May 2020

Okay, so yet again I am chasing my tail and posting this a month and a bit later.  I guess on a plus, it beats six months late hey!  As per previous posts however, the tense may be written in past, present or perhaps even a  mix mash of both.

Saturday 2nd

Today, Mark woke up in immense pain.  Not long after, he started voilently vomitting.  Long story short, he was rushed to Ballarat Base Hospital in an ambulance and admitted for a suspected Bladder Infection, which had sent his blood sugar levels dangerously high.

To say that it was scary is an understatement.  How I managed to keep my cool is beyond me; inside I was a mess.  To be honest, I thought he was having a heart attack and I was going to lose him...I never want to experience that again!  

During the mad rush of saying goodbye, I forgot to give him his phone charger (which was in my pocket), and by 8.30pm that night his phone was on 39%, so sadly our communication was limited.

Sunday 3rd

Soooo, because Marks temperature would not go down they had to take the appropriate precautions and move him to an isolated room and test for Covid-19, "just to be on the safe side".

He said it was in the  brand spanking new area of the hospital so he wasn't complaining.  Meal trays were left on a chair near the door for him to collect and return when finished, and the nurses who entered the room did so only if dressed in correct protective gear.  Instead of using a button to call for the nurse, Mark would call them and speak over the phone (internal calls only) so they didn't need to come into the room unnecessarily.  Oh, they even taught him how to use the drip machine, for the same reason.

By 8.45am his  battery was down to 25%...and so I decided it was time to put out an SOS call on my socials.

Monday 4th

Today is a low mood, nil energy and high pain day. I had a telehealth appointment with one of my surgical team who have assured me that it is a normal part of the process on this long road.  He will book a proper appointment for two weeks time, just to be on the safe side.  Meanwhile, I just need to remember to breathe!

Anyways, thanks to now having a charger (huge thank you to the generosity of two awesome Ballarat friends (one arranged from Bendigo like seriously awesome) coming to the rescue just in the nick of time as he was down to 2%) I was able to face time my sweet man who despite being in his own hospital bed and still feeling poorly, was his crazy usual self and helped to make me feel better.

P.S. Thank you to Dannielle for the lovely presents that were dropped off for the boys and I.  They lifted our spirits and made us feel very loved.

Tuesday 5th

Guess whose swab came back as negative - No surprises really!

He was switched back to the ward, so can finally be treated properly.  Not that he received poor treatment,  it just wasn't for the right condition.

Anyway, another night without my sweet man at home. Oh boy I miss him like crazy.

Wednesday 6th

Whoo hoo,  found out this morning my sweet man can come home today! So bloody excited!

Now, I'm just waiting on Mum to finish work so she can come get me, so I can go get him.

Got him and now back home! 

I have to say, the boys were both amazing when my sweet man was in hospital.  I truly am very blessed.  Not only did they both set up camp in the room with me, they also really stepped up and helped with household chores from dishes, to washing and even cooking dinner; most of the time without being asked.

A beautiful surprise left on my door step.  Thank you so much, these were deeply appreciated.

Thursday 7th

Marketta made the local paper earlier this week, so proud of her.

I painted my nails pink in support!

Friday 8th

Given our circumstances this week, home schooling was pretty much neglected.  Instead, when not taking care of me, or doing household chores the boys were out in the backyard digging and building, aka making a bike track! 

Saturday 9th

We've been heading out for a walk every afternoon/evening; good way to get fresh air, Marks sugars down and my lymphatic fluid flowing to reduce the odema (aka cankles).

I have been loving the fact that I've been able to find garden cuttings.  We walk a different route each night to search for more gardens with goodies, which is a nice change of scenery.

Sunday 10th

Happy Mothers Day to all out there deserving of the title; biological, step, foster, male!  Especially to my Mum and my MIL.

I am sure I have said it before, but being a Mum is both the most challenging, and the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life! I feel so blessed to not only have the title, but to know that I have worked my arse off to ensure I've earnt the honour of being called such! I am so proud of my boys and feel so honoured that they chose me to be their Mum.

The boys spoilt me with some chocolates, a watering can plater, and a cup and saucer planter.  I cannot wait to put them to use, I'm thinking something for indoors.

Monday 11th

My fur babies are 12 weeks old today, wow four whole weeks of life  spent with us already...time has flown.

