The Evolution of This Blog

The Evolution of me... 

It began in January 2010 as a way to take back control of my weight.

That’s the neat version of the story. The tidy headline.

But the truth is, the journey began long before that - in quiet comparisons, in restless striving, in the subtle belief that if I could just fix my body, everything else would fall into place.

I remember once being told by a close family friend that I had such a pretty face - it was just a pity the body let me down. A sentence tossed out casually. Perhaps unintentionally hurtful. Perhaps never meant to linger.

But it did.

There were other moments too. Comparisons to one of my aunties in stature - words I absorbed as insult, never pausing to see the fullness of her beauty, her wisdom, her steadiness. I filtered everything through the lens of insecurity. I translated neutral into negative. I collected comments like evidence.

My weight began to define me.

Not only because of the nicknames - “garbage guts,” “tubby,”  "womble butt" - or the offhand remarks that stung more than they should have. But because I allowed them to. I let those words sink beneath the surface. I let them take root. I let them feel true.

I wore them like invisible ink. 

I let them tattoo themselves onto my skin.

And so when I say this blog began as a health and fitness journey, what I really mean is that it began as an attempt to outrun a story I had been telling myself for years. A story where my worth was conditional. Where my value rose and fell with the number on a scale.

Health and fitness became my compass. I tracked, trained, measured, refined. And I wrote. I blogged my way through the becoming - sharing milestones, setbacks, lessons learned through discipline and determination. For years, the rhythm was simple: effort in, results out. Movement as medicine. Control as comfort.

Then in August 2016, something shifted.

I began to look beneath the surface. Beyond macros and mileage. Beyond aesthetic goals and personal bests. I started asking deeper questions about identity, about values, about the stories I carried and the ones I was ready to rewrite. Health and fitness were still there, but they were no longer the whole picture. They were threads - not the entire tapestry.

Now, fitness as I once knew it sits quietly on the sidelines. Missed, yes. Remembered fondly. And one day, when I can trust myself not to push beyond my own limitations - not to override my body in the name of achievement - it will return in a gentler form. But life has grown more complex. My health has grown more complex. And how could that not shape the writing?

This space has evolved as I have.

What started as blogging has become something more intentional. More rooted. I’m no longer just documenting progress. I’m leaving a legacy.

Not perfectly curated content - but breadcrumbs home.

Home to who I was. 

Home to who I am. 

Home to who I am still becoming.

My entries are sporadic - sometimes flowing one after the other, words spilling out faster than I can hold them. Other times, they fall silent for months. Even a year. Life expands. Energy shifts. Seasons change.

But I always come back.

Because writing these posts is a form of therapy.

As someone who chronically overthinks - who often feels like there are too many browser tabs open in my mind at once - writing is my way of closing them, one by one. It is a cathartic process. A quiet untangling. A place where the noise softens enough for clarity to rise.

It helps me process my thoughts. 

It helps me sit with my emotions. 

It helps me make sense of the jumbled, beautiful mess that is my mind.

I write to preserve memory. To hold onto moments before they blur at the edges. To share lived wisdom - not as instruction, but as offering. To offer light through honesty. Not the harsh glare of perfection, but the steady glow of truth.

These words are a time capsule.

For my children... so they might one day know the texture of my thoughts, not just the outline of my days.
For my future self... so she can remember what it took to get here.
And for anyone walking through their own dark season... who might need to borrow a little light until theirs steadies again.

I won’t only share the polished chapters. I’ll share the unraveling too.

Because the unraveling is where the becoming happens.

Read more "The Evolution of This Blog"

The Dangers of Drinking Concrete

Beyond the Edge of My Energy...

I wrote recently about returning in memory to the ancient oak tree, about being held under her branches and feeling that quiet, steady comfort, about remembering softness.

This entry is about what happens when I forget.

Arthur C. Clarke once wrote, “The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible.”

I spent most of my adult life taking that literally. It felt like a philosophy made for people like me... ambitious, disciplined, quietly relentless. The kind of person who believes effort can outsmart limitation. I am 51 years old, and I have spent decades unapologetically venturing past my limits... decades of perfecting the art of overriding the whispers of my body... decades convinced that resilience meant endurance. That strength meant pushing. That discipline meant overriding discomfort.

I show up. I don’t quit. I push. I achieve. I keep going long after most people would stop. I do the things I “should”, because I "can"... even when my body says no.

And then sometimes… more often than not... I pay for it.

Drinking Concrete

In jest, my husband suggested the title of this blog 'The Dangers of Drinking Concrete'.

Thing is, he’s not wrong. I swallow discomfort. I harden around it. I turn pain into productivity. Symptoms into inconvenience. Warning signs into background noise. Concrete sets hard. It holds. It doesn’t bend. But, concrete cracks eventually. I’ve cracked more than once.

