New Goals

If you read the previous post you will know that I have been dealing with being unwell (I have been to the specialist and have other tests and appointments booked for the new year so all is on the right track towards answers), what I didn't mention however was that I have also been nursing a partner who has had a couple of hospital visits and an operation and who is still not out of the woods just yet.  As well as two little boys who have also been dealing with hayfever, asthma and other general germy things that they bring home from school AND running a household and my own business/s.  Are you tired after reading that?  Yep me too but as I have said before I refuse to allow anything to beat me.  As you can imagine though ME time is not something I get a great deal of and so despite not being 100% I have still been going to my training sessions 3 days a week and giving it all that I can with no real purpose other than to get out the house and just do it!

Now, whilst that is awesome within it self, I am someone who thrives on direction and purpose and so in all honesty have been feeling a little lost.  After a few conversations with my dear friends and a discussion with my trainer I decided that its time to let go of the fears that are holding me back and I have come up with some new goals to work towards.

Before I go into the goals though I feel that I should note the 'fears' as these had me in a stagnant holding pattern and so rather than them being in my head for me to mull over I will release them.

1.  Fear of allowing my past eating disorder to resurface and not being able to see the signs - This has been stopping me from getting serious about my nutrition but I know that I have learnt so much about using food to fuel my body and that skinny is no where near as sexy as strong is and in order to get strong my body needs to have food to eat.

2.  Fear of setting a goal and my injuries preventing me achieving them and therefore failing -  My injuries are not an excuse they are 'real' and so its OK that I can't run, box jump or throw because there is always another option.  The only time I will 'fail' is when I quit!

3.  Fear of loose skin and going under the knife again - I know that when I reach my goal weight I will have loose skin and I know that I wont be happy looking in the mirror and seeing it despite knowing that underneath it I am trim, toned and terrific and so that only leaves me the option of going under the knife and having it removed.  This thought terrifies me as my past operations were not exactly speedy recoveries and also took a lot out of me on a mental health level.  The cost is also something that I have issues with as it will mean me being incredibly selfish and using money that could go towards my families future.

That's pretty much it...apart from the whole people judging me fear but that really doesn't factor into it on a major scale as people will judge regardless of who you are or what you do because sadly its human nature and it makes us feel better about ourselves for a little while - I know I have been guilty of it also.  That is just a matter of staying true to who I am and continuing to love myself warts and all because at the end of the day its me who rests with me.

  

With that out of the way its time to reveal my 'Health and Fitness' GOALS....

*Weight Loss, Fat Percentage Loss and Skeletal Muscle Gain.

I am currently HERE:

I am giving myself a time frame of 1 year (my 40th Birthday) which is a healthy rate of under 1/2 a kilo per week - this allows for celebrations such as christmas and also enjoying some of life's fuctions.

I have set a target weight of 71kg for the purpose of having a goal to work towards.

Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Weight Loss Tools

Should I reach my ideal body fat percentage of 25% and that figure be higher I will be happy as I know that body composition is more important that a figure on the scales.

*Fitness Goals are planned on a 3 month basis - by Mid March.

1.  100 continuous skips

Today I stopped at 38 and 72

I find skipping really difficult because of all the trouble with my knee but I am determined to get my 100 in a row and then increase the speed because it will mean that I am closer to being able to achieve my 5 in a row of Double Unders.

2.  '2 in a row' unassisted pull ups

Today is day 1 of the Armstrong Program and I vow to give it my all and not give up.  

I had initially considered starting in the new year as starting today meant that I would need to also do it on Christmas Day but I figured what better gift than to continue towards my goal and my family have said that they will stand there will me and cheer me on.

DAY 1 RESULTS:  5 x Rounds for MAX REPS with 90 seconds rest between

R1 (Blue Band Only) - x5 just below bar

R2 (Blue and Black Band) - x 7 chin to bar

R3 (Blue and Black Band) - x 5 chin to bar

R4 (Blue and Black Band) - x 4 just below bar

R5 (Blue and Black Band) - x 3 chin to bar

3.  1000m row in less than 4 minutes 

 Todays results were 1000m in 4 minutes and 18.5 seconds

4.  100kg Deadlift Club

My current PB is 83kilos however today I struggled with 70kilos as my back wasn't feeling very strong.

This one isn't one that I 'have' to achieve but if I do I will be over the moon.

Read more "New Goals"

Operation Time to kick it

I really have no idea where to start with this blog so please excuse me if it ends up being more like an explosion of verbal diarrhea on the page.

Since my last post my weight and body composition has been totally erratic with it going down, going up, going down and finally going back up again.

Unfortunately due to an illness in September I had several weeks off training and despite trying to keep my nutrition on track in the beginning after the 2nd week of being laid up I went into 'feel sorry for myself mode' and it became less of a priority - in other words I self sabotaged.  On top of that I also had a few 'ladies troubles' which saw me being treated with a double dose of the pill which we all know is bound to increase ones weight as estrogen increases the storage of body fat.  Add to that a concoction of medication all with the side effect of weight gain and well it was inevitable that my weight would go UP.

I have not been outside of the 80kg range in over 10 years and so as you can imagine hitting the 90's (currently 91.2kg) wasn't the greatest feeling but whilst in the past something like this would of been a catalyst for me to go into depression this time it didn't trigger that kind of reaction. Shocked?  Me too!

What I did instead was say (literally)...'Well that sucks!!  Time to put an end to this shit' - 3 months later and still riding the illness wave with tests and medication coming out of me rear end is well and truly enough!

And so, Operation 'Time to kick it' was born.