They have grown so much, but still my babies.  They pretty much just sleep, eat, poop and play on repeat.

Tuesday 12th

Covid-19 restrictions lifted today!

I know I have that said HERE that I am not coping with the change, but I have to say it again - I am not ready for the rat race to start.  I mean, I am struggling to get the rest I need with things the way they are, and they are heaps slower than what they will be when life is in full swing.  Maybe I just need to think of positives like umm, the kids going to school means rest time, and restrictions easing means we could possibly get someone to come and help with housework.  

Friday 15th

Today was supposed to be our Graduation ceremony for the Bachelor of Complementary Medicine, but alas due to these unprecedented times it was cancelled; well postponed until further notice but it kinda feels pointless celebrating a year or more later! 

Oh well, there is always something positive to focus on; like this precious keepsake charm that my sanity sisters and I gifted each other.  I sent one to Donna, Donna sent one to Kim, and Kim sent one to me!

There is so much truth to that saying..."hard work pays off"!

  

Monday 18th

Today is 12 weeks post op #1

I went into the Woman's Hospital to see my surgeon (Dean Trotter) today.

They have implemented a new check in method using your phone.  

They also still have the temperature checking station before entering though the main section of the hospital.  

The elevators also have stickers on the floor to ensure people keep their distance.  Mind you, since we were last there restrictions have eased from only three in the lifts at a time to four or five. 

In the waiting rooms, every second seat is a no sit zone, and they have a quota on how many people are allowed within the space.  I was very lucky they allowed Mark to accompany me to my appointment.

After a short wait, Dean calls my name.  We walk into the consult room and I don't even get a chance to sit down before he starts formalities asking me to undress and stand in front of the full length mirror.  Off comes the many layers of clothing and then there's lots of poking and prodding of my foobs and vug region.  I say, "that hurts you know", to which he replies with "yes, it should thats normal considering what we did, but the more fondling the better".  As he says that last bit he looks at Mark and winks, cheeky bugger.  Okay, so that answers the question of when we can resume with sexual intimacy.  Although if I'm keeping it real, I'm not really keen just yet...the scars are still way too sensitive.

Anyway moving on, theres more examination and then he says "Oh, I'm happy with your knees I thought they'd be fatter".  I have told you that he has no filter?! I say yes I remember that conversation and can't help but agree with his observation.  I mean they are fat but not ultra disproportionately, and nothing a full body lift would not amend slightly lol.

Next I tell him about the lumps in my breasts and my leg, he feels some more and then tells me to lie on the  bed (which he adjusts so it's not so gyno looking - those appointments are in a few weeks) and he will be back soon.  He leaves the room and I lie down get settled.

Not long after, he comes back in and hands me a lolly pop.  I say "you've given me this coz its gonna hurt huh", to which he says "yep, but not too much".

Next minute, a big ass needle  is inserted into my leg with no anaesthetic and the lump (seroma) is drained.  It wasn't too painful really, more uncomfortable really like a lapband adjuatment, although he didn't have to stuff around trying to find the port.

As for the foob lumps, he said he will "smash them up" during the next op, eekkk now that sounds  like fun - NOT!

Overall he was happy with my progress which is slow and steady, but good considering, and so the paperwork was filled ready for the next operation in approximately just over six months time. 

The operation will involve fat grafting, re-addressing the scars to tidy them up, and maybe, hopefully, new nipples which will eventually be tattooed.  All going well it will only be a day proceedure, or perhaps a couple of them but either way I will need to wait a minimum of six months between operations.

One thing he did say, is that this  point of now is the worse they will ever look.

This one statement helps me get through mentally, especially given the current state of deformity (for lack of a better word) in the way my foobs look; uneven in size, no volume and heavily scarred.  My leg scars I'm not so fussed about right at this moment, although it could definitely do with a tidy up.

Once done there it was over to  the RMH for some progress pics.  Its one thing taking pics at home, but to have a stranger zoom right in, it is a bit in your face eeekkk!  Wish I got a copy of the pics though, I wonder if I can request them hhhmmm!

Then, it was home to bed for some much needed R'n'R...where I spent the past week!

I was feeling a bit run down, I mean c'mon checkout those eye bags, and the cold sore.  Admittedly, it being that ttotm didn't help.  

