Following on from my Control & Saying No post...
In Nov 2014, I had a huge fight with my Mum that saw us not speaking to each other for 7 months. This was probably one of the hardest things for me to face as my Mum had always been a big part of my life and all of a sudden that door was closed.
We are talking again now and over time have gotten closer and continue to do so, which I am very thankful for. I think we both just had to take some time before we could swallow our pride and stop being so head strong. A trait I know I learnt from my Mum.
We haven't really discussed any of the circumstances that led to the argument in full depth, but from my side I was unwell and having daily antibiotic injections, struggling to keep up with running my own business and a family and feeling as though I was the only one 'expected' to juggle my life and make sacrifices in order to support Mum with what she was going through. I was feeling very unappreciated, unheard and judged when I tried to explain that I was not getting any support at home AND it all got too much and I snapped. There is only so much pressure one person can take before she reaches boiling point.
There were a couple of times that we communicated during the 7 months; like our family Christmas dinner which was so awkward that you could of cut the air with a knife, and the times she would call to speak to the boys or come and take them out for the day. Each of those times however, conversation was short and abrupt and usually ended with me feeling more infuriated than before because of something she had said or insinuated.
There were a couple of times that we communicated during the 7 months; like our family Christmas dinner which was so awkward that you could of cut the air with a knife, and the times she would call to speak to the boys or come and take them out for the day. Each of those times however, conversation was short and abrupt and usually ended with me feeling more infuriated than before because of something she had said or insinuated.
I know that Mum has her own version of what happened and why it happened and it differs from mine, buts that's OK - we don't have to agree. Bottom line at the end of the day is, that we were each hurt by the others actions and each reacted to that hurt in our own way in order to deal with it. Sometimes, you need to choose your battles and agree to disagree but to respect that you can both have differing views. I think that this is definitely one of those times as no amount of in depth discussion will change anything of the past. In fact, I believe all it would do is bring up the raw emotion and resentment and neither of us need that.
As hard as that time was, I believe that it has made me stronger and proved that I can stand on my own two feet; especially given the fact that Glenn and I separated only two weeks after I stopped talking to my Mum and I lost the support base of some close friends along the way.
A year after we started to talk again we found ourselves back in the same position, although to a higher extreme. This time around though, things are different as I don't feel like it's an expectation that I drop everything; I want to drop everything. My health is pretty much the same as back then (probably worse actually), I'm still working but it's nowhere near as hectic anymore as I made a decision after I separated to reduce my hours to spend more time with my boys AND I have someone at home that is supportive and helpful and that had made all the difference.
Don't get me wrong, there are some days that she gives me the absolute shits for one reason or another but I figure that's just normal; our relationship has always been that way despite being as close as we've been over the years. Now days though, I don't let it get to me and eat me up the way it used to before. I think, that going through what we did has made me grow up a little, so that I can feel like an adult when I'm around her and not a 16 year old school girl. I value her opinion of me and I want to know that she is proud of me, but I value my opinion of me more so it's easier for the emotions that get brought up to roll off this little black ducks back, so to speak.
So there ends another big change that occurred in the past four years and added to the lesson of the importance of learning how to say no and having a higher level of self respect - before reaching psycho mode!
As hard as that time was, I believe that it has made me stronger and proved that I can stand on my own two feet; especially given the fact that Glenn and I separated only two weeks after I stopped talking to my Mum and I lost the support base of some close friends along the way.
Don't get me wrong, there are some days that she gives me the absolute shits for one reason or another but I figure that's just normal; our relationship has always been that way despite being as close as we've been over the years. Now days though, I don't let it get to me and eat me up the way it used to before. I think, that going through what we did has made me grow up a little, so that I can feel like an adult when I'm around her and not a 16 year old school girl. I value her opinion of me and I want to know that she is proud of me, but I value my opinion of me more so it's easier for the emotions that get brought up to roll off this little black ducks back, so to speak.
So there ends another big change that occurred in the past four years and added to the lesson of the importance of learning how to say no and having a higher level of self respect - before reaching psycho mode!
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I welcome all messages and comments that are positive and encouraging. If however you do have some criticism please make sure that it is constructive rather than destructive. Much Love, Light and Peace XOXO Tash!