Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts

Saturday, February 21, 2026

Finding My Place

A reflection on living in my own rhythm, learning to accept myself, and finding home in the people and spaces that truly see me.

The morning light spills across our home, quiet and still, each corner holding the echoes of yesterday and the promise of today. I pause for a moment, preparing for the rhythm of our lives to unfold. Here, among the people I love and the spaces that hold our stories, I have found my place.


Embracing the Messy, Beautiful Realness

For too many years, I tried to fit inside perfection’s narrow lines. I tried to be the woman who had it all together - who didn’t stumble, didn’t falter, didn’t feel too much. What I’ve learned is that real beauty lives in the imperfect. Life is unpredictable, sometimes chaotic, and entirely mine to live.

I move through the world in my own rhythm - sometimes intense, sometimes quiet, sometimes scattered, often overthinking every step. I don’t always fit neatly into the spaces others expect me to. And yet, I have found where I belong. Not somewhere out there in the world, but here - in our home, among the people who see me, hear me, and accept me fully, even when they don’t always understand my way of doing, saying, or being.

Morning Light and Quiet Rhythms

Our mornings begin in layers. Everyone rises and leaves for work at different times, moving to their own internal clocks. Mark still wakes before their alarms, making sure they’re up on time and enjoying a steaming coffee before the hurried rush of the day begins. He plays taxi for those without a car, driving back and forth without complaint.

I am the 'not so' quiet foreman of everything at home - delegating, organising, finishing the small unnoticed tasks others don’t see or worry about, but that my mind insists must be done. It’s not glamorous work, but it is grounding. It anchors the day before it has even begun - done from a place of love, not obligation.

Afternoon Energy and Connection

By late afternoon, the house begins to hum again. Music reverberates through the walls from the driveway. Doors open. Footsteps echo down the hall. Dinner simmers. There is a promise in those hours - the promise of reconnection.

Then finally, we gather at the table, joining hands in prayer before sharing our meal. Stories are exchanged - small triumphs, frustrations, moments of humour, the ordinary details that make up a life. Afterward, we move like a well-rehearsed production line: dishes washed, benches wiped, bags packed, everything prepared for the next day. This - this coming together - is my favourite moment of our home.

We all cherish our own spaces. There are stretches of quiet where each of us disappears into separate rooms, separate worlds. And then, suddenly, we collide again - laughter spilling from the kitchen, a debate rising from the family room, teasing on the alfresco, joy, the occasional disagreement quickly resolved. Then, one by one, each of the kids comes by to say goodnight, wrapping us in hugs before retreating once again to their own corners. 

These moments - the stillness and the sudden life - are the heartbeat of our home.

Evening Stillness and Togetherness

Eventually, the house settles. It’s just Mark and me awake - him scrolling on his phone or tinkering away quietly, me lost in thought, studying, or writing. Our cats claim their places too: one curled with his head on the pillow beside me, the other stretched comfortably across Mark’s legs.

Mark and our children move to their own rhythms, and I to mine, yet together we create something harmonious. In the chaos, in the laughter, in the long conversations and the quiet evenings, I am seen. I am home.

Where We Gather

Some weekends stretch wider, reaching beyond our walls. Catching up with my mum, my sister and brother-in-law, the kids weaving in and out of activities and conversations. There’s something grounding about those gatherings - shared history sitting comfortably beside the present moment. I see echoes of childhood in the way my mum laughs, in the familiar rhythm of my sister’s voice. The generations overlap in conversation - not always easy, but real. Old stories resurface alongside new ones being written in real time. It reminds me that this home is not just built from bricks and routines, but from lineage - from love passed down, reshaped, and carried forward.

Most weekends, our home is alive. 

Mark is often outside working on cars with the boys, the bonnet lifted and hands greased, teaching without preaching - lessons shared between tools and tightened bolts. I am often lost in deep, meaning-filled conversations with whoever needs my counsel that day - heartbreak, uncertainty, dreams, doubts - the kettle boiling more than once as words and emotions spill freely. 

Friends gather into the early hours; stories are shared with animation, laughter rises, warmth and expression ripple through every corner - from the driveway to the kitchen and down the hallwayWe don’t plan it; it just happens. It’s organic. It’s us. 

Our home is where others gravitate. Not because it is perfect, but because it is open.

Because it holds space.

Guiding Wings, Finding Harmony

Parenting looks different now. Our children are young adults, learning to think for themselves and shape their own identities within the family unit. Mark and I no longer lead in the same way we once did. Now, our role is gentler - guiding, advising, encouraging growth, and fostering a kind of connected independence that keeps them rooted even as they stretch.

