Last days of Feb 2019

So I have to tell ya, I am feeling so incredibly drained at the moment.  I am tired from the moment I wake up, to the moment I fall into bed, and it is taking its toll well and truly!

Whilst things at home for the most part are clean and organised (including our nutrition), I feel like its a constant game of chasing my tail to keep on top of it all.

It is moments like this, when I feel like I do now, that I really feel like calling it quits on study.  I mean, it hasn't even begun for the year yet and this is how I'm feeling.  I've only managed 1 module of the Mental First Aid Course and its been a quiet work week SO, why am I so bloody tired!  I thought that once 'that time of the month' had buggered off, so would the tiredness, but nup, not so lucky!

Calling it quits on study is just the icing on the cake.  The cake, is how the heck am I going to handle having an op where I am out of action for months!  Bloody hell, if it is like this now with me actually up and functioning, albeit not at full capacity due to this constant lethargy...htf?!?

I WONT quit study though, nor pull out of the op...BUT sometimes the thought pops up!

So yes okay, I know that I can be a bit of a perfectionist, but I have also mellowed alot these past few years.  For example, instead of the dishes being washed, dried and put away immediately, I am okay if they are washed and air drying.  Also, as long as the washing is sorted and folded, I'm okay with it in the laundry waiting to be put away.  See, mellowed...a little!  It's also not like I don't have help, but you know how it is, its just not the same...well my main issue is, it takes so long to do a simple job and then I have to pick up the pieces. Ok, so the house won't fall down around me if the bins are not emptied by the end of the day, or the floors didn't get around to being vacuumed and mopped BUT it sure makes me feel more relaxed!

Anyway, I did absolutely no exercise at all this week, not even crazy dancing - the zero fucks or water kind, and you know what I don't really give a toss!  I AM TIRED AND CRANKY!

Anywho...

We had Jazz's ILP meeting with the school this week, and as was to be expected he got a glowing review.  If effort and dedication was graded upon he would get dux everytime.  Lately he has been asking questions about the GDD, about why he is different!  I don't like labels, so told him I prefer unique, not different.  We spent time focusing upon all the things that he was really good at, the things that make him who he is as a person, rather than those that define a condition!  Some weeks are easier than others, but its like that with all kids! 

I also finally managed to talk to one of the teachers about some extra supports for Ace.  He is keen to go all the way through highschool - Year 12/VCAL, but if he doesn't get some extra supports in place now, that may change!  I am hoping they actually listened and will do something!

What else can I tell ya...

Ok, so what I haven't shared, is that for the past couple of weeks I've been getting pain in my right boob (the side the biopsy was done).  It was coming and going, but this past week its been more consistent and on Wednesday I discovered a lump under my armpit.  Needless to say that on Thursday I went to the doctors and I am booked in for all the usual tests (ultrasound, mammogram, tomosynthesis) on Friday 8th.  They also took some bloods too.  I have admittedly been a little anxious about it all, but not overly stressed as I'm getting them chopped anyway.  I also think it could be swollen glands from being run down, and having low iron, hence the lethargy!  Better to be over cautious though!

Anyway one final thing...

Have you checked recently?