There is a particular kind of grief that comes when you realise that willpower is not the same as capacity. That determination does not magically expand physiology. That mindset does not override mitochondria, hormones, inflammation, nervous system load. If I just tried harder... managed better... planned more efficiently, I believed I could outwit my symptoms. And occasionally, I could.

But it always came at a cost.

The Ankle Incident

There are moments that show us ourselves more clearly than we’d like.

A few weeks ago, I badly sprained my ankle at the beach. Ironically, I had been frolicking in the surf, feeling free, alive. The ocean gives and takes in the same breath. One wrong step in the shifting sand, and I was down. It swelled. It throbbed. It screamed. The next morning, I went into the city for clinical placement anyway.

Of course I did.

I limped between consult rooms. I smiled through the pain. I elevated it in stolen moments. Told myself it wasn’t that bad. Told myself I could push through. A week later, still swollen and sore, I finally went to the emergency department. Not because I wanted to. Because I had to.

Push. Override. Pay later.

It was such a familiar pattern. The quiet negotiation with pain. The belief that endurance equals strength. The subtle refusal to acknowledge limitation. And the hardest part wasn’t the injury, it was recognising how automatic the denial had become.

And yet, I don’t tell this story with judgement. I tell it with compassion. Because this is how learning happens, not through perfect choices, but through finally seeing our patterns clearly enough to choose differently next time.

The Reckoning

During my clinical training, sitting with patients, witnessing invisible illness, holding space for complex stories... something began to shift... something in me began to soften. I could see in them what I had refused to see in myself. That complexity is real. That chronic conditions are not moral failures. That pacing is not weakness. That rest is not resignation. 

There is something profoundly confronting about recognising your own reflection in the case you’re supporting. I began to acknowledge that my cycles weren’t random. They were predictable outcomes of a nervous system that had been asked, repeatedly, for decades, to operate beyond sustainable limits.

Living in denial kept those cycles alive. Denial sounds harsh, but it often wears respectable clothing. It looks like high achievement. It looks like productivity. It looks like “coping.” But underneath, it whispers: "Don't you dare quit. Suck it up. Just drink some concrete. You're all good."

Slowly, I am starting to make peace with the fact that my body has limits. Real ones. Not imagined. Not excuses. Real ones.

And it’s okay.

When Pushing Doesn’t Work

Clarke’s words speak to innovation and expansion. In science and art, perhaps we must test edges to discover new ground. But I live in a body that does not always cooperate with the narrative. This is where motivational quotes begin to feel complicated. Because what happens when venturing into the impossible doesn’t create innovation, but triggers symptoms? What happens when bravery looks less like pushing forward, and more like stopping early enough to protect tomorrow’s energy?

I live inside that paradox. 

Chronic illness teaches a different kind of wisdom. When you live by your energy... when you count your day in invisible units... venturing “just a little past” the impossible is not visionary… it is destabilising. For someone wired like me, uncomfortable with stillness, allergic to falling behind, that distinction matters deeply. Because in my body, not listening to the whisper... pushing beyond the edge of my energy does not expand my world. It shrinks it.

I don’t just “run out of steam,” I cross an invisible line and fall into depletion, the kind that steals days, sometimes weeks. One ignored signal can spiral into many. One act of denial reinforces an old and familiar loop: push, override, pay later.

For me, the impossible isn’t doing more. It’s restraint. It’s stopping before collapse.

Redefining Strength

Part of me still believes in expansion, in discovering what’s possible. And another part knows that protecting my finite currency, means spending wisely. So how do I reconcile these two truths? The part of me that wants to reach farther, and the body that asks me to move more gently? There was a time when I thought acceptance meant giving up. 

Now I see it differently.

Acceptance is not resignation. It is collaboration. It is saying "This is the body I have. These are the conditions that exist. And this life is still worthy of care, curiosity, and possibility." Making peace with the complexity of my health has not meant giving up on growth. It has meant redefining it. Strength isn’t concrete. It bends. It adjusts. It forgives. Listening to my body doesn’t shrink my life the way I feared. It protects it. It expands it. Saying “I can’t today” isn’t defeat. It’s wisdom.

I am learning... slowly, imperfectly... that growth is stopping before collapse. It is leaving energy in the bank. It is building a life that works with my physiology, not against it. It doesn’t live in overexertion. It lives in precision. In noticing the difference between stretching and straining. Between courage and compulsion. Energy once spent on denial can be redirected toward living. Toward choosing carefully. Toward honouring the days I feel strong without punishing myself for the ones that don’t. Even if that feels impossible at first.

Because for someone who has built her identity around capability and endurance, acceptance can feel far more radical than overexertion. Now, I understand that the edge of possibility looks different for me. Perhaps my version of venturing into the impossible is not by pushing beyond my limits, but by accepting them fully.

Sometimes the impossible isn’t doing more... it’s finally giving yourself permission to do less.