Because each of our children is unique, we adjust our approach - responding to their individual rhythms, patterns, and personalities. Some days it flows effortlessly, filled with connection and laughter. Other days, it feels like too much - the noise, the needs, the constant balancing act. And yet, even in the overwhelm, I wouldn’t change a thing. Every adjustment, every compromise, every effort shapes a family that is uniquely ours.

They are still learning and don’t have all the answers - and neither do we. But we carry the wisdom of our years. We know you can’t put an old head on young shoulders. All we can do is offer guidance that might make their path a little steadier; that they carry with them the morals and values that guide our own footsteps - steady, imperfect, but rooted in love.

I am the one who grounds everyone, and yet they steady and uplift me in return. I encourage them to reach for the stars, knowing it requires courage and outstretched wings. And if I’m honest, neither Mark nor I are ready to be empty nesters. Our dream is deeper than that - a space where we can all live and grow, separately but together, connected by love, rhythm, and shared ground.

Messy, Beautiful Realness

The smell of morning coffee. Sunlight spilling across the bedroom floor. Productivity drifting from the kitchen. The softness of a well-worn couch beneath my hand. Cats racing through the hallway in their evening zoomies. These small, ordinary details are what anchor me. They are what turn walls into home.

The way Mark brings me a cup of tea when I’ve been deep in thought for hours, or cracks a pun so quick it catches you off guard. The way our sons laugh at a joke no one else understands. The music blaring through the bathroom walls. The way our resident young woman shares stories from her day, filling our home with warmth and young feminine energy.

These are the moments that make it more than a house. They are the threads that weave it into something living.

It is here that I embrace the messy, beautiful realness of life - the highs and lows, the clarity and confusion, the small victories and the lessons that shape us. I realise now, perfection was never the goal. Belonging is. And in this home, threaded with generations past and present, I see the legacy of love continuing - a story we write together, moment by moment, breath by breath.

This is me. Not perfect. Not fully figured out. But growing, learning, living, loving - and finding my place in the family, in the home, and in the life I have built, exactly as it is.

Thanks for reading, and for letting me share a piece of my home and heart with you.

LLP, 
Tash xo

Friday, February 20, 2026

This is Me & This is Us

If my children ever read the posts within my blog one day, I want them to feel like they’re sitting beside me at home, where everything is in its place, where every corner is shaped by love and a life lived fully.


My name is Natasha.
But I’ve been many versions of her:

The girl who felt deeply.
The young woman who tried to hold everything together.
The one who broke quietly more than once.
The one who picked up the pieces and kept moving forward, believing in the words of Rocky Balboa: “It ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep movin' forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!”

I am a wife. Mark has been my best friend, my soulmate, since 2014, and my devoted husband since April 2018. He is my rock, my anchor, my light - even on the days when my laughter is purely contractual. I am his Deni-girl, and he is my sweet man: the King of our family, holding the steady heartbeat of our home.

I am a mother. We have our young men - two born to me, two chosen in love - and three incredible young women who have become part of the rhythm of our lives. One of them shares our home as her own, bringing her warmth and spirit into every corner of our lives. Together, we are a patchwork of love and laughter, of disagreements and reconciliations, of quiet moments and loud celebrations - all the messy, beautiful, real life in between.

I have known joy so full it felt like sunlight pouring through my entire being. I have known uncertainty that kept me awake all night. I have known love that steadied me. And fear, and loss, that reshaped me. All of it belongs here.

I am not writing these words because I have it all figured out. I am writing because I am walking it, moment by moment, feeling it all - the ups, the downs, and everything in between, from the small victories to the lessons learned along the way.

I want my children to know who I was becoming while they were growing - in the laughter, the disagreements, the long talks that stretched late into the night, the celebrations, and the ordinary moments that carried meaning. Behind every shared meal, every story told, every lesson learned together, was a woman still discovering herself.

I want them to know that family is not built on perfection, but on returning - returning to the table, returning after conflict, returning to each other again and again, even when the world feels unbearably loud. But returning is not a blind act. It asks us to listen to our hearts, to release our stubbornness, to weigh our courage against our boundaries, and to know when coming back heals - and when stepping away is the bravest choice.

And if you are reading this and are not my child, know that you are welcome here too. These words are for anyone who has loved deeply, stumbled quietly, risen again, and wondered if they were doing enough - for anyone seeking a little light in the midst of life’s shadows.

This is me.
This is us.
Imperfect. Growing. Becoming. Together.