But, rest helped!  And as the saying goes, some days/weeks, are better than others, just gotta roll with them.

Oooh, a huge thing that occurred when we were at the hospital, is that the plumber came and finally fixed our laundry walls!  We still have no sink though, which sucks, but I think we just need to fix that ourselves as I cbf'd chasing real estate.

This is what we've been living with since February.   Because the gaps were huge this area needed to be off limits to the cats, and so their litter box has been near our front door...not ideal!

Thursday 21st

I was supposed to go for a pelvic ultra sound at the Ballarat hospital today but had to cancel, well technically reschedule due to circumstances.  Luckily they got me in for an appointment before my next gyno appointment.

Sunday 24th May

Today we ALL slept in!  

Not long after waking, my phone rings and its Mum who advises me she had called several times, and that Skeet had also been trying to get intouch with me and was desperately waiting on my reply; an over embellishment ofcourse!

It turns out that my phone had updated overnight and not switched back on properly.  Marks was on silent and the boys had turned theirs off.  Hence, why we managed a proper sleep in.  Our restful feeling however, did not last long.

So, it turns out that Skeet had called Mum to see about catching up with her.  Mum figured that since she was coming down that it should be a family catch up, at our house.  Now don't get me wrong, I love family catch ups, but she (Mum) didn't even ask if we had any plans before just making plans for us.  Mind you, I feel that from Mums perspective even if we did have plans the expectation would be that we change them.  Normally, we like to plan ahead so that I can ensure we are in bed early, so we can be up early the next day, and our home is clean.

Long story short, we had 60 minutes before everyone would be arriving; needless to say that my anxiety went through the roof and as I was hanging up from Mums call (another of many for that morning), I said "FUCK!".

I should explain that Marketta is allergic to cats, and due to spending the past week in bed I had not done, or delegated for, any house work to be done...and visitors and messy house is a big no-no for me!  All four of us needed a shower too and well, Jazz' quick shower is 30 minutes.  Cleanliness is also ultra important for Kohden given his low immunity.

We got every thing up to scratch  just in the nick of time and then enjoyed a lovely afternoon together.

Unfortunately the pics came out ultra blurry but we will be sure to get one at next catch up on 21st June; yes it was planned in advance.

Oh, Mum did mention the swearing ooops, but I made it clear I wasn't swearing AT her, but at the situation, which triggered an anxiety attack.

Tuesday 26th

This afternoon after school Glenn came over to see the boys.  It was a nice long visit with him staying for a yummy dinner of mexican mince with corn chips.

Thankfully, a certain topic was not mentioned and I am hopeful it will remain the case for furture catch ups.  Do I believe he is still with the slag that hit our son...absolutely!  Have I lost respect for him because if it...absolutely!  BUT, he's the boys Dad and if he makes an effort to see them then I give him credit for that.  Lets just say I do not believe he will ever bring her here, or have her around the boys ever again.  And should I see her, she had better freaking run!

Wed 27th

This afternoon our kittens went to the vet for their vaccination.  They were such good boys in the car.

The vet said they were good for her also.  Sadly due to Covid-19 we weren't allowed in with them. 

Instead, we had to call when we arrived and then wait in the car to be called.  Once call was received we could meet the vet at the door; ensuring the 1.5 meter distance was maintained.  She took the boys inside, while we waited in the car and once done they called and we could collect, with payment made via tap and go.

Saturday 30th

Ok, so I thought I'd post an update even if it isn't bright and cheery!  

What can I say...pain sucks!  And, it is totally consuming me at the moment. 

I thought perhaps it was all just in my head, so I did a 48 hour detox to be sure.  Yeah nah, the pain is ultra freaking real and I'm an idiot for stopping the meds that were knocking the edge off!  Why do I keep doing stupid shit like that seriously?!

Anyway, I'm trying to be kind to myself but I'm just so over it...I know, I know it was a big arse operation (well 3 ops in 3 weeks), its going to take time to fully heal given the trauma endured *sigh*.

Still so much to be thankful for, so now that I've vented I'm gonna go shift my focus!

Sunday 31st

Jazz accidentally broke his lamp shade tonight and it shattered everywhere.

You know that saying about outside mirroring inside, well it could not be more true right now.

I am feeling totally shattered tonight.