Sometimes the impossible thing is trusting that rest is productive, even when nothing visible is being achieved. And perhaps that is the quiet revolution chronic illness offers: Learning that expansion doesn’t always come from doing more. 

Sometimes it comes from finally listening.

Read more "The Dangers of Drinking Concrete"

Under Her Branches

There was an ancient oak behind our old house.

She wasn’t just a tree, she felt like a presence. A quiet place where the world softened and time loosened its grip.

I used to sit beneath her for long stretches, looking up through her branches, watching light move in ways that made everything else feel small. There was nothing to achieve there. Nothing to fix. Just breath, stillness, and the slow remembering of myself.

Somewhere along the way, I grew apart from that kind of silence. Life became louder. Busier. Full of movement and expectation. But the feeling of sitting beneath her never really left, it lived quietly in the background, waiting to be returned to.

Under Her Branches came from that remembering.

The verses are gentle and finger-plucked, like footsteps back into stillness. Slow, spacious, unhurried, the way time felt under her shade. The pauses matter as much as the notes, because silence was always part of the experience.

Then the chorus lifts to feel the spirit rise, like the moment you exhale and realise you’re safe. That shift from holding on to letting go. From thinking to simply being.

This recording is raw. A scratch track. Imperfect timing, imperfect angles, imperfect hands, but maybe that’s the point. The feeling itself was never polished. It was honest, simple, and real.

This song is my way of returning to that place.
To the ground beneath me.
To the calm that grows when nothing needs to be forced.
To the quiet sense that something sacred lives in ordinary moments.

If you listen, I hope it carries you there too, even for a moment, beneath her branches, where everything slows, and you remember what it feels like to just be.

Under Her Branches

Verse 1
Ancient Oak behind our old house
She leaned into the sky
I’d lay back in the long grass
And watch the daylight climb
Sunlight through her fingers
Fell dancing on my face
Praying in the silence
Transcended in time and space

Chorus
Under her branches
I was quiet, I was small
Didn’t need the answers
Just let go of it all
The wind would turn the pages
Of a sky so wide and blue
Under her branches
The calm within me grew

Verse 2
No phone, no ticking hour hand
No somewhere else to be
Just the ground beneath me
God’s presence in her leaves
The world felt less demanding
When I listened to her sway
She never tried to change me
But she did anyway

Bridge
Now the days are louder
And the nights don’t fall the same
Sometimes, I close my eyes
And whisper out her name
If I could find that silence
I know just what I’d do
I’d lay down in her shadow
And let myself be new

Final Chorus

Under her branches
I was steady, I was free
Nothing left to measure
Just me, being me

Under her branches
I was quiet, I was small
Didn’t need the answers
Just let go of it all
The wind still turns the pages
Of a sky so wide and blue
Under her branches
The calm within me grew

Copywrite Music & Lyrics by Natasha Hurst-Shilling (13.02.26)

Read more "Under Her Branches"

Half way there...

Here we are, halfway through 2020, and what a bizarre six months it has been.  When this year started, I never would have predicted the 'unprecedented' events that have occurred thus far. 

What about you?

I can't say that it has completely gone in a different direction than I thought, Covid-19 the exception ofcourse.  And on a personal level, I don't believe that its been my worst year ever, I can think of others where rock bottom was surpassed.  On a global level however, there is no denying that the number of deaths from this worldwide pandemic is extremely sad.

With this in mind and since we are at month 7 of 12, I thought it would be a great time to take a quick inventory of my yearly goals and see if there needs to be a change of direction entirely, or just some simple adjustments so to adapt better.

How would I sum up, what has happened to me in 2020, so far?

Admitted to hospital for unexpected reason!  Admitted to hospital for expected reason!  Admitted to hospital unexpectedly!  Admitted to hospital for expected reason!

Then lots of tests, and various trips back and forth to hospital!

What silver linings have I found in the midst of this years craziness?

I have had guilt free time off work/study to rest and recover.  As well as, had lots of connection time with my family.

What I've learned about myself,  others, and life in general this year?

Firstly, and I think everyone would agree, is that life, is un-freaking-predictable!  I mean, I kinda knew it was, but after this year, I really know!  Can you relate?

As for myself and others, I don't really know what to write for this one; maybe that I'm a cynic and "...believe people are motivated purely by self-interest rather than acting for honourable or unselfish reasons"(Goggle, 2020).

Oh gosh, thats not very positive hey!  It is however, real!

More seriously, something I've learnt about myself (well more confirmed) is that doing nothing (aka resting, resting, resting) makes me feel lazy; worthless and lacking purpose.  I know its only temporary, and its for the purpose of recovering, but contrary to what my mother would have you believe, I actually do not do 'doing nothing' very well.

What I'm most proud of myself for doing, being, learning or understanding this year?