For those struggling to fit into society’s labels of 'typical' perfection instead of embracing their own perfectly imperfect uniqueness, may these words remind you that your story, in all its messy, beautiful raw realness, matters.

Love, light, & peace, 
Tash xo

Monday, July 13, 2020

June 2020

Month 6 of 12...


Monday 1st

And just like that the seasons change!


I'm not a fan of the cold but, I do love snuggling under the blankets and getting warm and cosy.



Not only is today the first day of winter, it is also officially day 1 of my journey towards gaining my Naturopathic degree. I can't exactly say that I am ultra excited about it, but it is also not something I am dreading. Maybe it's because after three years of studying with the same group; my sanity sisters especially, I am now forging ahead alone. I am really going to miss them as I embark on this next phase, but I am so blessed to know that they will forever be a part of my life. Another part of my indifference could be the fact that I don't exactly feel ready to get back to the daily grind, and the stress of assessments. Nor am I excited about my subject of Medicinal Food Science. Oh well, hopefully throwing myself into study will stoke the fire again so the spark ignites.

Tuesday 2nd

Happy birthday to Uncle Geoff (Pa). I gave him a call today, he is safe and locked down in QLD. I really need to call more often, but to be honest I don't have a great deal to talk about. Nothing ultra exciting anyway, this blog is a testament of that!

I had a doctors appointment today via telehealth. It is so odd talking to the doctor over the phone and not face to face. I'm so glad that we have a good rapport as I think that makes things a little less awkward. Especially when you are calling to ask for more opiates; which were indeed prescribed via the script being faxed to the pharmacy.

Blackout Tuesday

Widespread protests erupted recently in unified action to open the worlds eyes to racial police brutality; in the hopes to eradicate white supremacy.




I stand in solidarity with the black lives matters movement but sadly agree with a quote I read saying "the fact that we need to clarify that anyone's lives matter, is concern enough". I mean its not the 1950s for frig sake, have we seriously gone backward as a civilization!?!


For those unwilling to stand in unison, and instead insist on using the argument that “all lives matter”, let me try to perauade you to be more open to change.

Let's take breast cancer awareness as an example.

Just because I am raising awareness for breast cancer, it doesn't mean I am saying that “ONLY breast cancer matters”.

If I was, I'd be saying my Mums bladder cancer was not important, my Dad's brain tumours didn't matter, and only my sisters diagnosis was valid enough for me to focus upon.

That is so wrong! What I am doing is simply shining the spotlight on that one particular area as a topic of focus; it is what needs attention right here and now.


Saying “black lives matter” isn’t saying that no other lives matters, ofcourse everyones lives matters! It is simply shining the spotlight on the truth, which is that black people are the overwhelming victims of racism and discrimination. And right now, they need you to open your eyes, so that a change can be made.

Anyway, thats my two cents worth. I will finish this topic with some lyrics from my song 'My Opinion'.

"If you cut me open I will bleed, just like everyone else does regardless of religion, colour, and creed. Yet this world we live in continues to divide, instead of just accepting with its arms open wide. Why can't we accept with our arms open wide". - Natasha Hurst

Wednesday 3rd

Working as a massage therapist means needing to keep my nails short, and as such I have 'long' nails envy. Not working however, means I can grow my nails.



It's been nice taking the time out to show some self love and give myself a manicure. I've also enjoyed painting my nails different colours.

Thursday 4th

I had a psychology appointment with Leah this afternoon via zoom. It's been good talking to her but I don't feel that I am as open as I have been in the past with Rowena; maybe its the meeting via computer screen thing. She has definitely helped to reduce the anxiety around the lumps in my breasts though. There was a time I was self checking constantly; yes even after the mastectomy. Talking it through led me to realise it was compulsive behaviour, which was curbed by setting boundaries e.g. only checking once a month.

Another thing, although not one that has an official diagnosis, is she believes I may be 'on the spectrum'. Nothing I had not already considered, but not something I feel needs to be officially labelled at the same time. I mean, everyone has their unique quirks, right!?! Besides, or will just be another thing for my Mum to give me shit about, she doesn't believe in Autism; apparently I just 'baby' my son. And there is the topic we should really address in therapy but alas, old dogs won't change, and at the end of the day, I just have to learn not let her get to me and hurt me. I wish I could ignore her venomous comments like Marketta does. Anyway enough of that, I digress...where was I?

The biggest thing I've gotten from our sessions is the 'naming it to tame it' line, which I am getting better at doing. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect.

My next appointment is not until mid July. I've got a few manuals on Health Anxiety to complete before the appointment, which will work through different cognitive behavioural questions.