Tonight Mia broke things off with Ace, for what he believes is a bullshit excuse (can't help but agree with him really, but who knows, just gotta accept it and respect her choice).  Whilst it's not fully the reason for my current emotional state, it is part of it.  This weekend I decided to say that no-one could come over, and so I'm feeling a little like if they could have seen each other then the break up would not have happened.  It is so heartbreaking seeing your son hurting and not being able to do or say anything to fix it.  

As for the other reasons, its pretty much just life in general.  Tonight it all just feels like too much to deal with. 

This too shall pass, tomorrow is a new day!

Read more "May 2020"

May 2019

Wednesday 1st

You remember how I wasn't going to wait up for results this year...well I did for this one as it was worth 50% of my subject grade and was playing on my mind. I was so relieved when I saw 45/50. Maybe I work better in a haze of mess LOL. 

Thursday 2nd 

So even though I only need 5% to pass the subject I am so stressed over my next assessment right now. It doesn't help that the lecturer hasn't replied to my message to confirm if my topic is okay. I think the stress is also due to it being a topic I am am passionate about; I'm doing a health promotion poster and my topic is self breast examination for young woman. 

Talking about such...have you checked your boobs lately? 

Friday 3rd 

Mark and I had a little lovers quarrel tonight over something that I believed was him making a mountain out of a molehill. In hindsight, I can see his point of view...essentially I was insensitive! Luckily our spats are few and far between and don't last very long.

Then, I stayed up until the wee hours of the morning working on my assessment because I lost everything I had worked on...new program dramas are real people! Luckily, I had saved a draft in the old platform...but still a major HF! 

Saturday 4th 

May the 4th be with you all **hehe** sorry I couldn't resist!

Today I finally completed my assessment **major sigh of relief** 

AND 

As everything else was all done, I figured a nice hot relaxing bath (and a glass of moscato) was the perfect way to reward my efforts! 

Oh boy, was it lovely! I even let my man join me *Oh la la la* 

Why is it that I do not make time to stop and have a bath more often? 

It is definitely something that I intend to change. Perhaps it will become my 'assessment submitted' reward. 

Our favourite band is on at the pub tonight, but after my bath (or maybe its the wine) I'm a little too relaxed to even get dressed hahaha! So instead it's bed and snuggle time! And Indian takeway too YUM! 

Wednesday 8th 

Grade for the second assessment of Public Health was released today...29/30! Again, I ponder the whole working better in a haze of mess! I only need 2% to pass the subject yee har! 

Today I had my Gyno appointment, which was a waste of time as he couldn't check anything out due to it being TTOTM...so another appointment has been made! 

Mum also had her appointment today too, which went well and she doesn't need to go back for another year...AWESOME NEWS! 

Since we were up in Ballarat we organised a lunch date with my beautiful cousin Michelle. It was so good to get to have some proper time together, except as is always the case the time went way too quickly! 

Oh...I haven't told you. My little sister Marketta is the ambassador for this years Geelong Mothers Day Classic; raising much needed funds for Breast Cancer research - her fundraising page is HERE. 

Check out her newspaper articles HERE and HERE! 

Thursday 9th 

Had Jazz's ILP meeting at school today. No surprises that he is trying ultra hard and doing really well. We were surprised to hear that he had been attempting 'at level' work though, not to say that he is at level but the fact that he is willing to give it a go, and doesn't get upset by the fact that it is challenging is a positive. I say it all the time but if he could get dux based on effort alone, that kid would have it hands down! 

Mum and Dad (Marks folks) came over from Tassie this week and so came and spent the night with us. It is always so wonderful chatting with them into the wee hours of the morning. I love that they acknowledge how happy Mark is, and thank me for it. Honestly though, he makes me just as happy *gush*. 

Friday 10th

Today Mum and I went on our traditional 'opshopping spree', I thought we may have needed an Ark to get around town as it belted down with rain all day! So good though as it was much needed!

Then we all went out for a late lunch at Hogs Breath in Melton. The boys took the day off, and my Mum met us there too which made it even more special.

Hogs Breath Dessert - YUM!