Funnily enough considering what I wrote above, I think it would have to be surrendering and resting.  Yes, to the point of actually becoming quite lazy, well I feel as though I am anyway!  

In saying that, the house is still clean, kids have been getting fed each day, and bills and paperwork is up-to-date.

What word sums up your 2020 experience?

I think it would definitely have to be - RESILIENCE!  

Although I despise it when people say "oh, you're sick AGAIN"!, I must admitt that sometimes it does indeed feel like its just one 'negative' thing after the other.

But as the quote says, I also have lots of blessings to count.

2020's Goals Revisited

*First and foremost my goal is to address ALL health issues.

-Heal and recover from mastectomy so to be ready physically and mentally for revision surgery.  

-Address Gynocological issues.  

-Get lapband fixed.

*After that, its to resume study, and then look at resuming work (once Covid-19 behind us).  In regard to work I'm thinking that some changes are on the cards.  What they are, or what they look like right now, I'm not sure.

*Given that we are getting the Covid-19 payment each fortnight, which is great considering I lost my income, I'd like to put some money aside!  Saving enough to put into a term deposit would be awesome.

*Managing my pain better so that I can heavily reduce, or better still, eliminate my pain meds and detox my body.  This is especially important so that the medication will be effective after the next operation/s.

To be honest with you, it would also help me get some productivity back in my life, and make study less of a challenge.  

Lately my mind is far too consumed by the ever present thick fog which just lingers there to numb the sensory receptors of my brain so that I do not feel pain or anything else for that matter.  Even the simple task of writing this blog has taken what feels to me an eternity to compose, as the words that form within the suffocated confines of my cranium get muddled as they move to my fingers or even to my lips to be expressed in a manner which makes sense to a those which are not in the same intoxicated state of mind as mine.  

In addition, weariness encompasses every inch of my being, and I find myself lying idol for most of the hours which make the day.  My body once so strong feels frail and fatigued.  

The time in which it has taken just to write these words frustrates me to the point of wanting to throw this device across the room but I would then be alone with no outside stimulus of which this provides, and so instead I just sit here continuing to place babble upon the white space before me sighing loudly to release the heat rising within just like a fire breathing dragon.   Oh the heat, yes that glorious internal combustion which for me, at this moment, just adds salt to the already festering wound.  

But, I digress, so I pause,  contemplating whether I have expressed all that I feel needs conveying, although if truth be told, I've since forgotten the point of my writing.  Self expression I assume!

Read more "Half way there..."

Talents, Virtues, Purpose 2019

So I'm a little bit behind on answering the manifesting questions posted by the lovely Sonja on the Mindset Wellness group page (check it out HERE), but better late than never I say. Also, to be completely honest with you, I've been in complete holiday mode.  Mind you they go back tomorrow, so I have had to haul arse and start to get back into some kind of routine...uniform and shoes ready, schedules printed, books ready, sleep/wake pattern slowly re-established.

Anyway, heres a little recap of what we have covered so far!  Click the LINKS to see what I'm talking about, if you haven't been follow OR for a refresher, if you have!

Day 1 - I Released 2018

Day 2 - Making Magik 2019

Day 3 - Finding My Purpose

And now here we are at Day 4 - Talents + Virtues + Purpose!

What are your talents?

Ok so I'm just going to put it out there that I find this question incredibly difficult. I really don't do well speaking myself up. I think its because I really dislike those who are 'egotistical' (you know those that have their heads so far up their own arse they can't see anything or anyone around them) and a question such as this one means tapping into that place. But, as the point of this is stripping back the layers, here goes...I also totally get that there is an element of ego needed in order to succeed in business...I guess there is a fine line though hey, between selling oneself and selling that which you can provide.

*I am a quick learner

*I am musical (sing & play guitar, dabble on other instruments)

*I am empathic and compassionate

*I am creative/artistic

*I am good at organising things whether that be events or clutter

*I am strong willed (some may say stubborn)

*I can express myself in words

*I have a Certificate of Aromatherapy, Nutrition, & Shiatsu and a Mastership of Reiki.

*I have a Diploma of Remedial Massage and am passionate about using my skill to help others.

*I can make a mountain out of a molehill...so I know normally this is a negative saying and yes I do have a tendency to also veer on that side of things, but I think of the saying more in terms of the ability to make a little stretch. For example. Money! Its amazing how one can survive, thrieve (depending upon your interpretation of the word) with minimal income.

What are your values?

Here's just a few off the top of my head.  I am sure that if I took extra time to really ponder and analyse, that I could come up with more.

*I strongly believe that good manners and good moral standards cost nothing and yet get you a long way in life.

*I believe a warm friendly smile, a firm welcoming handshake and an embracing hug are invalable gestures to share.

*I believe that perfection is a state of mind although still something worth striving for.

*I believe that being true to who you really are is a very important life process.

*I believe in keeping it real, in not hiding your emotions, in showing your truth as you see it.