Saturday 6th

We had a lovely visit with Jess and Andy today, it felt nice catching up with friends albeit ensuring social distance was maintained. I tell ya what though, once hugs are allowed again I'm going to be giving big squeezes.

Tuesday 9th 


Today is the first day back at school after the Covid-19 homeschooling stint; which definitely falls into the some weeks were better than others basket. I can't say it was easy, as to be honest it was full on with the boys needing us to constantly sit with them. There were moments however, that I found it to be very rewarding. I can definitely see how home schooling could be a beneficial option, our boys however are such socialites and thrive on the mateship.

Pic 1 - Smiles at the thought of catching up with mates.



Pic 2 - How they feel about going back to school. 



I'm hearing them! Kinda wishing I rolled with the option of keeping them home until term 3. But, I think that I would have mostly been appeasing my own paranoia, and I figured that was just prolonging the inevitable as its only 3 weeks until school holidays anyway (13 school days in total).

On a positive, I really haven't had much 'me time' to focus on recovery, so hopefully not sitting at the school table all day will mean my oedema will be better and I'll find my ankles again.



And while the boys were at school, this mumma did indeed rest!



While the furbabies sat and waited for their hooman bruvas to return....too cute!

Thursday 11th

Today Mark and I went to the local 'hippy' shop, where I purchased some Palo Santo, and mentally spent a fortune on crystals...oh how I wish I could just splurge!

A visit...

I also visited a beautiful friend (Renee) who was recently diagnosed with Breast Cancer. It was so good to see her; her beautiful smile and positivity was truly inspiring, as was the unity of her amazing family. 

If you are on facebook, Renee has started a page to document the journey HERE.

I won't share too much as I do not feel it is my place, however I will say that Renee also lost her Dad to cancer a few years back, and often when I read her posts in relation to him, I feel as though she is speaking my words. 

Sometimes life just does not seem fair!

Getting productive...



Once home I decided to get productive and fix the back screened door; replace flywire with holes and remove the cat door.



And since it was such a beautiful day, I put Mark to work doing the lawns.



It felt so good to be getting stuff done, especially to no longer have a jungle in the front yard.

Behind the wheel...

Then, that afternoon I drove for the first time since Febs op!

Although it was more of a have to than want to, as Mark was waiting on a call from the urologist, it feels good knowing I can jump behind the wheel again whenever I feel like it.



I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a little painful, but nothing I couldn't deal with.

Friday 12th

The boys had a curriculum day (yup short 3 day week) so Ace and his mate Zac put their time to good use and set the shed up as a bike workshop / hang out zone.



At the moment they are sharing the space with all the garage sale boxes, that I moved from over there to here (not a smart move on my part).

It is my plan to take pics and do another online sale, plus have a proper garage sale once allowed, so hopefully soon it will all be sold.



Despite sharing the room, they are pretty happy with the space and have set up electricals and heating. 



They did ask if they could sleep out there, but I told them that there will be plenty on time for that when they are in the doghouse. To which the response was "huh".



Saturday 13th

You know the saying right? What goes up, must come crashing down and landing in a huge heap of crappola!

In other words, todays not as good as the other couple of days!

It happens! And admittedly it may be partly due to the fact I am yet to find that sweet spot between not doing much, and doing way too much, hmmm!

Needless to say that if you are looking for me today, I shall be in found in bed with legs up, spaced out on some good meds that will hopefully see me manage to get some shut eye.

It is what it is! This too shall pass! Just sharing to keep it real!


Sunday 14th




Pretty much says it all really!

Wednesday 17th

Today is 12 weeks post op #3!

I spoke with my breast surgeon (Dr Anita Skandarajah) today and even though I have days where I struggle to get out of bed due to fatigue, pain and/or a mixture of both, I was assured that given the trauma my body has been through, made more complicated by three infections, I was indeed doing awesomely!

Oh, I asked about what went wrong with the LHS. She said that as well as the breast tissue being denser than they thought, and the lump growing in size since last MRI, my skin was ultra fragile.


Grafting on right thigh!

Left Foob!

Right Foob!

Thighs (Top = Left, Bottom = Right).

I am now able to start working on regaining upper body strength (yup starting with a whole half kilo - go me)!



First time skipping in yonks - this was not a great idea as I hurt like f#@^ afterwards. BUT it feels good knowing I can!



One of the biggest things I was reminded of by my team today, and something I definitely needed to hear is that everybodys journey is their own, each as unique as the person experiencing it. There is no one size fits all timeline for healing!

