Happiness Self Check...

So earlier today I spewed out a whole list of 'shit' that is playing on my mind...

*Spraining my knee and ankle by going A over T on a puddle of water from my son's nudie run after his bath.  Which now has me hobbling and giving one legged massages, when I'm not icing, elevating, strapping and resting that is.

*The fact that my house isn't perfectly clean the way I like it to be, although my sweet man is getting on top of that as I type.

*Being worried about my little mans upcoming surgery on Wednesday 22nd November, to have his tonsils removed and dealing with his fear associated with that.  As well as, trying to figure out how to juggle work, upcoming exams and ensuring that I am present for him and ofcourse hoping he is well enough to be able to do all the scheduled end of grade 6 activities.

*Did I mention exams...omgoodness stressful, one on Monday 27th November and the other on Wednesday 29th November, on top of having to still do work on another subject.  Never, ever again will I take on 3 subjects at once - its just pure maddness!

*Finances are a huge stress for me at this of year as on top of Christmas there is also the added pressure of school stuff, and this year, just like last year that means a $1000 laptop.  Why oh why do they insist on everything needing to be paid early in Decemeber?

*Oh and ofcourse there is court which has been a bane of contention for quite a while.  Thankfully however, despite utter fuckwits trying their hardest to adjourn proceeding, the contest is infact over!  Now, we wait on the final outcome which will be given on the 19th of Decemeber. 

Despite all this stuff, which you would think would have me sitting in the corner rocking back and forth, I am still smiling :).  As crappy as that list may appear, it could all be so much worse!  Infact, I know that I have experienced and survived worse times than now.  I have so many positives that I can focus upon, and so many things that fill my cup with gratitdue.

Anyway it got me thinking...

Whenever I feel like things in my life aren't quite going the way I want them to OR if I feel that things need to be changed OR shaken up a little...I ask myself this question!  

What do I need to do in my life NOW in order to be HAPPY on all levels?

When I say all levels I mean physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and essentially - my WELLBEING overall - the biopsychosocial-spiritual aspects of my whole being!

There is a 'My Happiness Goals' post that has a list there, however August 22nd 2016 was my last update, which is a pretty good sign that things have been going well.

Anyway, since I was sitting here contemplating life whilst, I figured that today was as good a day as any to do a happiness self check and write a blog at the same time.

I've decided to use the previous list as my base and add or remove as I see fit.

❌ Not achieved
✔  Achieved
 Somewhere in between
*  New addition

MENTALLY

- Study (Update CEC's and PDP's and Expand Knowledge in field of interest)
✔  Study is a massive big tick!  I am currently doing three subjects and as at Jan 2018 will be able to say that my first year is done.  Whilst swapping into the Bachelor of Complementary Medicine was a hard decision to make, with everything that has been happening on the home front it was the best choice as its purely online.  I've decided to try and finish in the 3 year time frame but have the option of 6 if needed.  Once complete I will be 41% through the Naturopathy Degree so my plan at the moment is to do that too.  As we all know though, even the best laid plans change so for now I will focus on doing the best I can in this course.

With regards to the CEC's and PDP's there are a couple of things I am interested in doing, but unfortunately money is a major factor (and yep if I quit smoking that issue will be partly resolved) as is time.  I'm not ultra fussed about it though, if I decide that it's what I want to do, it will happen. 

- Read more
  When I wrote this I maybe should of been more specific about the kind of reading I meant.  As in, novels that inspire and allow me to escape reality as opposed to text books - which I've read plenty of lol. What I have done a couple of times though is listen to audiobooks on youtube.  Not only does it give my eyes a break but its also really medatative.  So there we go...I plan to listen to audiobooks more regularly.

- Stay to date with my business books
✔ 

- Get my finances in order
✔ This is a constant work in progress.

- Stick to a proper homework schedule for the boys
✔  Jazzy does his reading and book list everynight which he enjoys doing.  It's incredible to see how much he has grown academically in the past two years.  Admittedly he has his indivisualised learning plan and thankfully has funding approved for next year, but you certainly can't fault his efforts and persistance.  Ace on the other hand, well let's just say its a battle to get him to do any form of home work.  In all honesty since he was sick and hospitalised for 2 weeks in June, our focus has been on just getting him through each day of school.  He got a great report last term despite all his set backs and even got a certificate for his efforts in English, so that in itself is a great achievement for him.

