of guilt for not blogging as often as I had set out to do, but then I realised that in order to write about my life, I actually need to be living and experiencing all aspects of it first.  Sometimes it is just too hectic to find the time to blog, because believe it or not I do actually sleep...sometimes!  A little comment left on my facebook blog page helped heaps too.

So...what have you (& I) missed out on with regards to my daily meditation?  Let me summerise it...

Daily Meditation - September 25 to September 30

Overthinking can lead to more confusion!  Confusion leads to negative self talk!

We need to make amends with those that our self-centeredness from our need to control has impacted.  The main person is ourselves!

Support is crucial for becoming more whole.  Whether the support is from family, friends or an outside source.  It is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength to seek help.

Being indispensable does not automatically bring security.

I do not need to be 'doing' in order to give of myself, I can do that just by 'being'.

When we break life down into smaller manageable components and take it one step at a time, it is much easier to deal with.

  

So with all of that said I am 'up to date' on my Daily Meditation, my Scripture Writing Plan has ended, as has my intagram photo-a-day (thank goodness for that one...why I did it again when I haven't enjoyed doing the past couple is beyond me) and today is the start of a new month...a new opportunity for change (Ooh I still have a couple of change blogs in the pipeline) and growth (I've got some garden updates to share also).   

What I am trying to say is I have removed any expectations from myself with regards to this blog.  I am not going to promise a meditation a day or a post a week, but when life allows you can bet that there will be a post or more telling you guys all about what is going on in this head and heart of mine; the raw and unscripted babble of my life and everything within it.

As much as I love to think that I am superwoman and can juggle a million things at once, the reality is that I only have two hands and 24 hours in the day (that's 1440 minutes or 86,400 seconds LOL).

I guess I'm just going to have to settle for being 'super' ordinary...I can deal with that!

Until next time sending love, light and peace to you xox.

Read more "I'm not superwoman...wait, really?"

Balance...

How Funny that the 'catch up' (I am 5 days behind eek) comes just when we reach THAT word...yes I am referring to BALANCE!

September 24 - Balance

'Just as nature needs balance, people need balance'.

'A human being is multidimensional. A human doing however is more like a drawn line than a faceted gem'.

So what exactly is a balanced life anyway?

Is it a life that has a even mix of work, rest and play? (Now I feel like a Mars Bar LOL). 

A balance of internal and external influences? 

Or is it more of feeling that you aren't being pulled more towards one element of your life than the other? and not necessarily about dedicating the exact same amount of portions of time to each?

I think that it varies for each individual.

For me personally I believe balance is about having harmony within and being free from the need to control or 'handle' anything in life - accepting everything 'just is'.  I think that if we balance the internal there will be nothing to handle on the outside as the external is just a reflection of the internal. 

And that right there...

Is the reason I find balance so hard to maintain as my 'external' over powers the 'internal'. 

I am working on it though and realising that 'things' don't have to be perfectly symmetrical or alphabetised in order for me to be able to 'breathe' and 'function' - I can still do that even if things aren't aesthetically perfect.  

The scheduling side of things however...what can I say, I thrive on routine!  Unfortunately though, lately life has been throwing curve balls at me that have pretty much turned my structure upside down...but again - I'm still alive!  Admittedly feeling a little frazzled, but nothing a little OCD cleaning and organisation frenzy won't fix.

Read more "Balance..."

Confusion / Doing it all...

September 23 - Confusion / Doing it all...

'When I bring myself to a situation, that is the best I have to offer'.

Today's meditation spoke of the confusion we face in having to be someone different for varying situations.  For instance; the skills we need to communicate in our working lives, do not serve a purpose when dealing with our children.  And the skills we need to communicate with our children are not helpful when dealing with our partners (although that could be debatable at times) and our friends.

We play so many roles in our day to day lives that some days it's confusing figuring out who we are without playing a role.

I think, we are the culmination of all of our roles - we just have to learn to adapt ourselves to each.  The confusion I believe comes from trying to separate 'ourselves' from them.  

We are all of our life experiences from one moment to the next.

Just 'role' with it but integrity is essential!

Read more "Confusion / Doing it all..."

Confusion...

September 22 - Confusion...

Today's meditation basically spoke about us having way too many voices in our heads and it drowning out the sound of our own knowing.

Our confusion in life comes from trying to please others, rather than doing what feels right for us.

How amazing it would feel to live in a way that the opinions of others didn't matter, that only 'our own 'opinion was in our heads.

Unfortunately I think it is such an ingrained part of human nature that the voices will always be there , like the little good and evil cartoon character things LOL.

On a more serious note though, Mark and I have court AGAIN tomorrow - urgh!  We have so many thoughts running around in our heads about it all that some days the whole thing is just way too overwhelming and confusing to deal with.

