May 2020

Okay, so yet again I am chasing my tail and posting this a month and a bit later.  I guess on a plus, it beats six months late hey!  As per previous posts however, the tense may be written in past, present or perhaps even a  mix mash of both.

Saturday 2nd

Today, Mark woke up in immense pain.  Not long after, he started voilently vomitting.  Long story short, he was rushed to Ballarat Base Hospital in an ambulance and admitted for a suspected Bladder Infection, which had sent his blood sugar levels dangerously high.

To say that it was scary is an understatement.  How I managed to keep my cool is beyond me; inside I was a mess.  To be honest, I thought he was having a heart attack and I was going to lose him...I never want to experience that again!  

During the mad rush of saying goodbye, I forgot to give him his phone charger (which was in my pocket), and by 8.30pm that night his phone was on 39%, so sadly our communication was limited.

Sunday 3rd

Soooo, because Marks temperature would not go down they had to take the appropriate precautions and move him to an isolated room and test for Covid-19, "just to be on the safe side".

He said it was in the  brand spanking new area of the hospital so he wasn't complaining.  Meal trays were left on a chair near the door for him to collect and return when finished, and the nurses who entered the room did so only if dressed in correct protective gear.  Instead of using a button to call for the nurse, Mark would call them and speak over the phone (internal calls only) so they didn't need to come into the room unnecessarily.  Oh, they even taught him how to use the drip machine, for the same reason.

By 8.45am his  battery was down to 25%...and so I decided it was time to put out an SOS call on my socials.

Monday 4th

Today is a low mood, nil energy and high pain day. I had a telehealth appointment with one of my surgical team who have assured me that it is a normal part of the process on this long road.  He will book a proper appointment for two weeks time, just to be on the safe side.  Meanwhile, I just need to remember to breathe!

Anyways, thanks to now having a charger (huge thank you to the generosity of two awesome Ballarat friends (one arranged from Bendigo like seriously awesome) coming to the rescue just in the nick of time as he was down to 2%) I was able to face time my sweet man who despite being in his own hospital bed and still feeling poorly, was his crazy usual self and helped to make me feel better.

P.S. Thank you to Dannielle for the lovely presents that were dropped off for the boys and I.  They lifted our spirits and made us feel very loved.

Tuesday 5th

Guess whose swab came back as negative - No surprises really!

He was switched back to the ward, so can finally be treated properly.  Not that he received poor treatment,  it just wasn't for the right condition.

Anyway, another night without my sweet man at home. Oh boy I miss him like crazy.

Wednesday 6th

Whoo hoo,  found out this morning my sweet man can come home today! So bloody excited!

Now, I'm just waiting on Mum to finish work so she can come get me, so I can go get him.

Got him and now back home! 

I have to say, the boys were both amazing when my sweet man was in hospital.  I truly am very blessed.  Not only did they both set up camp in the room with me, they also really stepped up and helped with household chores from dishes, to washing and even cooking dinner; most of the time without being asked.

A beautiful surprise left on my door step.  Thank you so much, these were deeply appreciated.

Thursday 7th

Marketta made the local paper earlier this week, so proud of her.

I painted my nails pink in support!

Friday 8th

Given our circumstances this week, home schooling was pretty much neglected.  Instead, when not taking care of me, or doing household chores the boys were out in the backyard digging and building, aka making a bike track! 

Saturday 9th

We've been heading out for a walk every afternoon/evening; good way to get fresh air, Marks sugars down and my lymphatic fluid flowing to reduce the odema (aka cankles).

I have been loving the fact that I've been able to find garden cuttings.  We walk a different route each night to search for more gardens with goodies, which is a nice change of scenery.

Sunday 10th

Happy Mothers Day to all out there deserving of the title; biological, step, foster, male!  Especially to my Mum and my MIL.

I am sure I have said it before, but being a Mum is both the most challenging, and the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life! I feel so blessed to not only have the title, but to know that I have worked my arse off to ensure I've earnt the honour of being called such! I am so proud of my boys and feel so honoured that they chose me to be their Mum.

The boys spoilt me with some chocolates, a watering can plater, and a cup and saucer planter.  I cannot wait to put them to use, I'm thinking something for indoors.

Monday 11th

My fur babies are 12 weeks old today, wow four whole weeks of life  spent with us already...time has flown.

They have grown so much, but still my babies.  They pretty much just sleep, eat, poop and play on repeat.

Tuesday 12th

Covid-19 restrictions lifted today!

