Outfit Comparrison Picture April 09 vs August 10

On March the 10th 2010 this is what I wrote about the picture (below) taken in April 2009.

Its amazing what you take for granted!! I was so unhappy with how I looked when this photo was taken and now all I want is to get back there again....this is what I am working my butt off to achieve and I promise myself that when I get there I am going to SMILE and most importantly I am going to be well enough to really enjoy it.

Well as you can see, I am there and I am reasonably healthy but I am not smiling!  I am still not happy with how I look and although I know I have come so far from where I was it feels very unrewarding.  Will I ever be happy?  Will I stop changing the goal posts?  Will I ever be able to accept a compliment without chringing on the inside? 

My lapband specialist has said that she is happy with my weight where it is, which I believe is WRONG as I am not even within my healthy BMI range yet.  I told her that ideally I would like to be between the 69kg - 74kg range which means I still have between 5 - 10kg to lose.  I manged to talk her around to agreeing to the 74kg but she believes that 69kg is too little for my frame and that I would look terrible...I guess seeing is believing.

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An Update as at 14 August 2010

I hadn't realised that it had been so long since I updated this blog.  To be honest with you the past couple of weeks have been like a yo yo in all aspects of my life.  Biting off more than I can chew not only affects my stress levels but inadvertantly my hips too!

Food wise this week has been shitty - Comfort eating is a real problem.  Exercise wise this week I managed 4 out of the 7 days which is OK but ideally I want to be doing my 6.

On a big positive I ran 2.3km in 20 minutes on Friday about 2 minutes of that was walking to catch my breath so the aim is to build up my stamina so I can go the distance and then increase my speed to get my time.  I'm doing the St.George Melbourne Marathon 5.7km in October so there will be lots of running training sessions between now and then.

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Need to get back on track!!

So, the week started off with a great weigh in result and also some awesome training sessions which gave me the boost I needed to get my eating on the right track.  Unfortunately I can't say the same for the middle and the end of the week. 

After the 'shitty' day I had on Tuesday I pigged out on Popcorn (a whole 200 gram bag) which just made me feel like crap so I decided to just learn from it and move on. 

Wednesday's food was great (apart from purging dinner) but didn't see me doing any exercise (apart from lots of guitar playing). 

Thursday I woke up feeling like I was hit by a truck and so ended up spending the afternoon on the couch asleep and was in bed fast asleep by 10pm which for me is 'early. 

Friday I cancelled my PT session as getting out of bed was a struggle.

Saturday and Sunday haven't been much better and as a result of feeling blah I have been comfort eating - not to the extreme but enough to make me feel guilty which just feeds the blahness - its a never ending cycle.

Anyway I am sure that tomorrows weigh in result is not going to be a positive one but I am determined to not let it work as a negative but instead to fuel my determination to get my butt back into gear.  I also have a feeling that the universe is going to throw more crap at me this week to test my will power and strength of spirit but I am not going to give in, I am going to forge forward and power through.

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