A Deflated Moment...

After a beautiful afternoon at the Mothers Day Luncheon a visit to my surgeon well and truly burst my happy bubble.  To cut a long story short he just focused on all the negatives and didn't even acknowledge any of the positives I had made over the past 7 weeks!!  

I get that my Quads being non-responsive is not a good thing and means that I am way behind in the healing process but its not my fault and I am doing everything I bloody well can to try and make it do what I want it to do.  But, he doesn't think it's good enough and pretty much implied that I was lazy, which is something I despise because it is so far from the truth its not funny.  

He said that wants me to do 3 Physiotherapy sessions per week with vigor sports (which at $80 a pop I just can't afford) as well as Hydrotherapy and other general exercises to build up the strength of my quads, some of which the physio told me not to do so that's left me totally confused and wondering who I listen to.  

Oh and if that wasn't enough on top of it all he told me that the chances of me getting full use of my leg again were slim (around 60% - 70% if I'm lucky).  I know that he has an odd bedside manner and probably doesn't even realise that he made me feel like shit but he did and I walked out feeling totally deflated.

So after taking some time to vent (on facebook), cry and process it all I now understand that to him I am just a body that he is trying to fix to the best of his ability.  He hasn't been there week by week to work with me and see the progress I have made, he's just purely seen that the knee was broken so he operated to fix it and according to his book at the end of Week 1 when he saw me I should of been at this point and then at the end of Week 6 I should of been higher at this point BUT I wasn't and so obviously something's not right and in order to make it right this is what is recommended.  The fact that I have in deed already been doing some of the things doesn't even factor into it for him right now - frustrating but just the way it is.

So I have decided that the best thing for me to do is come up with my own plan of attack that fits within my budget and sits right within my own mind as to whether or not I feel I can or can't do something because after all it is MY body.  If in 6 weeks time when I go back ( I can't drive until he gives me the ok) he still isn't happy with my progress I can tell you now that I won't be walking out with him making me feel like I haven't done all I can and to make sure of that I'll take my Mum with me LOL, he won't know what hit him!

MY PLAN (so far):

2 x Physiotherapy Sessions per week - 1 with the hospital (where I have been going) & 1 with Vigor Sports

2 x Personal Training Sessions per week

1 x Hydrotherapy Session per week

Daily Physiotherapy Exercises (minimum of 10 x reps of each exercise - I will blog these soonish)

Use only 1 crutch and/or Walk unassisted as much as possible

Listen to my body and do not push too far

Stay Positive

Anyway lastly I wanted to share a message that was sent to me from one of my gorgeous friends as it touched me deeply.

'Allow yourself the emotions of crap days - then embrace that emotion and turn it into an energy that is productive.  What you're going through is hard and quite simply sucks.  Stop feeling like you are not allowed to feel frustrated, angry or sorry for yourself.  You are!  Just don't let it fester, embrace that emotion and use it.  You are the champion of positive thinking and giving your clients the advice you need yourself, but even when you know it sometimes we still need someone else to say it - so I'm saying it to you.'

Thank you to all of you for showing me your support and encouragement, your love and friendship means the world to me.