*I believe in being open minded, and in the willingness to learn new things.

*I believe that knowledge is not power, the way that knowledge is applied in order to obtain wisdom is!

*I believe that respect is not given based purely upon age or status, but something that is earnt. This does not mean however, that rudeness is acceptable until that has been achieved.

*I believe in honesty at all costs as the truth always comes out in the end...integrity!

*I believe that everybody makes mistakes but its how you own them and work to amend them that really matters. I believe in second chances.

*I believe that if it serves to protect yourself and those you love, cutting toxic people from your life is of paramount importance.

*I believe that a positive attitude and an optimistic outlook sure beats the alternative of bleakness.

*I believe that you don't always have to agree in order to get along, but you must find a mutual ground where you can agree to disagree.

What is your purpose?

WOW, what a question!

I believe it is sharing my talents with others, to work towards making a positive change in the world.

What are your current career fantasies?

I want to have a career that helps others to feel whole, to feel truly connected to who they are, to be healthy on all levels mind, body and soul.  To be the lighthouse in their lives...corny hey!

How do these align with your values, your talents and your health/wellness intentions?

I believe that for the most part who I am and what I stand for are all in alignment.

As I have mentioned previously though, giving up smoking and getting myself back to that place that radiates health (albeit a sterotypical image) is high on the agenda so that I actually feel as though I am walking the talk!

What are your personal intentions?

I want to live in a way that I would be proud of my boys to follow in the same footsteps...to lead by example!

What are your professional intentions?

To share my knowledge, experiences and wisdom with others, so that it may lead them to realising their truest potentional.

What are your philanthropic intentions?

Hmmm another tricky question...let me see!

*I guess the biggest one is the fact that I am an organ donor. I know that right now that doesn't mean much, but hopefully when my time of this earth comes to end, it will make a huge difference in someones life.

*I plan to donate massage vouchers to local fundraisers. I struggle with this a little as on one hand it is also for personal gain, in the sense that it advertises my business. In saying that however, it is not purely about gaining anything but also giving and supporting.

*I would like to give of my time to a worthwhile cause. When I was on the Relay For Life committee, I felt a real sense of purpose, a part of something worthwhile. I want to feel that again, to feel as though I am helping to make a difference.

*I would like to look at donating blood this year. In the past I haven't been able to due to a blood disorder, but I haven't enquired recently and maybe things have changed...since my tonsillectomy my immunity has improved so maybe it will be possible?!

*I plan to continue to pick up rubbish when I am out and about, rather than just walking past it.

*I plan to repurpose and reduce waste.

Well, thats about all I can think of at this stage, thanks heaps for reading. Be sure to stay tuned xo

Read more "Talents, Virtues, Purpose 2019"

Finding MY purpose...

Day 3's questions posted by Sonja relate to digging deep benealth the "layers of fears and unworthiness", peeling back the layers, being completely honest and real and revealing my true purpose. 

Let the paint stripping process begin!

How do you enjoy spending your free time?

*In nature!  Whether that be pottering in my garden or out in the middle of the bush beside a river bank watching the ripples form and rocks be tumbled.  Or sitting in my back yard beneath our glorious oak tree just listening to the rustle of the leaves in the breeze. Or at the ocean with my feet buried deep into the sand as I watch the waves ebb and flow.

*Reading!  In winter I find so much comfort in being snuggled up in a comfy chair with a good book and cup of herbal tea or hot chocolate!  In the warmer months, laying back in my hammock under the shade of a beautiful tree with a glass of moscato feels my cup immensly.

*Being creative!  Playing my guitar and writing songs and poetry.  Painting/Drawing, making Jewellery, Crocheting/Knitting...anything that makes me feel as though I am creating something beautiful and worthwhile to leave behind.

*Spending quality time with family/friends!  Quality to me is devoting real TIME to that person, not just a rushed visit, but one where we get to fully immerse ourselves in each others company.

*Simply being still and snuggling with my family!

If money wasn't a factor how would you choose to spend your time?

*I would pay for a years rent in advance, buy a 4WD, caravan and all camping essentials and I would pack up my family and tour this great land of ours for 12 months.

*After touring Australia, I would pay for another years rent in advance and tour the world, travelling to all those places that I have only ever seens images of.  I would want to truly experience life in that place...not just purely be a tourist!  First and foremost, I would take my family to NZ so we can immerse ourselves in the Maori culture.

Note:  If I am being completely honest and real here, as much as the lack of finances prevents this from happening, the biggest thing that holds me back is the fact that it means being away from my Mum for so long.  Problem solved...if money isn't an issue, I will pay for her to come with us!  Mind you, she wouldn't leave my Sister (understandably, as that is a factor for me also) and so her little family of four would have to come with us too...maybe in their own 4WD and van though.   Oooooh, another option could be to pay for their airfares to meet up with us in different locations every couple of months!