- Blogging
  Well if you are reading this then you know posts have been few and far between.  Mind you, I don't really want to write just for the sake of posting a blog.  Although, I really do find it quite therapeutic - the whole getting it out of my head and onto paper is like a big release of 'stuff' that is scrambling my brain.  So, in saying that it is my hope to write more, even if it is just random ramblings.

PHYSICALLY

- Quit Smoking
❌  Still on the top of my priorities list and yet something that I still haven't managed to do.  'Why?  Why haven't I quit?  What is holding me back from doing so?'.  I've done it before so I know its achieveable.  I also know that the benefits, not only to my health (more energy, less toxins) but also my hip pocket will be well worth it (a saving of approx. $14,000 a year if both of us quit).  I have a champix script sitting in my purse ready to be filled but I am torn between using pharmaceutical tablets and dealing with the side effects and detox afterwards, or just biting the bullet and going cold turkey.  At the moment I'm still just thinking about it...which really is not achieving anything.  I also know that excuses such as the stress of court amoungst other things don't really cut it but perhaps the reality is I'm just not ready.  So, its still a work in progress and thats ok.  I'm not going to beat myself up about not achieving it yet, but come next year I'd love to see it with a big tick!

- Have my tonsils removed
✔ Done and dusted and as much as it frigging hurt it was so worth it.  Whilst my immunity still has a little ways to go, my health this year in comparrision to last year and the year before that, is heaps better.  As an example, I've only had two lots of antibitoics this year as opposed to monthly injections and orals in between for the past couple of years.  Oh and I have only had one weeks dose of corticosteroids as opposed to ongoing long-term usage.

I've also been placed on the waiting list to have another op which will help open up my airways although the thought of going through recovery again is a bit daunting.

- Eat a healthy balanced diet
  I will be completely honest and say that my nutrition is probably sitting at 70/30 - the 70 being clean healthy nutritious food, the 30 obviously being crappy choices.  My goal is for this to be 85/15 which I think is realistic, achievable and attainable without being ultra restrictive.

- Lose weight
  So I know that being sick, not being able to train and being on corticosteriods for an extended amount of time didn't help.  But, if I was to say that was the only reason for me gaining weight, I'd only be shitting in both our back pockets.  The fact is, I stopped caring and become comfortable and complacent.  

A couple of months back I started to feel really uncomfortable in my own skin again.  So with my head down and tail between my legs went and got a lapband adjustment...a whole 4mls eeekkk.  Some days I can keep stuff in, on others it goes in and straight back up.  I was doing really well with smoothies for a while there but then I allowed life to get in the way and so they stopped, until today that is.  

Oh gosh, this is where I totally embarrass myself and tell you that my weight was in 'triple figures'!!!  OK so admittedly only just, but the reality of reaching that horrible zone I swore I would never again enter = sheer devastion!  I am changing that though...I am down 4kg and back in 'double figures'.  Mind you I have 15kg to lose to get back to my pre-loved up weight but I will get there, slowly but surely.

- Exercise (min. 5 x per week)
❌  I'm giving myself a cross for this because consistency has been lacking and laziness has been abundant.  Whilst I've had valid reasons for not going all out crazy, Ive also made excuses not to do that which I could.  I remember how much I missed training when I first had to give it up and how much I was eager to get started again and yet here I am struggling to find my mojo, when I know that I enjoy doing it.  That feeling of empowerment is what I am focusing on to get me up and out there so that eventually I will be back at the level of fitness I worked fucking hard to achieve.  Maybe me feeling like I have regressed so much is a mental roadblock for me?  Hmmm, I think I just have to think of it as a brand new start and forgive myself for no longer being where I want to be.  So with that said, I am making a promise to myself to move my fat arse everyday...even just to do a slow slumpy stroll around the block.

- Strethcing Routine (once per week)
*  There was a time that I was as stretchy as gumby, but these days my muscles are so tight and sore that getting my leg behind my head seems like a distant memory.  I know that with regular exercise strethcing will be a given but I want to also take time out even just once a week to use my roller and really focus on getting my muscles soft, supple and loose again.

-  Body work (once a month)
*  Given that I am a remedial massage therapist and know how beneficial regular physical body maintainance is, you would think I'd ensure that I book in regularly to get my own treatment done.  But nope, until a couple of weeks ago I had not had a massage in over a year, despite struggling with a sore back for months that on occassion has given way and left me in tears.  The massage was amazing and I felt so much better for it.  So with that said, I am going to be booking in to have a regular fine tune once a month.