I know I have that said HERE that I am not coping with the change, but I have to say it again - I am not ready for the rat race to start.  I mean, I am struggling to get the rest I need with things the way they are, and they are heaps slower than what they will be when life is in full swing.  Maybe I just need to think of positives like umm, the kids going to school means rest time, and restrictions easing means we could possibly get someone to come and help with housework.  

Friday 15th

Today was supposed to be our Graduation ceremony for the Bachelor of Complementary Medicine, but alas due to these unprecedented times it was cancelled; well postponed until further notice but it kinda feels pointless celebrating a year or more later! 

Oh well, there is always something positive to focus on; like this precious keepsake charm that my sanity sisters and I gifted each other.  I sent one to Donna, Donna sent one to Kim, and Kim sent one to me!

There is so much truth to that saying..."hard work pays off"!

  

Monday 18th

Today is 12 weeks post op #1

I went into the Woman's Hospital to see my surgeon (Dean Trotter) today.

They have implemented a new check in method using your phone.  

They also still have the temperature checking station before entering though the main section of the hospital.  

The elevators also have stickers on the floor to ensure people keep their distance.  Mind you, since we were last there restrictions have eased from only three in the lifts at a time to four or five. 

In the waiting rooms, every second seat is a no sit zone, and they have a quota on how many people are allowed within the space.  I was very lucky they allowed Mark to accompany me to my appointment.

After a short wait, Dean calls my name.  We walk into the consult room and I don't even get a chance to sit down before he starts formalities asking me to undress and stand in front of the full length mirror.  Off comes the many layers of clothing and then there's lots of poking and prodding of my foobs and vug region.  I say, "that hurts you know", to which he replies with "yes, it should thats normal considering what we did, but the more fondling the better".  As he says that last bit he looks at Mark and winks, cheeky bugger.  Okay, so that answers the question of when we can resume with sexual intimacy.  Although if I'm keeping it real, I'm not really keen just yet...the scars are still way too sensitive.

Anyway moving on, theres more examination and then he says "Oh, I'm happy with your knees I thought they'd be fatter".  I have told you that he has no filter?! I say yes I remember that conversation and can't help but agree with his observation.  I mean they are fat but not ultra disproportionately, and nothing a full body lift would not amend slightly lol.

Next I tell him about the lumps in my breasts and my leg, he feels some more and then tells me to lie on the  bed (which he adjusts so it's not so gyno looking - those appointments are in a few weeks) and he will be back soon.  He leaves the room and I lie down get settled.

Not long after, he comes back in and hands me a lolly pop.  I say "you've given me this coz its gonna hurt huh", to which he says "yep, but not too much".

Next minute, a big ass needle  is inserted into my leg with no anaesthetic and the lump (seroma) is drained.  It wasn't too painful really, more uncomfortable really like a lapband adjuatment, although he didn't have to stuff around trying to find the port.

As for the foob lumps, he said he will "smash them up" during the next op, eekkk now that sounds  like fun - NOT!

Overall he was happy with my progress which is slow and steady, but good considering, and so the paperwork was filled ready for the next operation in approximately just over six months time. 

The operation will involve fat grafting, re-addressing the scars to tidy them up, and maybe, hopefully, new nipples which will eventually be tattooed.  All going well it will only be a day proceedure, or perhaps a couple of them but either way I will need to wait a minimum of six months between operations.

One thing he did say, is that this  point of now is the worse they will ever look.

This one statement helps me get through mentally, especially given the current state of deformity (for lack of a better word) in the way my foobs look; uneven in size, no volume and heavily scarred.  My leg scars I'm not so fussed about right at this moment, although it could definitely do with a tidy up.

Once done there it was over to  the RMH for some progress pics.  Its one thing taking pics at home, but to have a stranger zoom right in, it is a bit in your face eeekkk!  Wish I got a copy of the pics though, I wonder if I can request them hhhmmm!

Then, it was home to bed for some much needed R'n'R...where I spent the past week!

I was feeling a bit run down, I mean c'mon checkout those eye bags, and the cold sore.  Admittedly, it being that ttotm didn't help.  

But, rest helped!  And as the saying goes, some days/weeks, are better than others, just gotta roll with them.

Oooh, a huge thing that occurred when we were at the hospital, is that the plumber came and finally fixed our laundry walls!  We still have no sink though, which sucks, but I think we just need to fix that ourselves as I cbf'd chasing real estate.