*Once travelling was out of my system, I would study (Naturopathy, Wholistic Counselling/Wellness Coaching to name a few), write/play/record music, volunteer my time helping somewhere I was truly needed.

When do you feel most ALIVE?

WOW what a tricky question!

I have certainly known I was alive on those days when I would finish training and my heart would be beating at a 100 miles per hour and my blood would be pumping around my body ultra fast LOL!

Seriously though, there are so many different moments that I can recall where I have felt truly alive...

*Moments during motherhood where I am truly and deeply engaged with my awesome boys.

*Work days when I fel like I have deeply connected and made a difference in a clients life.

*Time spent with friends where I have been deeply engrossed in meaningful conversation.

*Times where I have performed my original songs for a small intimate gathering.

Reflecting up on those moments, I believe that I feel most alive when I feel as though I have given something unique of myself to someone, and made a positive and lasting impact upon them.

What are the last five instragram profiles you followed?

1.  Kat John

2.  Rebecca Campbell

3.  Keto And low carb online shop

4.  Tribe Skincare

5.  The Healthy Mummy

What do you LOVE to talk about?

Honestly, I LOVE talking with people about their faith, whether than be religious or spirtual or a combination of both like my own. 

I also LOVE talking about peoples fears, passions, likes/dislikes, what moves them, what makes them tick...all of the types of questions that have been answered in the last couple of blogs.  

What could you talk about ALL day, everyday?

All of the above!

Memories of my Dad!

What are the last five books you bought? Have you read them all?

The last five books I have bought myself are all text books for school and so yes I have read them all.  I won't list all five, but I will share the two that I enjoyed reading most:

1.  Lindlahr, H. (2010). Nature cure. Miami, FL: Hardpress Publishing.

2.  Beinfield, H & Korngold, E. (1991). Between Heaven and Earth a guide to Chinese Medicine. New York: Ballantine Wellspring.

In regards to books just for personal pleasure, these have all been gifted to me.

1.  The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Manson.  I got this from my Brother In Law as a Kris Kringle present.  As yet I haven't read it.

2.  Light Is The New Black by Rebecca Campbell.  This was a gift from my Sister and sadly I have not read it in its in entirity as yet.  I plan to change that by the end of this month.

3.  Rise Sister Rise by Rebecca Campbell.  As per above, my sister gifted me with this book last year for my birthday, I am still yet to read it.

4.  The Spy by Paulo Coelho.  Mum got me this one and yes I have read it, and like all of Paulo's books, I absolutely loved it!  Oooh that reminds me, I will be spoiling myself and purchasing his new book Hippie.

5.  Working Class Boy by Jimmy Barnes.  My Mum gave me this one for my birthday last year and as yet I haven't read it as I really want to have the sequel on hand first.

Read more "Finding MY purpose..."

Making Magik 2019

The lovely Sonja posed some more questions related to manifesting some self-care for 2019...here goes my answers!

How much relaxation/rest time do you need/want? 

Ok so lets talk SLEEP to start off with. I really want to get more sleep in 2019!  

In order to achieve this, I plan to set the intent of a weekly curfew. I have tried this previously and stuck to it sporadically, but I feel it is something that is ultra important for me to implement consistently. As ideal as a curfew of 10pm - 11pm would be, I am going to be realistic and say "lights out and electronics OFF" by midnight! Yes, ELECTRONICS included which means NO TV, eeekkk!  Some of you are probably thinking "Whoa! Thats late!", and it is, however, it is much earlier than the usual 2am.  

What am I doing up until 2am?  I guess the biggest reason for this is my need to have everything in its place before stopping and resting, you know the washing up to date, the kids school clothes and lunches organised for the day ahead, a million and one other things that realistically can wait.  Let's face it, if its not done before I go to bed the world isn't going to end right? 

Another reason would be study!  This one I am mentally having a little trouble navigating as working days really only means I have nights or weekends to do it and I like leaving my weekends free for my family.   In saying that, I do plan on keeping my Tuesdays as NO WORK days, which means it could be a study day, however, I also want to keep it open to be able to help my sister if she needs it.  Hmmm anyway, I know that having more sleep will assist with productivity so it is more a matter of utilising my time more effectively.  Oh and as a side note, the past two years I have been up until midnight waiting for the results to be released. I really do not need to do this, they will still be there in the morning and considering I've waited 17 days already, whats one more! 

*More Sleep:  Sunday - Thursday curfew of Midnight.  Lights out and all electronics off!

Now onto the relaxation/rest side of things.  I want as much as I can possibly get and still be financially stable!  

These school holdiays I feel as though I haven't scheduled myself enough of a proper work break and I am seriously feeling it! I have had, and do have more days off scheduled but its been sporadic eg. day off today, work again tomorrow and the next day before another couple of days off and so on and so forth.  What I really need, what I want is to have a minimum of an entire week off work!

