Change 5 - New Friendship / Relationship...

NEW FRIENDSHIP / RELATIONSHIP...

On the 25th of October after attending a charity event with a friend we decided to head down to the local where we met up with a few girlfriends.  I had a few shots and danced to some tunes by the amazing cover band 'Shameless'.  During the night one of my friends introduced us to this guy and I was polite and said Hi.

Me, Bec (the one who introduced us) & Sarah

Anyway come the end of the night everyone congregated out the front of the pub just yakking as you do, not wanting the night to end.

The guy that we had met briefly inside was unchaining his pushbike and the friend that was with me decided she wanted to have a ride.  So, I went up introduced myself again and asked if my friend could ride his bike.  He said yes, she rode the bike - her first ever push bike ride - in high heels of course, drunk, with him running beside her and me squealing saying to be careful - it was hilariously fun.

The bike guy and my friend on his bike...

So after that we all got chatting.  My first question to the bike guy was 'Are you gay?'...easy mistake, he was wearing a purple shirt and a matching baseball cap on backwards and very polite and a bit shy...not at all like the local lads.  He said NO, laughed and told us he had 6 kids all to the same woman but they had recently separated. Our reponse was ofcourse 'WOW, 6 kids!'.  There was more conversation but in all honesty I didn't really pay much attention as another group was talking about heading to another pub to see if it was open.  We all ended up joining them as it was on our way home anyway.

On our walk up there my friend (the same one who rode the bike) decided she wanted a kebab but none of us could be arsed walking up the street again to the van SO the guy on the bike  (I couldn't remember his name even though he had told me when I introduced myself) took off down the street to see if it was open - a knight on a well...push bike LOL...it wasn't and neither was the other pub.

After some more chit chatting, taxi hailing and procrastination we (myself, and two other friends) started stumbling back to my place.  The guy on the bike said he was headed in the same direction so we let him walk with us and continued chatting.

We only got about 200 meters before the girls decided they needed to pee and were hungry.  One walked through the Maccas drive through and the other headed to Apco and here was I trying to figure out which one to keep my eye on and round up first.  I ended up sending the guy on the bike after the Maccas one and told him to met me in Apco.  Oh the poor Apco man LOL...we all used his loo, brought all his dim sims and potato cakes and he even let my friend have a cute little owl teddy.  So funny.

The Owl Teddy was something like this...

Then it was time to start stumbling home again.

We had noticed earlier that his creepy dude that was really rude and obnoxious at the pub was walking behind us and seemed like every time we stopped he stopped so when we reached the turn off for the bike guy to head home he asked if he could walk us all the way home...I was thankful for the offer and so we walked and chatted some more.  Again I have no idea what we chatted about as I was more concerned about getting home and a little preoccupied making sure my friends were OK.  One of my friends had told me along the way how good the bike dude smelt and that she was tempted to kiss him...it didn't happen as I know it went against what she believed in and she was way too drunk to be thinking straight.

Anyway we got to my front gate, the creepy guy kept walking and we all chatted out the front for a bit longer adding the bike guy...his name was Mark, on Facebook.  We gave hugs said thanks for walking us home, spoke briefly about catching up another time and said goodnight.

As my friends lived at different ends of town I didn't feel comfortable with them catching a cab on their own (we had all had a bit to drink) so I woke up my Uncle and asked if he would be our taxi...I am so thankful for him doing that for us.

A few days later I got a PM from Mark complimenting me on taking such good care of my friends and of course cheekily asking how the all girls after party went.  I was polite and replied but life at that stage was crazy with work and family life not being all that great so I didn't engage in long winded conversation.  Anyway he messaged a few more times over the week and again I was short but polite in my replies.  Then one night he messaged and we ended up chatting for ages, and from there a suggestion to catch up for coffee one day was made, which we did.

Over a few weeks we would message and catch up when life allowed and we would talk and talk and talk for hours about his life story, my life story, hopes, fears and so on.  He was so open and honest and non judge mental when I shared my stories although in comparison I really felt I had nothing to complain about.