So even though I still have a long way to go, regardless of what each day presents, I will remind myself that it is what it is, and I've got this!



Something I haven't spoken of is how 'old' I am feeling. I mean, most days it literally feels like the life force has been sucked out of me. Admittedly, mentally the grey hair is not helping.



Regardless of this feeling however, I am so blessed to be given the privilege of seeing the beginning and end of each new day.

Thursday 18th

Soooo, this happened today!

Bye bye 'grey' with blue tinge!



Hello 'chocolate brown'!



It could just be the fact that the 'mop top' is tamed, but I think it helps make me look a little more lively.



I had a lovely visit from Neen this afternoon who gifted me with these gorgeous flowers. It was so good to catch up. Our friendship isn't what it once was, which if I'm honest, at times I miss. However, I think where we are now is a healthier place for us both.

Friday 19th

Happy Birthday to my baby boy Jazz - 15 years goes by in a flash! 



Be sure to see the birthday blog (which if not up yet will be done really soon)!

Sunday 21st

Today we had a family catch up day at Skeetz place in Torquay.

It was so good to just hang out together, and celebrate Jazz's birthday with them.



After lunch we went for a 2.5km walk. I love looking at peoples gardens; my favourite was one that was full of Australian Natives.



Along the way the kids got to play in the park.



Sadly, the day came to an end. But, not before breaking the social distance rule for a quick family selfie.



Mum looks funny because she moved in the previous picture and it was blurry, so she's being a statue in this one LOL.


As much as I'm okay with Iso life, I do miss giving my family big squeezer cuggles.

We catch up again in six weeks time, maybe we xan do cuddles then.


Monday 22nd

Well, I'm a uni dropout!

Okay, so its only for the online subject I was enrolled in, and I do plan to re-enrol again for Semester Two subjects in July.  BUT, I am going to start with subjects that get me excited, rather than induce a feeling of fear and dread!

Sunday 28th

They say that a change is as good as a holiday! And, since we are not going away anywhere for the school break, we changed the boys bedrooms around instead.

They look great, but I may possibly be absolutely buggered, and aching in muscles I forgot I had LOL, and the boys esp. Mark did all the heavy lifting, and moving from here to there and back again hehehe - go figure!

I have to say, having to rely on someone else is bloody frustrating, but I learnt my lesson after the shed.

Jazzs room

To be completely real with you, I had only planned on doing Jazzs room. Which, in comparison to Aces was quick and easy.





Aces room

When Ace saw that I'd done his brothers room, ofcourse he wanted his done. I was begrudged doing it, as I knew it would be no easy task; Ace likes to collect treasures, and has no rhyme nor reason to things. Jazz on the other hand is as ocd as myself *cue the odd couple theme song*. Given the fact that Ace had recently moved things around into a way that I did not quite like however, it was a good incentive to agree to take on the task.





Tuesday 30th


And here we go again FFS!


The past couple of days I've woken with a feeling of having razor blades in my throat, and have also been waking in the night due to coughing. Additionally, I've needed to use my ventolin way more than I like so off to the docs I went. Well, off to the clinic car park anyway, where Dr Apri came out and did her observations, and a covid-19 test with me sitting in the car.

I didn't find the test to be tha tg bad. Remembering though, that I used to have regular throat swabs because of the streph throat and severe tonsilitis. And, due to my nose operation, I've experienced swabs up the nostril; definitely not my favourite thing though, makes me want to sneeze.

The doc said the test is more a precautionary measure, just to be on the safe side, as she is leaning more towards pneumonia. We will know one way or the other in approx 3 days time. In the meantime, its lots of rest, prednisolone and no visitors allowed!

Even though I'm sure the result will be negative, its still quite a nerve wracking experience.

I've been retracing my steps of the past 14 days; Woodgrove and The Village for Jazz's birthday gifts. Skeetz place - oh god my heart sinks at the possibility of passing it onto them. As I mentioned earlier, even though we did not give each other a kiss or cuddle (something which is hard to do but a must to ensure safety), we broke the social distancing rule briefly for our family photo.

Then my mind goes to whose been to visit in the past 14 days; Mum, Glenn, Neen, James, Zac...

Fark! Anyway, no use going crazy over it, it will be what it will be, and we shall deal with whatever is when the time comes.



Oh remember those beautiful long nails of mine?  They are no more!



Not the best of pain jobs, but I've gotta say they feel nice being short again.

Okay so not to leave you hanging...

Thursday July 2nd

Great news, the Covid-19 test results were NEGATIVE!