Today would have been my parents 45th Wedding Anniversary. They were SO young! My Dad was turning 20 the next day, my Mum was 19...and yep 2 months pregnant with me. Yes I'm the product of a holiday romance between a blue eyed, blonde haired Australian beauty and a tall dark handsome Maori boy. Oh what a love story! My Mum, upon speaking about my Dad, once said "he was like my drug that I just couldn't get enough of"...such powerful words, such a deep love! Whilst sadly their marriage did not last, there is absolutely no denying that their love for each other did.

That's Koro next to my Dad...maybe that's what Dad would look like?

Saturday 11th

Today would have been my Dad's 65th Birthday, and yet to me he will eternally be 36 (the age he was when he passed). I cannot actually even imagine what he would of been like as an 'old man'. Not that 65 is old. Mind you, I can remember when he passed and everyone saying 'Oh gosh he was so young' and yet there I was at 16 thinking 'Really???'. Now that I'm an old bat...I get it, yep way too young!

Whilst not physically with me there are times when I catch a glimpse of him in Aces eyes, Jazzs cheeky grin or my own facial expressions when I sing and I know a part of him is here with me always. He will always be my hero and I will always be his little girl.

Today while the boys went shopping for gifts for me, I took my Mum shopping for gifts for her. It felt nice spoiling her, although she kept on looking at the price of things she liked and then putting it back. She also kept trying to buy me things which was not the point of our outing. I managed to deter her and instead she bought the boys a new top each which they love. 

After our shopping expedition we all went out for lunch at the Fleece...Fish 'n' Chips and Salad, my fav yummy!

Sunday 12th

I personally don't believe that you need a special day to show and tell the people that you love, how special they are to you...it should be a given EVERYDAY! But, in saying that, it is nice to have a day where a little bit of extra effort is invested into ensuring they 'know' and 'feel' they are important! So to all the Mums out there today (be it biological, step, foster, aunt, nan or the blokes who play both roles), I hope you know your worth. I hope you know that you are precious to those who matter most... 

To my Mum Kathy, Thank you for never giving up on me, for always pushing me to be who you believe I can aspire to be, for the support you provide day in and day out. As much I know I can stand on my own two feet (after all, you raised us to be independent, outspoken, hard headed and driven young woman), I also know I would be lost without you. 

To my MIL, thank you for raising a son who is not afraid to show love and who puts his Queen at the forefront of his home. 

We told the kids they couldn't go in the water on our wedding day LOL 

Photo by JJ Photography 

To those whose Mum is not with them today, know I am wrapping my arms around you from afar. 

My sweet man wrote my a poem for Mothers Day. I love how he makes me feel so special! 

Today we all give homage 

To those who gave us life.

Our dear amazing mothers

Like my sweet darling wife!

I've seen the way she loves our boys.

Sweet motherly affection

Yet swift to action "monster-mode"

If our boys need protection!

She gives of all she has for them 

Of money, time or skills 

Because she wants the best for them 

A life with all "the frills"!! 

So here's a shout out to my wife 

Although she's not MY mother! 

She truly is splendiforous 

And unlike ANY other! 

Today not only did I get to have a sleep in, but I was also showered with lovely gifts from my precious boys (and of course my darling husband). There were lots of morning snuggles (my favourite part of each and every day), laughs (omgoodness my mind is sometimes a little not so clean...btw its a deodorant can lid...oh gosh "MUM, what were you thinking!!!"), moments of keeping it real with practical jokes at Mums expense (I told them off for buying a bag when we have plenty, so said bag was wrapped as a gift AND of course the given answer whenever it comes to the question of what one needs is undies...SO, I got some of theirs LOL). I feel very spoilt with so many presents, which they of course helped me unwrap. I love that they still do that, they get so excited by giving, which makes my heart smile. And, I must also admit that this softie had a little teary moment upon reading the beautiful heartfelt message in her card! 

Being a Mum is seriously the most challenging and rewarding thing I have ever done in my life. It is not always moonbeams and butterflies that's for sure, but if I do nothing else right in my life, I KNOW that I have done the best I could at raising two amazing young men. They may give me the shits on many occasions, but my pride meter for each of them is off the charts. 

This would have to be one of my favourite photos of the 3 of us....these little guys are my world and without them my life would have no purpose. 