His life had basically been turned upside down.  His marriage of 15 years had ended and like my relationship with Glenn it did have some good parts, well obviously if they had 6 kids together although he did say that he felt that each additional child would help strengthen their relationship which worked for a little while but then reality kicked in. However, in the end he described it as them being 'toxic' for each other and him being incredibly unhappy to the point of having depression but trying to make it work for the sake of the kids.  DHS had become involved before they separated however it wasn't until after they separated that the shit really hit the fan and the 5 youngest were taken into DHS care with the eldest following short after.  Although they were taken out of the mothers care, Mark wasn't able to care for them due to not having a proper place to live and also because of a mistake he had made in the past and the fact that he had previously already been a part of DHS being involved.  So anyway, at that time they were still having a family contact with all the children once a week and he was also getting to spend time with some of them for an hour on their own.  His plan at that stage (well the plan his ex had come up with anyway) was that he would try to fight to get back the 3 older kids and the mother would get back the three younger ones.

Anyway long story short (and there is so much more to this story that I haven't mentioned but as court is still going I felt I'd better not share too much), we certainly didn't jump into a relationship straight away although from the outside looking in it does look like that, however I was in a relationship that was falling apart and didn't want to make the same mistakes twice and despite the fact that there were obviously 'feelings' being developed between Mark and I,  I was very upfront with Mark about not being ready for my life to be turned upside down anymore than it was and definitely not ready to be a step mother to 6 kid involved with DHS as my kids were my top priority.  I loved being in his company but I really just needed a friend.

Us in the early days....

So sad but happy in each others company.

Our saying became "Second by second, minute by minute, day by day"...

When the time came however that my relationship had been over for a few months and his contact with his kids increased and was looking like their plan would come into fruition, our friendship had reached a point that walking away was a difficult thing to face and so on the 13th of March 2015, we decided to officially give it a go.

Top:  Mark's way of asking me to be his girlfriend...

Bottom:  Me agreeing...

I am not going to sugar coat anything here, there have been times that life has been absolutely shit for one reason or another; a narcissistic ex wife, kids that don't respect their father because of being shared information they should not of been shared, behaviours displayed that children should not be displaying, our lives being turned upside down with hectic schedules and additional chaos in trying to make it so that Mark could continue a relationship with his children, court cases one after the other and still ongoing in an attempt to get full custody of his daughter and, extremely hard being decisions made.

There have been times when its all gotten too much for me to handle and I have considered walking away but I have stayed because the love that Mark and I share for each other has just grown stronger and stronger despite all the things that could of torn us apart.

A few blog posts ago I mentioned some reservations I had in moving forward with Mark, his decision to no longer have any contact with his boys is one of them.  As someone who puts her kids first it is really hard for me to understand how he choose do to that.  Despite us both agreeing that having them come into our home was no longer an option until behaviours drastically changed which, let's face it is not going to happen whilst ever they are spending the majority of the time in an environment where they are allowed and sadly,  encouraged to continue with behaviour that both Mark and I feel is not at all appropriate and detrimental to the well being of the two boys in our full time care - yes, I put my children first.  In true Mark and Tash fashion we spoke about it for hours and a suggestion was made that Mark have contact with his boys outside of our family home.  Mark however for his own personal reasons which are not mine to share, chose not to.  Regardless of it not being something I would do, I support him and can understand how he came to the decisions that he did - it certainly did not come easily to him.

Another reservation I had, was the whole not wanting to move forward until we had some clear direction about what was going to happen with the court case and to just live in limbo until then.   Although, as much as we are fighting for it to happen we have both also reached a place where we would be happy for her to stay in foster care where she is loved and safe - that is our number one concern.

After conversations with our counsellors and then the adjournment of court, we both realised that pausing our life was more detrimental for us, than not.

And then there was me being worried about others not yet being truly happy...OK, I will just say it, I was worried about Glenn.  But again, it is no longer my place to try and make him happy - that decision is his and his alone just as it is up to me to do what makes me happy.

So here we are almost two years since meeting each other and what a roller coaster of a ride it has been full of many twists, turns and changes!