On the not so great side, I'm still coughing up my lungs and struggling to breathe, despite preventers and regular ventolin. 



Hopefully the course of 'meds' and natural supps will knock it on its head!

Still much to be thankful for, and blessings are being counted!

Sunday, July 5, 2020

May 2020

Okay, so yet again I am chasing my tail and posting this a month and a bit later.  I guess on a plus, it beats six months late hey!  As per previous posts however, the tense may be written in past, present or perhaps even a  mix mash of both.

Saturday 2nd

Today, Mark woke up in immense pain.  Not long after, he started voilently vomitting.  Long story short, he was rushed to Ballarat Base Hospital in an ambulance and admitted for a suspected Bladder Infection, which had sent his blood sugar levels dangerously high.

To say that it was scary is an understatement.  How I managed to keep my cool is beyond me; inside I was a mess.  To be honest, I thought he was having a heart attack and I was going to lose him...I never want to experience that again!  

During the mad rush of saying goodbye, I forgot to give him his phone charger (which was in my pocket), and by 8.30pm that night his phone was on 39%, so sadly our communication was limited.

Sunday 3rd

Soooo, because Marks temperature would not go down they had to take the appropriate precautions and move him to an isolated room and test for Covid-19, "just to be on the safe side".

He said it was in the  brand spanking new area of the hospital so he wasn't complaining.  Meal trays were left on a chair near the door for him to collect and return when finished, and the nurses who entered the room did so only if dressed in correct protective gear.  Instead of using a button to call for the nurse, Mark would call them and speak over the phone (internal calls only) so they didn't need to come into the room unnecessarily.  Oh, they even taught him how to use the drip machine, for the same reason.


By 8.45am his  battery was down to 25%...and so I decided it was time to put out an SOS call on my socials.

Monday 4th

Today is a low mood, nil energy and high pain day. I had a telehealth appointment with one of my surgical team who have assured me that it is a normal part of the process on this long road.  He will book a proper appointment for two weeks time, just to be on the safe side.  Meanwhile, I just need to remember to breathe!


Anyways, thanks to now having a charger (huge thank you to the generosity of two awesome Ballarat friends (one arranged from Bendigo like seriously awesome) coming to the rescue just in the nick of time as he was down to 2%) I was able to face time my sweet man who despite being in his own hospital bed and still feeling poorly, was his crazy usual self and helped to make me feel better.


P.S. Thank you to Dannielle for the lovely presents that were dropped off for the boys and I.  They lifted our spirits and made us feel very loved.

Tuesday 5th

Guess whose swab came back as negative - No surprises really!

He was switched back to the ward, so can finally be treated properly.  Not that he received poor treatment,  it just wasn't for the right condition.

Anyway, another night without my sweet man at home. Oh boy I miss him like crazy.



Wednesday 6th

Whoo hoo,  found out this morning my sweet man can come home today! So bloody excited!


Now, I'm just waiting on Mum to finish work so she can come get me, so I can go get him.


Got him and now back home! 

I have to say, the boys were both amazing when my sweet man was in hospital.  I truly am very blessed.  Not only did they both set up camp in the room with me, they also really stepped up and helped with household chores from dishes, to washing and even cooking dinner; most of the time without being asked.


A beautiful surprise left on my door step.  Thank you so much, these were deeply appreciated.

Thursday 7th

Marketta made the local paper earlier this week, so proud of her.

I painted my nails pink in support!


Friday 8th

Given our circumstances this week, home schooling was pretty much neglected.  Instead, when not taking care of me, or doing household chores the boys were out in the backyard digging and building, aka making a bike track! 

Saturday 9th

We've been heading out for a walk every afternoon/evening; good way to get fresh air, Marks sugars down and my lymphatic fluid flowing to reduce the odema (aka cankles).

I have been loving the fact that I've been able to find garden cuttings.  We walk a different route each night to search for more gardens with goodies, which is a nice change of scenery.


Sunday 10th

Happy Mothers Day to all out there deserving of the title; biological, step, foster, male!  Especially to my Mum and my MIL.


I am sure I have said it before, but being a Mum is both the most challenging, and the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life! I feel so blessed to not only have the title, but to know that I have worked my arse off to ensure I've earnt the honour of being called such! I am so proud of my boys and feel so honoured that they chose me to be their Mum.

The boys spoilt me with some chocolates, a watering can plater, and a cup and saucer planter.  I cannot wait to put them to use, I'm thinking something for indoors.

Monday 11th

My fur babies are 12 weeks old today, wow four whole weeks of life  spent with us already...time has flown.