Thank you to my friend Anne for capturing this moment forever x

Monday 13th 

I am meeting with the Breast surgeon today. I am hoping that I come out of my appointment with answers to my long list of questions. A surgery date booked would also be a bonus, although I might be pushing it there! I just really want to stop feeling like I am in limbo, I want to get it all over and done with so this daily anxiety, this feeling of impending doom can bugger off! Oh well, whatever happens happens, I just need to release expectation and trust the process...so much easier said than done! 

Okay, here's an update on today's appointment which was actually with the Breast 'Plastic' Surgeon (Dean Trotter) and not the Breast Surgeon like I thought...well I actually thought today was with both but nope just one. 

Whilst I didn't get all of my questions answered, I did get some answered, but then again I also left with more questions...well decisions really - BIG ONES...as if this decision wasn't already big enough (although one I firmly believe is right for me...fear does make you second guess yourself though)! 

DECISIONS...

A) To keep my nipples or not to keep my nipples? 

If I keep them, then I need to have a breast lift first as my puppies are currently pointed south. This will be my first operation and is purely a cosmetic one. If I don't keep them, then risk prevention will start immediately. Either way, sensitivity of the nipple will be lost, so it purely comes down to asthetics and personal choice. There is an option of having a nipple reconstruction and tattooing done down the track.

B) To have implants or to use my own skin?

Implants are the simpliest option but also come with its downfalls. If I use my own tissue it will be from my inner things as I don't have enough on my tummy, and using my back fat would make me look disproportioned in the long run. Fat grafting/lipo will probably need to be done too, I was pretty happy that he said he could fix up my dog ears when doing it.

Anyway I have written down a list of questions (6 pages worth actually) am hoping my questions/decisions can be answered/assisted when I get to see the Breast Care Nurse, and when I attend a BRA (Breast Reconstruction Awareness) Meeting. 

I have 4 weeks to research it all before my next appointment where I will choose which waiting list I will stay on for whichever path I choose to take on this journey. 

Oh...I also need to give up smoking before he will put me on the list! I mean its a contradiction anyway...having a major surgery to remove my breasts because my chance of getting breast cancer is 90-95% but I'm inhaling cancer causing toxins because I smoke hhhhmmm!

As for a date...I'm looking at 13 months time so June/July 2020...I am hoping it will be after Jazz's 15th birthday as I really don't want to miss another one because of being in hospital.

I am feeling incredibly overwhelmed by it all at the moment, it all seems so surreal to be honest. 

I have found an awesome online support group though through pinkhopeaus with lots of stories shared of people in similar circumstances, so that has made a big difference...it is nice to not feel alone! I know I'm not...but in a way, only I can make this decision based upon what I feel is best for my family...for me!

I hadn't really shared much of this journey on facebook for fear of judgement, but tonight I did. I am so thankful that I did as the messages of support have been so incredibly overwhelming. So blessed!

Tuesday 14th

We had a meeting with Ace's year level coordinator this afternoon. Seriously hoping that they can put some strategies into place to help him. It doesn't help that he isn't really interested. I really wish I had of had him assessed the way I did with Jazz as I KNOW he needs the assistance. The teacher said that it is an option (a difficult one, but one all the same), but when I spoke to Ace about it he broke down saying that he didn't want to be called a 'dumb arse' by the kids at school for having an aide. So, I suggested home schooling...again it did not go down well. So I kind of feel like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. I mean he has no idea what he wants to do with his life yet, and that's ok...shit I'm in my 40's and only just figuring that shit out. But I really feel that it is important for him to stay in school for as long as possible. I have been sitting with him and making him do homework, but seriously it takes me an hour to get him motivated and then another hour to do only part of it...how many hours do they expect him spend on homework each night - everyone needs and deserves down time. I am sure it will work out, I am sure I will work it out, but right now I feel like my son might be drowning and I just hope that he decides to grab on to the lifeline I am throwing out, or at least starts treading water rather than swallowing it!

Wednesday 15th 

Ace starting sniffling and coughing last night (is it anywonder STRESS), and surprise surprise I also woke up feeling like crap. So much so that after doing a massage, I came inside cancelled everyone else and went to bed. 

Thursday 16th 

Stayed in bed all day watching movies with Ace. 

Friday 17th 

The rest did us both the world of good and it was back to work and school! 

Saturday 18th 

There is no tomorrow and yet, we plan ahead for it in this moment that we have now, wasting our breath on what may never come. Living fully means living a life of faith. Surrendering ourselves to the notion that our plans are in fact made to fail, as we have no real control over what comes next! 