EMOTIONALLY

- Counselling sessions
✔  The last time I went I was told that I really didn't 'need' to be there as I am pretty good at being able to analyse myself LOL.  I like being able to just unload though, and its a plus to get the confirmation from a professional that my thoughts have been rationalised and processed well.  Mind you, Mark provides that for me anyway and as yet there hasn't been anything that I can't talk to him about, including the little tid bits that shit me about him.  Hahaha as in love with him as I am, lets keep it real yeah! 

- Proper direction with regards to Hosanna (my step daughter)....this is a very long story that instills lots of anger and frustration.
✔  As mentioned above, the contest is FINALLY over, now we just wait for the result!  O.M.G I cannot wait till that is over and done with.  So, I'm giving this a tick because we now have a monthly overnight contact schedule.  Whilst not without its dramas, it is working heaps better than the weekly, fortnightly contacts of the past.

SPIRTUALLY

- Feel connected again by increasing energy vibrations
✔  Uni and gardening have really helped in this area.  I do feel there is a deeper connection to be made, although I also don't want to lose my grounding.   I think I need to be more specific here in relation to what 'connected' means to me.  What do I want to feel connected to?  Myself, family, friends, community, universe?  Something to keep thinking about and probably all of those listed.

- Yoga & Meditation
❌  This is something I haven't been doing and really feel that it is what is missing from gaining the deeper connection to myself and the universe.  I will change that this week!

- Regular Massages
  See Physical.

- Daily Affirmations
✔  Every morning I tell myself 'I am feeling refreshed and vitalised and full of energy to get through the day'.  On those days that life is ultra crazy, my self talk is 'You've got this, you are amazing'.  I am certainly not saying that there aren't moments where I think 'f^#k!, how am I going to get through this?'.  But I am saying that for the most part having a positive outlook makes such a huge difference to my daily functioning.

ESSENTIALLY

- Have a clean, organised home inside and out
✔  I am actually pretty happy at how well we as a family have worked together to ensure that this has been achieved.  Not to say that everything is all perfectly in order all the time and I'm yet to attack Marks shed haha. 

- Routine and Consistency
✔  For the most part this has been kept, although we also need to keep things real and know that on occasion curve balls do happen, and its nice to be spontaneous once in a while too.

- Quality time with my family such as monthly outings and camping trips
  We haven't been camping or gone out anywhere really but our time together has been abundant and enjoyable.

- Monthly date nights with my man
✔  When I wrote this the idea was to actually leave the house however we are both as anti-social as each other and love our quiet pj nights at home.

- Monthly family dinners
❌  This didn't happen unfortunately for reasons that are all valid and unavoidable.  We have managed to catch up though and thats been special.  I'm hoping that this is something that I can tick off next time I do a self-check.

- Financial Security
  Not a yes, but also not a no.  We certainly are not swimming in excess cash but we make do, some weeks better than others.  I would love a steady client base of massage clients.  Unfortunately there has been lots going on to prevent that happening, but it will happen when I am ready to ask the universe to provide.    I would also like it so that I didn't have to stress so much about how to afford getting the boys everything they want for Christmas and paying school fees.

I often ask myself the question of 'If money wasn't an issue, what would you do?'

- I'd love to be able to say we are completely debt free.  Which realistically wouldn't take much, two years of saving our ciggie cash would do it and even give us a little extra to play with.

- I'd love to be able to buy our rural property and yet in saying that I love living where I am.  I also get worried about being further in debt.  It would be great as a weekend and holiday destination and also for retirement though.

- I'd love to be able to afford the things that we need but have been putting off getting because funds are needed more somewhere else.  Eg.  Cars serviced,  clothes line, camera repair.  Pretty short list really.

- I'd love to be able to go on a family holiday to New Zealand.  Which reminds me, I still need to finish my citzenship stuff and get a passport, get us all passports.

- I'd love to be able to get a 4WD.

- I'd love to be able to do up our camper and even upgrade to a bigger one for longer trips...like around Australia.  I keep saying that, but I won't do it because I don't want to leave Mum, but problem solved - she can come too.

Anyway back to reality...

So that's it really.   Funnily enough as mentioned in one of the other dot points, the last thing on my list could be assisted by doing the first thing on my list.  Hmmmm! 

And that's it for now.....pretty simple things really and so now its just a matter of working out a plan for how they can be achieved and most importantly putting that plan into action.