I know that I will have to deal with these little guys on my shoulder tomorrow...the one of the left reminding me of Karma and The three fold law AND the one on the right telling me to be ruthless and go for blood.  I know which I would like to listen to, but unfortunately I also know which one will win.  Far out, sometimes I wish I was an evil cruel hearted bitch with no conscious just like the other party in this matter BUT alas, I'm not! 

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Meditation - September 19th to 22nd...

September 19 - Being Present To The Moment

'I rejoice in the moment of total oneness. For in that moment, I am truly myself both within and beyond.'

Reminder

The bird stops amidst the chaos

But it takes no notice of the hustle and bustle
In which the human race endures

Its attention focused only upon the sweet nectar

Which is before it

The beauty of nature

So often neglected

This was written on the 6th of Feb 2009 in the courtyard of an eclectic little cafe here in Bacchus Marsh called ‘Baby Black’.

How wonderful it is when we fully immerse ourselves in the NOW moment, completely surrendering to the magical moment that it is.  Experiencing a oneness with our Higher Power and the process of the universe.

So often, I find myself doing something but thinking about something else in the process and have to give myself a gentle reminder to 'BE PRESENT' to 'FOCUS ON THE NOW'. 

What a difference it makes to the task at hand when I do that.  Not only does it get my full undivided attention but I also find that I feel more at peace, still within. Even if it may feel arduous, mundane, trivial but I am thankful for it, thankful for the amazing opportunity to be experiencing it and living it at the moment in time.

September 20 - Control / Courage

'I always thought it true courage to suffer.  Now I see that just being alive is a special kind of bravery'.

This meditation spoke of having courage to let go of our need for control.

I struggle with this one A LOT but this year I have had to surrender to it and guess what...I'm still here, my world hasn't fallen down around me!

I have learn't that facing my feelings and not being strong and staying in control of the moment as scary as it can be at the time, isn't always a sign of weakness but in fact of true courage.   

September 21 - Clarity

'Clarity is the counterbalance of profound thoughts' - Luc de Clapiers

How often do you 'know' but not express for fear of not fitting in with society?  For being thought of as odd, or weird?

I know that I am guilty of doing this, of keeping my mouth shut so not to be questioned about 'how I knew'?  'where I heard it from?'...it's awkward to try and explain that it was just an internal knowing, a clarity of my own instinctual thoughts.

I believe all of us have a level of 'knowing', some are just more in touch with it than others.  Maybe they decided to shut it off for the reason mentioned above.

There was a time I allowed myself to be more open to my own 'clarity' but it got to much to deal with so I shut off the tap.  Recently though I have allowed it to once again flow and more often than not I express it, although only with those I know I can trust and that are open to it.

'My 'gut' is usually never wrong' - these are words that my close friends and family have heard me say quite often and more often than not, it's not.

Stop seeking the answers from outside of yourself and have faith in your own internal knowing and clarity...you know, and you know you know!

"If we are present in the moment, have the courage to let go of our need to control, clarity will be gained". - Natasha Hurst 2016

Read more "Meditation - September 19th to 22nd..."

Daily Meditation Catch up...

I have sat and read my daily meditations and reflected upon each as I go about my day, but just not gotten a chance to sit and write a blog - so here is a quick catch up!

September 16 - Being Obsessed...

'As our addictions progress, our values regress'.

My daily meditation book is written for woman who do too much, so today's meditation reflected upon on us wanting more recognition, more power, more money, more acceptance and the fact that we lose touch with our morality and spirituality in our obsession to obtain them. 

I believe this to be true of all kinds of addictions and not just work...they are formed of our need for something. Be it the above mentioned or an escape from reality. 

Whatever the addiction or the reason for it, we get so involved with 'it' that somewhere along the line we lose a part of our self. Although in saying that, I also think that if we are able to recognize and overcome our addiction, we gain a lesson that we wouldn't otherwise learn if it wasn't for our addiction - but of course we first have to acknowledge that we are in fact obsessed with something - this I think is a tough reality to face.

I am no stranger to addiction. I actually think that I become addicted to something quite easily and fully immerse myself in it...an addictive personality type, I think its called.

The older I get though; or maybe its from the experience of overcoming my addictions in the past, I seem to be able to step back easier and recognize my patterns before I am at the point where it skyrockets and everything falls apart at the seems around me.

I am so thankful for overcoming the addictions that could of seen me found in a gutter somewhere - Ace was definitely the miracle I needed at that time.

Although no longer drugs, alcohol and sex, I still have obsessions / addictions although they don't run my life like the other three things used to.  I am in control of them...other than one, SMOKING!

