"I KNOW that gradually, ever so gradually, I am growing and changing. My life is much more like a mobile than a ladder. Each new discovery affects every aspect of my being".
Today's meditation reflected upon two topics; change being one of them, and the power to say no being the other.
Both of these, are things I struggle with!
CHANGE!
When you are someone who thrives on routine, consistency and having everything in its place and a place for everything (yes, I have OCD); change is scary and hard to deal with. It means not only accepting that which has changed in your life but also learning how to deal with it and to integrate it into the life you have already built up for yourself. It also makes life changing decision making very difficult!
SAYING NO!
SAYING NO!
When you are a 'people pleaser', someone who avoids conflict and just generally wants to be known as the 'all round nice guy'; saying NO, even when you want to - is also a really hard thing to do.
So, if you mix those two together - you get someone who will do something that they really don't want to do because of the inability to say no or make a decision, and THEN they have no choice but to deal with how it affects / changes their life.
Funnily enough, here I am saying how much I struggle with both change and the ability to say no, and yet in the past 4 years my life has been nothing but constant change and me learning to stand up for myself; to respect myself enough not to put up with less than I believe I deserve. And through it all, I have survived! It hasn't been an easy road though let me tell you, and it seems as though I have had to get to breaking point before I find my voice, but I guess the positive is that I eventually do; albeit lacking a whole heap of tact, reducing my vocabulary to vulgar expletives and landing me in breakdown mode before I am able to bounce back again.
I'm thinking that this is a good point to share a little more about the past 4 years, although bringing it all up again kind of does feel a little like opening Pandora's box on a whole heap of emotions that I really don't want to feel again AND I have a fear of offending people when it is the last thing I want to do. At the same time though, it also makes me realise just how far I have come, and how strong I am.
I have learn't so much from everything that has happened in the past few years, actually over the course of my life but I know that there is still so much for me to learn. In relation to today's meditation topic though, the lesson is to:
Embrace 'Change'!
Learn to 'Say No' before it eventuates into the shit hitting the proverbial fan!
I'm thinking that this is a good point to share a little more about the past 4 years, although bringing it all up again kind of does feel a little like opening Pandora's box on a whole heap of emotions that I really don't want to feel again AND I have a fear of offending people when it is the last thing I want to do. At the same time though, it also makes me realise just how far I have come, and how strong I am.
I have learn't so much from everything that has happened in the past few years, actually over the course of my life but I know that there is still so much for me to learn. In relation to today's meditation topic though, the lesson is to:
Embrace 'Change'!
Learn to 'Say No' before it eventuates into the shit hitting the proverbial fan!
P.S. Watch out for some blog posts titled 'Change blah blah blah' coming up in the next few days, weeks...however long it takes me to express it all!
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I welcome all messages and comments that are positive and encouraging. If however you do have some criticism please make sure that it is constructive rather than destructive. Much Love, Light and Peace XOXO Tash!