Why haven't I?  As I listed in my 'release 2018' post, I have a tendency to put others before myself so not to let them down.  As I had time off in July due to going Tasmania, and then time off again in August due to getting sick and recovering from my nose operation, I feel as though I would be letting down my clients if I had more time off again.  Mind you, by not doing so it means that my family misses out on a family holiday.  Oh golly, its always so hard to pleease everybody!  I guess there is that fear also, that if I were to let people down they might get fed up and go elsewhere which could mean less financial stability.  Anyway here is my plan...

*Scheduled Time Off Work:  One week of each of the school holidays throughout the year, and two weeks of the summer school holidays.  Also no work on public holidays!

Oooh something else I really feel I need/want IS a monthly 'lazy' stay in bed and do nothing but watch netflix day!  Perhaps day two of my moontime would be the perfect day for this, afterall the Native Americans have a Moon Lodge for that very purpose!  

*One lazy day per month!

What are your Health & Wellness Goals? 

First and foremost I need to be prophylatic mascestomy operation and recovery ready by the end of this year!  When the oncologist booked me in, she said that the waiting list was approximately 18 months, so I am estimating that the operation will be in May/June 2020.  Mind you, in saying that I have my first appointment on Tuesday 15th January 2019, to get the ball rolling, so it could be earier!

So what exactly does this mean in relation to my health and wellness goals?

As much as I have made peace with my weight, in order to be considered 'healthy' enough for the operation, I NEED to lose weight!  How much?  Well, if we go by the BMI it says for my height of 172cm, I need to be between 53.5kgs and 71kg.  Given that as of today I am 92.4kg, that means a minimum loss of 21.4kg.  To be completely honest with you, I think the BMI weight is unrealistic.  Yes I have been there before and so it is totally achieveable, but I also know that me, striving for such would be the complete opposite of 'healthy'.  Perhaps I'm not giving myself enough credit not to go off the rails, but you know that saying 'once an addict, always an addict!", it was quoted for a reason!  This is me being a realist!

So how much do I WANT to lose?  Whilst I'm content where I am (so much so I wore a bikini to the beach last week because I liked it and quite honestly if someone didn't like what they saw then they could look the heck away!), I would probably feel more comfortable in some of my clothes and lets face it, be healthier around the 80 - 85kg mark.  So, thats what?  Hmmm, lets say 10kgs, and anything else is a bonus!

*To Loose 10 kilos!

It is all very well and good to state that I want to lose weight, but that alone won't make it happen!  

Here's the plan:

Movement...

*Tuesday evenings - Bootscooting

*Thursday evenings - Water Dancing (aka Water Aerobics)

*Evening bike ride/walk Monday & Wednesday

*Gym training - I don't really have any exact goals for this one, to be completely honest I'm in a something is better than nothing frame of mind and so even if I manage to do a workout once per week, I would be happy with that.  If I were to go gung-ho, a minimum of 3 workouts per week would be ideal.

Nutrition...

*Eat Clean

*No Skipping Meals

*Reduce/Eliminate processed sugar

Confession Time:  For January 2019, this is not really high on my 'HAVE to do' radar.  Come February however, when school goes back and life is back to what I consider normal routine, then that will change.  In saying that though, it doesn't mean I am being a gluttonous sloth, it simply means I am in a 'relaxed mode'!

Actually thinking about it, I may be consuming food, but not a great deal is staying in...REMINDER TO SELF - Book a lapband appointment and double check it hasn't slipped!  Might not be a bad idea to have some fluid taken out either!

On the wellness side of things my goals are:
*Meditate every morning and night
*Spend time daily doing stretching
*Consciously practice mindfulness...the art of being fully present in each moment that is 'now'.
*Continue my affirmations
*Book myself in for monthly massages/body work
*Read books that interest me...NOT text books

Which relationships do you intend to devote more love, energy & quality time to? 

The first answer IS and always will be MY FAMILY!

*Proper date night with my husband once every 3 months!

Whilst we get alone time together on a fortnightly basis when the boys are at their Dads, most of the time we end up pottering around the house/garden and/or lazying around doing not much of anything.  As much as neither of us are huge socialites, I really think it would be nice to actually go out and make memories together...outside of the confines of our home!  

I am ultra excited that on the 2nd of Feburary we are going to the wedding of Marks cousin and so we have organised a baby sitter (the boys Dad didn't want to 'babysit' them on his birthday weekend - seriously he's a total selfish wanker sometimes), and booked the Queen Spa Suite for the night - Oooh la la la!

*More quality time with the boys!

I'm not sure how the conversation started but on NYE Jazz came out with the fact that he had never riden a camel and that he wanted to...SO, the first family wishlist item for 2019 is Camel Riding!  The whole 'IN EGYPT' part of the wish is something that may be a little trickier to manage LOL!  Before THAT can happen I need to finalise my Australian Citizenship...so close, just need the money to do it AND then get all four of us passports, again it comes down to money!