They have grown so much, but still my babies.  They pretty much just sleep, eat, poop and play on repeat.

Tuesday 12th



Covid-19 restrictions lifted today!

I know I have that said HERE that I am not coping with the change, but I have to say it again - I am not ready for the rat race to start.  I mean, I am struggling to get the rest I need with things the way they are, and they are heaps slower than what they will be when life is in full swing.  Maybe I just need to think of positives like umm, the kids going to school means rest time, and restrictions easing means we could possibly get someone to come and help with housework.  

Friday 15th

Today was supposed to be our Graduation ceremony for the Bachelor of Complementary Medicine, but alas due to these unprecedented times it was cancelled; well postponed until further notice but it kinda feels pointless celebrating a year or more later! 

Oh well, there is always something positive to focus on; like this precious keepsake charm that my sanity sisters and I gifted each other.  I sent one to Donna, Donna sent one to Kim, and Kim sent one to me!

There is so much truth to that saying..."hard work pays off"!
  
Monday 18th

Today is 12 weeks post op #1

I went into the Woman's Hospital to see my surgeon (Dean Trotter) today.

They have implemented a new check in method using your phone.  



They also still have the temperature checking station before entering though the main section of the hospital.  


The elevators also have stickers on the floor to ensure people keep their distance.  Mind you, since we were last there restrictions have eased from only three in the lifts at a time to four or five. 

In the waiting rooms, every second seat is a no sit zone, and they have a quota on how many people are allowed within the space.  I was very lucky they allowed Mark to accompany me to my appointment.


After a short wait, Dean calls my name.  We walk into the consult room and I don't even get a chance to sit down before he starts formalities asking me to undress and stand in front of the full length mirror.  Off comes the many layers of clothing and then there's lots of poking and prodding of my foobs and vug region.  I say, "that hurts you know", to which he replies with "yes, it should thats normal considering what we did, but the more fondling the better".  As he says that last bit he looks at Mark and winks, cheeky bugger.  Okay, so that answers the question of when we can resume with sexual intimacy.  Although if I'm keeping it real, I'm not really keen just yet...the scars are still way too sensitive.

Anyway moving on, theres more examination and then he says "Oh, I'm happy with your knees I thought they'd be fatter".  I have told you that he has no filter?! I say yes I remember that conversation and can't help but agree with his observation.  I mean they are fat but not ultra disproportionately, and nothing a full body lift would not amend slightly lol.


Next I tell him about the lumps in my breasts and my leg, he feels some more and then tells me to lie on the  bed (which he adjusts so it's not so gyno looking - those appointments are in a few weeks) and he will be back soon.  He leaves the room and I lie down get settled.


Not long after, he comes back in and hands me a lolly pop.  I say "you've given me this coz its gonna hurt huh", to which he says "yep, but not too much".


Next minute, a big ass needle  is inserted into my leg with no anaesthetic and the lump (seroma) is drained.  It wasn't too painful really, more uncomfortable really like a lapband adjuatment, although he didn't have to stuff around trying to find the port.


As for the foob lumps, he said he will "smash them up" during the next op, eekkk now that sounds  like fun - NOT!

Overall he was happy with my progress which is slow and steady, but good considering, and so the paperwork was filled ready for the next operation in approximately just over six months time. 


The operation will involve fat grafting, re-addressing the scars to tidy them up, and maybe, hopefully, new nipples which will eventually be tattooed.  All going well it will only be a day proceedure, or perhaps a couple of them but either way I will need to wait a minimum of six months between operations.

One thing he did say, is that this  point of now is the worse they will ever look.

This one statement helps me get through mentally, especially given the current state of deformity (for lack of a better word) in the way my foobs look; uneven in size, no volume and heavily scarred.  My leg scars I'm not so fussed about right at this moment, although it could definitely do with a tidy up.


Once done there it was over to  the RMH for some progress pics.  Its one thing taking pics at home, but to have a stranger zoom right in, it is a bit in your face eeekkk!  Wish I got a copy of the pics though, I wonder if I can request them hhhmmm!

Then, it was home to bed for some much needed R'n'R...where I spent the past week!


I was feeling a bit run down, I mean c'mon checkout those eye bags, and the cold sore.  Admittedly, it being that ttotm didn't help.  


But, rest helped!  And as the saying goes, some days/weeks, are better than others, just gotta roll with them.

Oooh, a huge thing that occurred when we were at the hospital, is that the plumber came and finally fixed our laundry walls!  We still have no sink though, which sucks, but I think we just need to fix that ourselves as I cbf'd chasing real estate.


