Jan 2016 to Now!

I kind of feel as though I can't really capture what is going on in my life NOW without also recapping a little of what the past two years have held (other than health and fitness wise anyway as you can read the recap blogs about that). I don't want to go delving into a long in depth look into the past and for reasons outside of my control some of it needs to be a little cryptic and so I will try as hard as possible to give you an insight without rambling.....

2014

This year left me feeling as though my world had been turned upside down.

- I had a huge fight with my Mum and we stopped talking.

- My relationship of 13 years to the father of my children ended.

- I lost really good friends.

- I started getting sick (all the time).

I felt like I hit rock bottom and it was heart breakingly devastating.

2015

Although not picture perfect 2015 was a year of putting new plans into place and setting the foundations ready to start rebuilding in 2016. Whilst so much of it was sucky, I am so thankful for each and every experience that the year held but also so glad that it came to an end. 

- I learnt to stand on my own two feet without a support network.

- I learnt how to co-parent with my ex and was able to rebuild a friendship.

- I started a new relationship with a sweet man named Mark who despite having an enormous amount of baggage that brings up so many emotions all rolled into one, is so worth every minute of it.

- I made amends with my Mum and started rebuilding our relationship.

- Crazy schedule with Mark's 6 children (5 Boys and 1 Girl ages ranging from 4 to 16). Let's just say that DHS are involved and his ex is not the kind of person/parent that I hold in high regard (how's that for tactful). 

- Lots of court cases for the above and lots of trial and error and tough decisions made.

- I spent a lot of the year unwell but finally got some answers.

- I had to give up training

As per every other year I held no false hope that with the striking of the clock at midnight that all the things that test my resolve would just magically lessen or disappear. All I could hope for was that I had laid enough of a strong road base that even the rockiest of situations wouldn't break me. 

2016

Whilst in a lot of ways it has been better than 2014 and 2015 it has certainly not been smooth sailing. In fact, I would have to say that in many ways it has been one of the toughest years so far, just on a different level.

- It's been yet another year of being sick constantly and being on medication after medication.

- I was advised that my waiting list paperwork had been misplaced and that I need to redo it and so my 1 year wait time would need to restart.

-  I needed to have surgery to fix my lapband which had been causing the bloating and tummy upsets.

- I ended toxic relationships and walked way from those who were causing dis-stress in my life.

- My little nephew Kohden was born with a congenital condition which saw him having half of a lung removed at the young age of 6 weeks old and was constantly in and out of hospital (more in than out).

- Hearing the gut wrenching words involving the C word and helping them through the treatment and the illness that followed as a result of chemotherapy lowering their bodies immune resistance and discovering other conditions that had previously gone undetected.

- Seeing the toughest person I know break down in tears and for a split second lose their fighting spirit.

- More court cases and psychological appointments working towards the possibility of Marks daughter coming into our full-time care.

- My man being unwell with a long standing condition playing up and causing havoc again.

- We have lost family members.

- I made the decision to cut back the hours on the business I worked so hard to build up.

NOW (August 2016)

Despite all of the things above, 2016 has also held many positives (as did 2014 and 2015).  It has opened my eyes to what / who, is really important to me and strengthened my relationships with those within it.  It has shown me that true strength has nothing to do with breaking PBs in the gym but what is on the inside.  It has given me the opportunity to think about what I really want to do with my life and who I am.

I've lost myself, found myself only to lose myself again 

and now I'm discovering the me that I truly am!

And just like that I woke to find that the sparkle had returned to my eyes and along with it, the zest for life that I had lost under the rubble of chaos that I had allowed to take over. Admittedly whilst so much was/is out of my control, I had completely surrendered my power to change anything admitting defeat rather than approaching it all with my usual dedication, persistence, passion....dare I say stubborness. Well, no more! Today is the day I take back my power, the day I decide to be proactive and change that which I can and accept (work around) that which I cannot rather than carrying it and allowing it to weigh heavily upon me. Today is the day I decide to breathe again, to live again rather than just going through the motions. I've got this!!