Kick what exactly??  Kick this illness & Kick my own arse!

Goodbye: Antibiotics, Pill & Hormones, Cortisteroids, Nebuliser (still using preventer and ventolin as needed), Crap Food & Negativity.

Hello: Good Nutrition, Exercise, Positivity & New Goals.

I've been thinking about why I reacted differently towards my weight increase and have come up with the following.

1.  My weight doesn't define who I am....it doesn't make me less of good person because I put on a few kilos and it doesn't take away my ability to love the things about me that make me ME.

2.  I have new goals / direction with my training - more about this in next blog.

3.  My house is all clean and organised just the way I like it.

4.  I am sick of being sick and I'm ready to take my life back as I have so much happening at the moment with my rekindled relationship/family, business/es (which continues to thrive despite me being sick - I seriously have the most understanding and caring clients a girl can ask for) and of course at this time of the year Christmas and New Years plans...ONLY 9 MORE SLEEPS UNTIL SANTA COMES!!!!

5.  I was called 'fat & ugly' in a pinterest post (one of many) and whilst it was aimed to insult me and make me upset it actually did the opposite.  

I will admit that I did have a moment where I considered not revealing so much in my blog as I know that it will be read by the person who 'tried' to insult me and I can guarantee they will be like 'Bahahahaha it's Karma - look at the fat and ugly s*^t and so on and so forth'.  BUT, it was only a brief moment and I will certainly not allow them to break my spirit.

I've been fat so to call me fat now is hilarious....

I'm still 36 kg's from this person and I am never going here again but even if I did 'I' know (and mine really is the only opinion that matters when it comes to things relating to 'me') I would still be a beautiful person inside and out because I have grown to love who I am - warts and all.

  

6.  I am only 1 year away from the big FOUR ZERO and time flies way too fast to procrastinate.  As my birthday fell on a Monday I decided why not start from there.

Talking about birthdays.....Guess who completed 61 'Chest to Floor' BIRTHDAY BURPEES in 6 minutes and 51 seconds PLUS a Simple WOD of 100 Skips, 10 x Box Steps, 20 x Sit Ups, 30 x Ball Squats for 3 rounds ON her actual birthday!!! Yep MOI. Gotta say I was pretty proud of myself.

7.  Because I know that I CAN do anything I set my mind to and I truly believe that I DESERVE to be fit and healthy.

8.  Because I have helped/help to inspire and motivate others on their journey and its time to give that same dedication to myself as those people inspire and motivate me.

9.  I'm sick and tired of being consumed by the 'weight'.

10.  I have an amazing support base who have helped me to look at the non weight related achievements that I have made.

AND with that.....It's time to put one foot in front of the other as best I can and KICK SOME MAJOR BUTT!!!

Read more "Operation Time to kick it"

Weight or Body Composition?

SO...I hopped on the scales Friday 30 August 2013 for my monthly weigh in AND the results are: 

Weight UP by 1.3kg

Body Fat DOWN by 2.0% 

Skeletal Muscle UP by .8%

I will be honest and tell you I am really disappointed with the weight results despite knowing that the body composition results are really good.

Anyway, after beating myself up with a whole heap of mental crap including self sabotaging my nutrition (hence the reason there is a gap in my Daily Food Album), and then speaking to my trainer who said exactly what I knew he would say (because I would say the same thing to my clients) - 'WHO CARES ABOUT THE WEIGHT - BODY FAT & MUSCLE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING!'.....

WEIGHT? or BODY COMPOSITION?

Ofcourse I would choose 'OR THIS?'

I have decided to just keep on, keeping on and working towards my goal step and one day at a time.

I am hoping that by doing the hard work with my training and nutrition that eventually it will all have to even out and the weight will in fact come down because it is really hard to ignore the 'weight' when most of my life has been focused around that very thing - it is still a HUGE roadblock for me - Who will I be if I do not have my weight to define me? that is a whole other blog in itself.

Read more "Weight or Body Composition?"

R U OK??

The R U OK? Foundation is a not-for-profit organisation dedicated to encouraging all people to regularly and meaningfully ask 'are you ok?' to support those struggling with life.

How many of you when asked this question will answer with the generic...'I'm FINE' or 'All Good' but really the truth of the matter is that you are NOT OK.

I decided that today I would open up and share...

As I write this in my head are self limiting thoughts about being a failure...

I am currently unwell (throat/ear/chest/lung infection which has triggered acute asthma) and as a result of having to 'rest' I 

have let so many people down this week and I really dislike doing that as it then opens up more concerns about running a successful business and so on.

Lately I also feel like I am constantly chasing my tail with regards to my health and fitness journey. 

Despite putting on a brave face and just pushing through, my injuries (knee, shoulder/back) are so goddamn f*#&ing frustrating to me. It feels like its always one thing after another and it is really taking its toll.

The other thing that really gets to me is that I can quit smoking just by saying that's its I'm doing it.....why can't I find the same resolve with my food? I know I am scared of going down a destructive path of anorexia/bulimia again and balance is something that I am yet to master but I quite often feel like such a hypocrite and that's not something I pride myself upon.

Anyway I just thought I would share a few things, if I kept going I could fill a journal today but all in all it could be worse. 

Despite sharing this please know that I am not depressed or in a negative head place I just simply wanted to open up and say that regardless of my smile and positive outlook in life someday's I'm not OK and could really just do with venting. 

I am one of the lucky ones who can find solace in meditation and positive affirmations and am also blessed to have an awesome group of friends and family and for that I am truly thankful.

Thank you for taking the time to read. I hope you are ok?  

Read more "R U OK??"