These are my ponderings as I go about my day. Well, as I sit here contemplating the list of things that need doing and a million thoughts that are crowding my mind that need addressing! 

The blue sky and the beauty of the rust coloured leaves that hang crinkled from the branches of our magnificent tree is capturing my attention more so right now, and that's okay...for in this moment of now, watching her dance in the cool breeze, I am at peace. 

Tuesday 21st 

Today I made some time for ME and booked in for a massage with the lovely @sonjaljavroska_wellnesscoach. Oh gosh my entire being; body, mind and soul needed it so much and now I am feeling as though that 'tap' of infinite possibility has been nudged open (once again). I MUST book in regularly. The reason I don't is because finances are tight, but I am so worth it, and considering I do 10 to 15 hours of massages for others each week, I well and truly bloody deserve one!

So here's a very blissful me sending love, light and peace out into the universe, along with a big MWAH.

Wednesday 22nd

Whilst today's plans did not include spending the most part of it in the Emergency Department with my darling husband, who has a severe UTI, severe case of prostatitis and sugar levels through the roof...

I am so thankful that we have amazing medical care at our door step AND that his blood results were okay enough to allow him to come home. Hoping that things improve from here! 

Saturday 25th

This is how my hair has been ALL DAY plus I've stayed in my PJs (yes, that means no bra) AND I didn't make my bed nor lift a finger around the house! What makes this such a biggie for me however, is that I even knew we were expecting visitors at different points today AND I still didn't run around like the headless chook I usually would. I'm at peace with ME, at peace with the fact that today, this is what you get...maybe even tomorrow too - but then again anything is possible!

So one of those visitors was Marks sister Debbie (and Kiralee too). You know when you wish time would stand still? Well that is how I feel when we get together...especially when we talk about Christianity - there is so much to learn, so much to contemplate, so much to debate (in a friendly way ofcourse). 

Thinking maybe a theology course might be interesting to do LOL...I will just add it to my long list of courses...see I told ya I could be a perpetual student AND yet...the stress of uni is insane! 

How ultra cute is this little pot of happiness she gave us...love it! Thank you Sis! 

Sunday 26th 

The other visitor yesterday, who also called me early this morning to wake me up so she could use the loo (hahaha priceless) is my gorgeous bestie Bec. 

Yes we are both in our PJS hehehe! 

Monday 27th 

I had my 3 hour appointment with the breast care nurse today. I am happy to report that it helped immensely and I am feeling much more at peace about the decisions I have made (albeit still on the overwhelming side). What a difference having an adequate amount of TIME to sit, chat and have questions answers makes. Mind you, I have since thought of more questions but I will have the opportunity to ask them next week at the first of my BRA (Breast Reconstruction Awareness) meetings. 

Anyway the pic above is of a piece of tape, which will possibly be used over the wound sites, instead of stitches. I say possibly as I am allergic to most other kinds of tape, so we are giving it a trial run. I had an initial reaction but it has settled down so fingers crossed. 

Wednesday 29th 

I had my gynocology appointment today. 

I ended up giving the boys off school and taking them with me as I had to be in Ballarat at 8.50am and trying to arrange the boys getting to school when the weather was absolutely shocking was doing my head in. They happily sat in the waiting room. 

I had a cervical biospy done...results soonish! 

Whilst very uncomfortable there were some funny moments.... 

Like the Gyno telling me I had laid an egg, to which I replied with a "bwak bwak". And then him telling me he would be able to remember me now as I had a nice cervix. Seriously I thought stuff like that was only said on television. 

Afterwards he gave me two options to consider in regard to how horrible TTOTM is for me. 

1) A Mirena-IUD

or 

2) A proceedure called a NovaSure

I am leaning more towards option two! 

As for the other concerns namely the abnormal cells and other stuff that is a little TMI for even me to share on this platform, he said we'd discuss all that in the next visit. 

The rest of the day I spent resting until we had to head out again to Marks endo appointment. Long story short despite all our changes, which we can admittedly finetune; his sugars have gone UP! So, that means a weekly injection from now on and back again in two months time for another review. 

And just like another month has gone by.... 

Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to give this blog a read, it truly means the world to me!

Read more "May 2019"