I am obsessive compulsive about my house being in order....although I have gotten better.  Today for example a friend came over and I had dishes on my sink and folded washing on my table.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I can very easily go down the path of eating disorder hell and become manic about my training.  

AND...more recently my gardening has become an obsession - I just want it finished.

Before that it was my jewellery making and knitting but the garden has taken over.

Oh...maybe I'm a little blog crazy at the moment too but hey better to get all these ramblings on a page and not left in my head right!

September 17 - Gifts / Worrying

'The unplanned and uncontrollable gifts we receive add colour to the tapestry of living'.

What a beautiful sentence...

Today's meditation was about the fact that worrying does no good other than to feed the worry.  Releasing ourselves of the burden however, will allow us to see the 'gifts' presented within the situation.

September 18 - Guilt

'Giving out of guilt is like sharing an apple full of worms.  We have to take care of ourselves before we can clearly and cleanly give to others'.

The meditation today spoke of putting my own needs first without feeling a sense of quilt or selfishness.

This is something I struggle with A LOT!

I found a quote that said 'Putting yourself first isn't selfish, Thinking about yourself constantly is' and it really resonates with me.

I am far from selfish, in fact I think I need to learn to be a little more selfish as I tend to always put others above myself.  Be it, home or work life.  I will add a side note here though, and say that the times I have been 'selfish' have ended up with shit hitting the fan big time, so maybe I have become over cautious.

Since I have been unwell however, I have pulled back on 'giving' so much to others (other than my family) and putting my own mental and physical well being first.  It has been more out of necessity than instinct but still a change that I have made.  I still push the boundaries on occasion as you may have read about in previous blog posts, but I am getting better at saying no and not pushing my limits.

Before and after doing so though I find that I need to rationalize my decisions over and over again as it constantly plays on my mind.  My counsellor has actually said that she doesn't know why I keep seeing her when I have already thought of every possible scenario and outcome and chosen the best path - yes I am an over thinker!   Anyway even when making my decisions to put myself first my boys well being comes first.  This I don't think is that much of a bad thing though despite people telling me that one day they will be grown up and leave home and making decisions to suit themselves.  Omgoodness I don't even want to think about that.

So anyway, I guess it comes down to trusting that I know what is best for me and running with it without feeling guilty about it.

Read more "Daily Meditation Catch up..."

Feelings...

September 15 - Feelings

'It is fighting our feelings that causes our suffering, not our feelings.'

Feelings are quite simply our reaction to different situations in our lives, be it something that makes us happy or sad. Quite often we will label those feelings in the positive or negative bracket, but in reality they just are...not good, not bad, just simply the way in which we emotionally respond to situations in our lives. 

I know there are shitty moments in life, far out I myself certainly have my fair share of them, and I also know friends and family who are dealing with situations that just don't seem fair. Going even deeper, take a look at the news, there is certainly a lot of crap happening in the world. However, I believe that the way we deal with it all is what makes the positive and negative come into play. 

We can accept and acknowledge how each of life's situations make us feel and work out ways to change them if we don't like our current state, which are all positive steps. Or, we can avoid, ignore and pretend that we don't feel the way we do, which leans more towards a negative approach.

For me personally, talking about and expressing how I feel hasn't always been easy, its only really been in the past couple of years that I've felt its OK not to be OK, rather than always automatically just taking a 'you'll be right, dust yourself off and just keep going' attitude, hoping that what was getting me down would just magically disappear because of my 'sunny disposition'.

Let me tell you though, for me it doesn't work that way. Yes of course you can still be ultra thankful and grateful for the positives in your life and regardless of what you are going through I believe there is always one - even if it is that you are still here and yes I have had moments where I felt that wasn't a positive at all. But if you don't acknowledge what is getting you down in the first place it will keep coming back to bite you on the arse. This doesn't mean that you unpack and stay there in the doom and gloom, it just simply means to allow yourself to 'feel', to emotionally respond to all of life's situations so that you can figure out what you want to change and then change it.

Everything we feel is a learning experience, all part of the journey towards our end goal. The lows are a reminder to steer is in the right direction; the highs are a little boost to motivate us to keep on going.

Coming off the back of RU OK? and Suicide Prevention Day I decided to post this little reminder on my instagram and facebook sites and thought I would share here too.

Things aren't always black and white. Behind a smile someone may be going through something no one knows anything about, something they can't control it, something they feel they can't change. 

Never assume that people are strong enough to get through on their own or have a great support network and so don't need your help, you may be the person they reach out to. 

We are all in this together in one way or another. 

To those feeling like there is no way out - reach out, there is always a silver lining, sunshine behind the clouds, someone who cares, someone feeling the same way.

Read more "Feelings..."