This is what we've been living with since February.   Because the gaps were huge this area needed to be off limits to the cats, and so their litter box has been near our front door...not ideal!

Thursday 21st

I was supposed to go for a pelvic ultra sound at the Ballarat hospital today but had to cancel, well technically reschedule due to circumstances.  Luckily they got me in for an appointment before my next gyno appointment.

Sunday 24th May

Today we ALL slept in!  

Not long after waking, my phone rings and its Mum who advises me she had called several times, and that Skeet had also been trying to get intouch with me and was desperately waiting on my reply; an over embellishment ofcourse!

It turns out that my phone had updated overnight and not switched back on properly.  Marks was on silent and the boys had turned theirs off.  Hence, why we managed a proper sleep in.  Our restful feeling however, did not last long.

So, it turns out that Skeet had called Mum to see about catching up with her.  Mum figured that since she was coming down that it should be a family catch up, at our house.  Now don't get me wrong, I love family catch ups, but she (Mum) didn't even ask if we had any plans before just making plans for us.  Mind you, I feel that from Mums perspective even if we did have plans the expectation would be that we change them.  Normally, we like to plan ahead so that I can ensure we are in bed early, so we can be up early the next day, and our home is clean.

Long story short, we had 60 minutes before everyone would be arriving; needless to say that my anxiety went through the roof and as I was hanging up from Mums call (another of many for that morning), I said "FUCK!".

I should explain that Marketta is allergic to cats, and due to spending the past week in bed I had not done, or delegated for, any house work to be done...and visitors and messy house is a big no-no for me!  All four of us needed a shower too and well, Jazz' quick shower is 30 minutes.  Cleanliness is also ultra important for Kohden given his low immunity.

We got every thing up to scratch  just in the nick of time and then enjoyed a lovely afternoon together.

Unfortunately the pics came out ultra blurry but we will be sure to get one at next catch up on 21st June; yes it was planned in advance.

Oh, Mum did mention the swearing ooops, but I made it clear I wasn't swearing AT her, but at the situation, which triggered an anxiety attack.

Tuesday 26th

This afternoon after school Glenn came over to see the boys.  It was a nice long visit with him staying for a yummy dinner of mexican mince with corn chips.

Thankfully, a certain topic was not mentioned and I am hopeful it will remain the case for furture catch ups.  Do I believe he is still with the slag that hit our son...absolutely!  Have I lost respect for him because if it...absolutely!  BUT, he's the boys Dad and if he makes an effort to see them then I give him credit for that.  Lets just say I do not believe he will ever bring her here, or have her around the boys ever again.  And should I see her, she had better freaking run!

Wed 27th

This afternoon our kittens went to the vet for their vaccination.  They were such good boys in the car.

The vet said they were good for her also.  Sadly due to Covid-19 we weren't allowed in with them. 

Instead, we had to call when we arrived and then wait in the car to be called.  Once call was received we could meet the vet at the door; ensuring the 1.5 meter distance was maintained.  She took the boys inside, while we waited in the car and once done they called and we could collect, with payment made via tap and go.

Saturday 30th

Ok, so I thought I'd post an update even if it isn't bright and cheery!  

What can I say...pain sucks!  And, it is totally consuming me at the moment. 

I thought perhaps it was all just in my head, so I did a 48 hour detox to be sure.  Yeah nah, the pain is ultra freaking real and I'm an idiot for stopping the meds that were knocking the edge off!  Why do I keep doing stupid shit like that seriously?!

Anyway, I'm trying to be kind to myself but I'm just so over it...I know, I know it was a big arse operation (well 3 ops in 3 weeks), its going to take time to fully heal given the trauma endured *sigh*.

Still so much to be thankful for, so now that I've vented I'm gonna go shift my focus!

Sunday 31st

Jazz accidentally broke his lamp shade tonight and it shattered everywhere.

You know that saying about outside mirroring inside, well it could not be more true right now.

I am feeling totally shattered tonight.

Tonight Mia broke things off with Ace, for what he believes is a bullshit excuse (can't help but agree with him really, but who knows, just gotta accept it and respect her choice).  Whilst it's not fully the reason for my current emotional state, it is part of it.  This weekend I decided to say that no-one could come over, and so I'm feeling a little like if they could have seen each other then the break up would not have happened.  It is so heartbreaking seeing your son hurting and not being able to do or say anything to fix it.  

As for the other reasons, its pretty much just life in general.  Tonight it all just feels like too much to deal with. 

This too shall pass, tomorrow is a new day!