This is what we've been living with since February.   Because the gaps were huge this area needed to be off limits to the cats, and so their litter box has been near our front door...not ideal!

Thursday 21st

I was supposed to go for a pelvic ultra sound at the Ballarat hospital today but had to cancel, well technically reschedule due to circumstances.  Luckily they got me in for an appointment before my next gyno appointment.

Sunday 24th May

Today we ALL slept in!  

Not long after waking, my phone rings and its Mum who advises me she had called several times, and that Skeet had also been trying to get intouch with me and was desperately waiting on my reply; an over embellishment ofcourse!

It turns out that my phone had updated overnight and not switched back on properly.  Marks was on silent and the boys had turned theirs off.  Hence, why we managed a proper sleep in.  Our restful feeling however, did not last long.

So, it turns out that Skeet had called Mum to see about catching up with her.  Mum figured that since she was coming down that it should be a family catch up, at our house.  Now don't get me wrong, I love family catch ups, but she (Mum) didn't even ask if we had any plans before just making plans for us.  Mind you, I feel that from Mums perspective even if we did have plans the expectation would be that we change them.  Normally, we like to plan ahead so that I can ensure we are in bed early, so we can be up early the next day, and our home is clean.

Long story short, we had 60 minutes before everyone would be arriving; needless to say that my anxiety went through the roof and as I was hanging up from Mums call (another of many for that morning), I said "FUCK!".

I should explain that Marketta is allergic to cats, and due to spending the past week in bed I had not done, or delegated for, any house work to be done...and visitors and messy house is a big no-no for me!  All four of us needed a shower too and well, Jazz' quick shower is 30 minutes.  Cleanliness is also ultra important for Kohden given his low immunity.

We got every thing up to scratch  just in the nick of time and then enjoyed a lovely afternoon together.

Unfortunately the pics came out ultra blurry but we will be sure to get one at next catch up on 21st June; yes it was planned in advance.


Oh, Mum did mention the swearing ooops, but I made it clear I wasn't swearing AT her, but at the situation, which triggered an anxiety attack.

Tuesday 26th

This afternoon after school Glenn came over to see the boys.  It was a nice long visit with him staying for a yummy dinner of mexican mince with corn chips.

Thankfully, a certain topic was not mentioned and I am hopeful it will remain the case for furture catch ups.  Do I believe he is still with the slag that hit our son...absolutely!  Have I lost respect for him because if it...absolutely!  BUT, he's the boys Dad and if he makes an effort to see them then I give him credit for that.  Lets just say I do not believe he will ever bring her here, or have her around the boys ever again.  And should I see her, she had better freaking run!

Wed 27th

This afternoon our kittens went to the vet for their vaccination.  They were such good boys in the car.


The vet said they were good for her also.  Sadly due to Covid-19 we weren't allowed in with them. 

Instead, we had to call when we arrived and then wait in the car to be called.  Once call was received we could meet the vet at the door; ensuring the 1.5 meter distance was maintained.  She took the boys inside, while we waited in the car and once done they called and we could collect, with payment made via tap and go.

Saturday 30th

Ok, so I thought I'd post an update even if it isn't bright and cheery!  

What can I say...pain sucks!  And, it is totally consuming me at the moment. 


I thought perhaps it was all just in my head, so I did a 48 hour detox to be sure.  Yeah nah, the pain is ultra freaking real and I'm an idiot for stopping the meds that were knocking the edge off!  Why do I keep doing stupid shit like that seriously?!

Anyway, I'm trying to be kind to myself but I'm just so over it...I know, I know it was a big arse operation (well 3 ops in 3 weeks), its going to take time to fully heal given the trauma endured *sigh*.

Still so much to be thankful for, so now that I've vented I'm gonna go shift my focus!

Sunday 31st

Jazz accidentally broke his lamp shade tonight and it shattered everywhere.

You know that saying about outside mirroring inside, well it could not be more true right now.

I am feeling totally shattered tonight.

Tonight Mia broke things off with Ace, for what he believes is a bullshit excuse (can't help but agree with him really, but who knows, just gotta accept it and respect her choice).  Whilst it's not fully the reason for my current emotional state, it is part of it.  This weekend I decided to say that no-one could come over, and so I'm feeling a little like if they could have seen each other then the break up would not have happened.  It is so heartbreaking seeing your son hurting and not being able to do or say anything to fix it.  

As for the other reasons, its pretty much just life in general.  Tonight it all just feels like too much to deal with. 

This too shall pass, tomorrow is a new day!