I would also really love to take them to watch a musical theatre show, or live production of some sort - like a musical concert!

*Make more memories with my extended family!

It is so sad to think that weeks and months can fly by without us making the effort to catch up, before I know it the kids will be teenagers and I will have missed all the exciting stages of their lives - not to say teenagers aren't exciting LOL.  Ideally I'd love to organise a monthly family dinner, but realistically every 2 months to just catch up and hang out with each other would be wonderful.

*Friendships - more catch ups!

This year I plan to make the effort to catch up with those friends I didn't manage to see in 2018.  I always feel so bad that I say I would love to catch up, but then it doesn't happen.  Admittedly, its a two way street but its time to actually show those people how much they really mean to me by making more of an effort and actually investing my time into nurturing the friendship.  I know that with work, study and a once a month limitation (which is something else I need to work on viewing differently and perhaps even adding to this list.  Mind you, until I know that the whole saga is completely over, self protection and preservation is paramount...cryptic I know, if you want to know what I'm talking about shoot me a message) it can be tricky to juggle it all.

Under the same heading, is nurturing the friendships that the boys have.  It's great that they have a close circle of friends they see at school and one or two that come here regulary, but I would really love for them to have a close circle and an extended one.

Are there any talents/gifts/hobbies you want to develop?

*Learn to play the piano
*Spend more time playing the guitar and learning new songs
*Set up vegetable, herb and salad gardens
*Make some herbal therapeutic preparations eg. creams, ointments, syrups

Personal interests to explore?

*I'd really like to attend at least one linedancing social event.

Courses/classes you'd like to take?

*Line Dancing/Water Aerobics
*My main focus is completeing my third and final year of my Bachelors Degree in Complementary Medicine, however there are lots of other courses I would love to do eg. Medicinal Cannabis certificate course.

Any upgrades to your home/office?

*New bed...King Size
*Shuffle around the lounge room/sitting room, so that we can create one big gaming room for the boys rather than them taking up two spaces.

Any people in your life who you want to help?

*I want to increase my massage client base by 5 - 10 people this year (regular and rotating).
*I will continue to help fellow uni students, as we are all working towards the same goal of completing the degree.
*I think it goes without saying that I want to help those that I love and care about in anyway that I can.

Any charities to support?

*Young Pink Sisters - A non for profit charity organisation that raises money for young women with breast cancer in Australia (diagnosed under the age of 50 and Australian citizens) to help pay for their medical treatment and associated costs.

Read more "Making Magik 2019"

I released 2018...

During yesterdays roadtrip I used the time to 'Release 2018' by answering a few questions posed by the lovely Sonja of Sonja Ljavroska - Balanced Health and Wellness.

The best things that happened in my life in 2018 include:

*Marrying my sweet man (seriously so blessed, how did I get to be so bloody lucky)!

*Bonding with my Sister (& nephew)
*Successfully completing my 2nd year of university (whoo hoo only 1 year of 'this' degree to go)!

*Watching my son breeze through his first year of high school despite his challenges (we also found out he will have an aide all throughout highschool - bonus)!

The toughest things that happened in my life in 2018 include:

*My Sister being diagnosed with breast cancer and not being able to help as much as I would of liked. 

*Waiting on the diagnostic results of my own lumpy bits. 

*Pneumonia and Nose Operation 

*Our fridge breaking down and not having it fixed for several weeks (bar fridge was a saviour but doesn't fit much LOL)!

*Water leak drama.

The lessons I learnt about myself and life this year include:

*My body heals much quicker now that my tonsils are removed, although I need to allow it time to rest and recover.

*Loving yourself is way better than torturing yourself. 

*I worry way too much about not letting other people down. 

*When it comes to the big C, my optimism is tarnished.
*I miss photography (although not the associated stress of major shoots)!

This year I discovered I really want:

*My boys to stay in high school for as long as possible. 

*Balance (work, study, family, friends)

*To start training again

What I need to let go of to live the way I REALLY want include:

*My addiction to cigarettes 

*Putting my own desires on hold to please others. 

*My need for everything to be OCD ordered 

*Overthinking and analysing

The experience, transformation, or accomplishment I am most proud of in 2018 is:
*Organising a wedding in 8 weeks without any bridezilla moments!

My favourite memories from 2018 include:

*Family camping trip off the grid in the Aussie bush for 2 weeks. 

*Our wedding day

*Family holiday to Tasmania 

*Line dancing with my hubby 

*Snuggle time with my boys 

*Catch ups with friends (movies, water dancing, pub, visits)

Note:  I actually found some of these quite challenging to answer.  I'm sure that if I were to ponder them for longer I would come up with more...but there I go with the over analysing and over thinking.

Read more "I released 2018..."